Protection
by Miss Peg
Summary: What if you discover that the truth you thought was real actually wasn't? When Emily starts university, the struggles of the last four years lose meaning and her whole world comes crumbling down around her / Naomily
1. The End of the Beginning

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: I'm not sure where this idea came from, but who am I to scare away plot bunnies? I hope you'll enjoy the story and even though it starts off short and with an event you may not like, I hope you'll find a way of looking beyond the first chapter and into the rest of the story...

**Protection**

The tissue in her hands had long since broken up, soiled with tears and the contents of her nose. She didn't care, couldn't care. Not anymore. There was nothing left to care for, except Emily. The pavement beneath her feet shook in her hazy view, never quite sturdy enough for her unsteady body. She'd just got off a plane, now this. She didn't know where she was even going, a tiny flat on the other side of town, the address of which had been pinned on the fridge as the 'new Fitch home'. She hoped Emily would be there, yet longed for her to be anywhere but. How could she tell her? How could she explain? How could she be the one to break a poor, young girl's heart?

Then another wave of grief hit her, pummelled her in the stomach like a rugby player making a tackle, until she stopped in her tracks and lifted that disintegrating tissue to her leaky eyes. How could she tell Emily when she couldn't even handle admitting it to herself?

The door to the block of flats was held open, as though inviting her in. She didn't thank the man who held it, nor did she even glance at him. He grumbled a complaint that she couldn't take on board as her hands shook harder. The tissue was even more broken up and she'd lost half of it, but she didn't discard it, she didn't want to let go of her only piece of comfort.

What else did she have now?

'Hello, can I help you?' a woman greeted, once she'd knocked on the door of flat 2A.

The woman's eyes narrowed with judgement. It didn't take a genius to work out who she was. Her impatient glares were enough to send her right back home to the comfort of her bed. She shared a look of Emily's twin sister.

'I need to see Emily,' she whispered, her voice broken, irreparably so.

'She's just gone to bed; she's had a long day.'

'Please,' she begged. 'I'm Naomi's mother, Gina.'

Mother Fitch stared her down, with further judgement. Gina couldn't feel it; nothing would make her feel the judgement of that woman. Not now. Not when saying her own daughter's name had become so difficult, almost impossible.

'Haven't your family done enough?' Jenna snarled with every bit of venom left in her. 'After everything Emily has been through, have you come round here to tell me she's _sorry_? That even though she told my poor Emily how much she means to her, she's still run off to God knows where to fuck God knows who?'

'_No_,' Gina cried, the verbal attack on her daughter washed away with fresh tears. She knew that wasn't the case, she knew that Naomi had only gone home because of a message from her friend, James. If it wasn't for him, _no_, she couldn't go down that line of thought. She couldn't lay blame, she didn't want to live life hating or regretting.

'Then what sort of sorry excuse has your Naomi got this time?'

'She, she,' Gina began, her words breaking up before she could complete them. Then a burst of energy filled her, made her say what she needed to. For Emily.

'She died.'

**I hope you'll stay with me into the next few chapters...and please forgive me.**


	2. Can you begin again?

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you for the reviews, to whomever gave them, you made my day that little bit brighter and it's always nice to see people putting it on alert! Here we are again, chapter two. This story is exciting me already, I hope you're all still with me. When I told a friend (JM) that I was going to do this she went nuts, but I told her to trust me and I promised her it would be okay. I extend those thoughts to you and hope you enjoy the beginning of the journey...no, the last chapter wasn't really the beginning, well it was, but it was more something you needed to know before the beginning began, anyway, all will become clear eventually.

**Protection - chapter two**

The heavy box landed on the wooden floor with a crash, the corner dinted and the contents spilled out over the floor. Emily whipped herself around with a burst of anger, had to take a couple of deep breaths to stop herself from screaming or slapping her younger brother. He shrugged apologetically as he recovered pots and pans before placing the box on the kitchen counter.

'That's the last of 'em,' Rob announced lowering a couple of bin bags onto the sofa as Jenna and Katie struggled with an awkwardly shaped bookshelf.

Emily nodded her head appreciatively. 'Thanks.'

Once the boxes had been shifted to their various rooms, Jenna made coffee, whilst Rob, Katie and James began to assemble the bed. Emily stood by the glass door which opened up to metal bars; they gave the suggestion of a balcony without being more than a fancy window. In reality they felt like prison bars, trapping her in the cell that was her new home. She opened the door and allowed the city breeze to fill the room, brushing against her face. If she could feel it, maybe she was still alive.

'You're going to catch your death,' Jenna muttered, pushing her carefully out of the way before locking the door and pocketing the key.

What did she think she was going to do?

'Are you hungry?' she fussed, fingering a piece of Emily's hair back behind her ear. 'It's been a while since lunch.'

'I'm fine,' she whispered, monotonously. Jenna didn't even notice, then again, she'd sounded that way for four years.

Emily moved back to the window and rested a hand upon the glass, against the prison wall. She watched a man walk his dog, wander idly along behind the slow pup until it hovered by a fence and began to empty its bladder. Maybe she would buy a dog, or a cat, or even a fish; anything to keep her company. That's what they'd told her, to find some way of not feeling alone.

'I'm really not sure about you staying here all on your own,' Jenna informed her, with that stern parental voice she loved to use. 'Maybe Katie should stay as well, just for a while.'

'I'll be okay,' Emily insisted, but her voice lacked the emphasis it needed to persuade even the gentlest of people. She mentally readied herself for sharing a bed with her dearest twin sister.

They got a takeaway from the nearest Chinese; Jenna made Emily and Katie walk there, just so she knew where it was. She didn't take any notice, even when Katie tried to point out the local sights that could help her find her way.

Why did she need a babysitter?

'Are you going to be a moody cow for the rest of your life or what?' Katie snapped, her arms folded in front of her as they stood in the Chinese.

Emily stared at the multi-coloured tiny tiles on the floor, started counting the dark blues until she ran out and moved on to light blue. She felt crazy when she did that, certifiably insane. If anything, it provided her with the comfort she needed to get by each day. The little things made it harder, or easier, depending on her mood.

'Like I want to fucking live with you either,' Katie finally barked. 'I'd rather be back at home in Liverpool where all my friends are, not stuck in some hole full of university students.'

Liverpool.

Home.

It wasn't home; it would never be her home. She couldn't tell _them_ that. Manchester wasn't home either, but it was as far from her parents as she could get without them growing hysterical about her wellbeing. It was an hour on the train, if that.

_Bristol_ was her home.

They may not have been born there, but they'd spent enough of their childhood running around the countryside and their teenage years falling out of clubs, that it didn't matter where they were born.

Bristol would always be home.

Until they'd dragged her away and treated it like some kind of cesspool that would infect her brain if she continued living there.

Their only valid reason was Naomi's death. Yes, she could say her name; she could shout it across the whole of Manchester if she wanted to. She wasn't scared of it, she didn't cry every time she thought of her. Not anymore.

'Are you even fucking listening to me?' Katie demanded, handing a couple of crumpled notes to the woman behind the counter.

'Not really,' Emily shrugged, taking both bags from the woman and carrying them out of the door before Katie even had their change.

She led the way back, mostly by instinct and a couple of distinct marks she remembered from the pavement. Katie rushed to keep up, talking away as fast as she usually did until Emily stopped in her tracks.

'Watch where you're fucking going,' Katie snarled, almost colliding with her.

She stared at a street corner a few yards away, the next street to her own. Her heart began to race and her chest pounded. Katie's tone loosened and her hand came down upon Emily's wrist, keeping it steady.

'What's happened?' she asked, blocking her view, stopping her from being able to see the blonde disappearing around the street corner.

'I, I thought,' she began, taking deep breaths in order to return herself to a regular breathing pattern. 'I thought I saw her.'

'She's gone Emily,' Katie whispered, taking one of the bags and kissing her lightly on the cheek.

'I thought,' Emily defended, but her words fell on deaf ears.

Katie had already set off walking and the street corner where she'd spotted the blonde lay empty. It was her imagination playing tricks, cruel, painful tricks that happened everywhere she went. No amount of counselling would stop her wishing, _begging_, that every blonde was Naomi.

With reluctance the family left, except for Katie who promised to stay another couple of days. That was all, much to Jenna's disappointment. Emily was relieved. Katie didn't want to be there as much as she didn't want her. She loved her, of course she did. But they were adults now, with lives that were very different.

She was ready to begin living once more. Her life had been put on hold long enough after the tragedy that had been her college years. To lose one friend was hard enough, but to lose three, one of which was the girl she loved. It had taken time and a lot of hard work. It had resulted in being pulled away from her home in the hope a change of scenery would bring a happier future to the whole family.

Bollocks.

Bristol or Liverpool; James still perved over girls, Katie still had early menopause and Emily, she was still heartbroken and she suspected she always would be. But it was a new beginning, a new life in a new place away from the painful memories of her past. Even if they continued to haunt her.

She started university on a Tuesday, four years later than the rest of her year group. That didn't really matter. She'd made it.

The university campus was one long street with various buildings dispersed along the periphery. The library, classrooms, places to eat, halls of residence. She entered the campus like a deer in car headlights, wide eyed, fearful but also a little excited by the danger. Students congregated at the bottoms of the steps to the Student Union, which she passed on her way to her welcome lecture. Excitement began to build as she entered the large lecture theatre, found a seat on the end of a row and began doodling in a notebook to settle her nerves.

'Welcome, welcome,' an old man greeted them all, before passing over to various important figures at the university.

Emily switched off once she'd gained answers to her only questions and continued to draw a little person on a moped. She liked to draw, if only to divert her memories and negative energy away from her conscious and into images. She drew mopeds a lot and lakes and biscuits, anything she thought of that she associated with Naomi became a doodle. The first year after it happened, she'd ended up with notebooks full of them which she taped together until her whole wall was covered in Naomified images.

'Good morning, I am this year's Student Union President.'

No matter how many pictures Emily drew, there were some things she could never put down on paper. The sound of Naomi's voice, the painful similarity between that and the female stood at the front of the hall. Emily closed her eyes and attempted to focus on her happy place, a technique her counsellor had taught her.

'My name is Naomi, my door is always open.'

When she opened her eyes again, Emily saw the woman speaking from her heart at the podium. Blonde hair, blue eyes and a tooth tucked lightly over her bottom lip as she paused in her speech.

She didn't just sound like Naomi.

She _was_ Naomi.

**Soooooooooo...thoughts? Please review.**


	3. It can't be, can it?

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: There's a lot of different theories going around, I particularly liked the vampire/evil twin from _Milch Getting_. I can safely say that isn't what is happening, but it made me laugh. Thanks to everyone for reviewing, I can't count how many times I got WTFs from that chapter, not sure why so many of them made me laugh, but I appreciate every one of them. All the confusion will be cleared up, maybe not in the next chapter, but eventually before the story ends!

**Protection - chapter three**

She was Naomi.

But she _couldn't_ be.

It finally happened, she'd finally flipped. Not only was she hallucinating, but she was hallucinating about a woman whose hair actually looked very different; dark blonde. A woman that informed them her surname was Brown. But it looked just like her, sounded like nobody she had ever met before or after the only girl she'd ever accepted into her heart.

'Fuck,' she groaned, holding her churning stomach and taking deep breaths.

This couldn't be happening; she couldn't be having a breakdown here, on her first day of university. The first day of the rest of her life. Her mother would never forgive herself for letting her live alone, for letting her _go out_ alone. Not when she learnt of her breakdown.

Emily slipped her notebook into her bag and glided out from her seat, rushing up the stairs with a lump in her throat. She tripped, her jelly legs failing her at the worst possible moment. She righted herself but didn't turn, didn't need to look towards the people behind her when she could hear the silence and feel the eyes burning holes into her back. Her cheeks flushed and she rushed ahead, turning finally at the door, where her eyes met with the blonde who wasn't that blonde anymore. It _was_ Naomi. It was definitely Naomi. She just didn't know if the Naomi in front of her was real, or if she'd completely lost her sense of reality.

When the cool air of the city street hit her, she doubled over between some plants and allowed the contents of her stomach to spill out into the soil.

The front door of the flat slammed behind her, sending vibrations of sound in her wake. Her early arrival brought the attention of her sister, who'd spent an hour, not long ago, fussing over her before allowing her to go to uni, alone.

'You're early,' she noted, sitting upright and throwing her magazine onto the coffee table. 'What happened?'

'I don't think I can do this,' Emily breathed, hyperventilating a little from the rushed walk back and the stressful situation she found herself in.

'What happened?' Katie repeated, not happy with the original answer.

'I think I'm going crazy,' she whispered.

'Again?'

Sometimes Katie was an insensitive bitch, whether she meant it or not. Emily fiddled with the clip on her bag, anything to keep her mind steady. She couldn't do it again; she couldn't go through wondering if they'd got it wrong. Naomi was _dead_, she had to be dead, there was no alternative.

'This isn't like the last time,' Emily tried, but even she doubted her sincerity. 'I _saw_ her, I'm sure I did. She was there, stood at the front of the fucking welcome lecture. Naomi Brown, dark blonde hair, student president for this year.'

Katie stood in front of her and stared into her eyes until she shut up, that locked glare forced her to pay attention. They'd grown apart over the last few years, not intentionally. Katie had tried to be there for her, but with grief as overwhelming as hers, she hadn't really been able to handle relationships, not even with her family.

'Are you listening to yourself?' Katie scoffed. '_Different_ hair, _different_ surname. There must be a hundred people within ten miles of here named Naomi, half of them will have blonde hair.'

'I _know_.'

She knew more than she cared to admit. She sounded mad, she acted mad, was it any surprise that Katie thought the same? There was just something so strong lingering though, she couldn't quite let go.

'But you didn't see her Katie. Her eyes, they were blue, _really_ blue like Naomi's and her voice, she spoke so passionately and her lip was tucked under her tooth like she always did when she was nervous or wanted to fuck.'

'That's well disgusting. Now I have the image of a dead Naomi wanting to have sex with you,' Katie groaned, throwing her hands up in the air with a sarcastic eye roll. 'It's not even midday; want to save the scaring until after it's gone dark?'

Once upon a time words like that would have landed her in bed for a week, a month even. Now she just laughed. Her hands still shook and her knees felt like they were about to give way, but she just laughed. Then the chuckles turned nervous and the realisation dawned on her once more.

'I don't know what to do,' she muttered, sitting on the sofa with her head in her hands and ignoring her sister's blatant disregard for her shattered emotions.

'Maybe you're not ready,' Katie uttered, with honesty. 'Maybe what happened is always going to have this effect on you.'

She lowered back onto the sofa, her hand tucked comfortably in Emily's. Emily squeezed it as tight as she considered acceptable, then she pulled it up to her chest where she held it still.

'I just want to live my life like everyone else.'

'Maybe you're not like everyone else.'

All the maybes, _too many_ maybes. Maybe if she hadn't pushed Naomi so hard they would be living happily ever after. She could come up with possibilities until the sun burnt out. No amount of speculating would change the fact that Naomi had died and she'd spent the last four years in and out of support organisations. Maybe Katie and her mother were right, perhaps she wasn't ready to live by herself, to function on her own without anyone around her.

Regardless of such, she couldn't sit there listening to Katie all day, she just wanted to curl up in bed and cry, or watch television or do anything that would take her mind off her reality.

The middle of the night brought on a nightmare, her first in nearly six months. She tossed and turned with sweat pouring from her forehead, whilst the same moment played out in her mind. She'd been without her for ten months when they started. All because she'd spotted a blonde down the road from the flat her family rented after they lost the house. She'd already spent six months struggling with Naomi's death, the last thing she needed when she'd finally found a little independence and hope for the future, was to see someone who appeared to be Naomi's identical.

She'd stood at the bus stop with one of Roundview's newest recruits, a girl called Franky. Or as James called her, Frankenstein the he-she, apparently all his friends knew who she was after she beat up someone's brother. Emily had never spoken to her, but she empathised with the difficulties that college brought. Once they'd paid their fare and found seats, Emily spotted that familiar face, those blue eyes and blonde hair. She'd rushed off the bus at some traffic lights, thanking the driver for her thirty second journey, before realising the blonde had vanished.

That was what played over in her dreams, constant repetitive moments. Stepping back on the pavement to find Naomi had gone and there the nightmare began again until she woke up covered in her own urine. On this particular occurrence, she woke up to Katie screaming at being covered in her urine and promptly disappeared into the bathroom for a shower.

As she always did after a nightmare, Emily found her Naomi box, a box of memories she'd collected as part of her therapy sessions. Inside were photographs, mementos from their time together. That was where she found the suicide note, tucked under a CD Naomi had made of their favourite songs.

The tiny, folded piece of paper had started to wear at the edges. She'd unfolded it countless times, ran a finger across the ink until the tip reached a piece of tape. They'd had to tape it back together after one of her outbursts, one of her moments of anger at Naomi for leaving her. No matter what she'd seen, or how painful it had been for her, she had no right leaving Emily, no fucking right. Her chest heaved with sorrowed breaths and it took every ounce of strength not to tear the letter to shreds once more.

If it wasn't for Naomi, she wouldn't be sitting in sodden pyjamas wishing for a normal life. If it wasn't for Naomi she wouldn't still wake up every single morning smiling at the thought of Naomi's beautiful smile, until reality set in and she remembered. That was the worst part, remembering, every single day, having to remember again and again and again.

She wondered sometimes why she hadn't done it herself, jumped. She'd been there, on the ledge, threatened to take her own life the way Naomi had. But she hadn't done it.

'Soon as it's open we're going to that fucking Student Union,' Katie shouted as she came out of the bathroom, pulling Emily from her negative train of thought. 'If you can't trust yourself to know who that Naomi is, then I'll do it for you.'

**Thanks again for the reviews :) feel free to review this one!**


	4. Decisions

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you for the reviews everyone! Still more speculating, which is always good. I wish I could say I had definitive answers for you in this next chapter, but I may have some. I hope you enjoy and I do love receiving reviews, so please leave a comment, they only take 30 seconds! Thanks again everyone for being so wonderful.

**Protection - chapter four**

When she woke up that morning she had butterflies in the pit of her stomach that fluttered and floated about. She attempted to spoon down a bowl of cereal which only made her want to be sick. Nerves had got the better of her and she knew there was no way out. When she finally sat down at the front of the lecture theatre she felt like a ghostly hovercraft, not quite there but shaking about so dramatically. She focused on the cue cards she'd spent days preparing until the faculty heads had finished their own speeches and her name was called. No turning back, no bottling it, she had to complete what she'd set out to achieve.

'Good morning, I am this year's Student Union President. My name is Naomi, my door is always open.'

The speech started well and her nerves began to dissipate with every fresh breath. She maintained a level of eye contact, switching between the various students in the room. She made sure to look at as many of their individual faces as possible. By the end of the year she would know some of them, others she'd know by name and a few she wouldn't ever see again. She was ready to begin her leadership of the Student Union, she'd wanted this for a long time, it had always been her intention to one day lead the future of a university's student body. Then the room went silent, a girl had slipped on the steps and Naomi's heart began to shudder. _Red hair._ There were plenty of people in the world with red hair, she reminded herself. She couldn't speak; she could barely breathe as the girl finished her climb up the stairs. Then she turned, looked right at her and no matter how many times Naomi had prepared herself for a similar moment, it balled her over like an unexpected emergency stop in a car. She uttered something to end her speech and fled the room.

'This can't be happening,' she called out to the empty corridor, marching back and forth until footsteps on the stairs made her jump back against the door.

There she was, Emily Fitch, _her_ Emily, leaving the building, throwing up outside. Naomi tried to breath but her throat closed over, her lungs emptied and she struggled to take in oxygen. She slouched to the floor, her eyes losing their focus as her body became deadweight. Until she began moving, not by her own will or the power of her own body, someone carried her. There was a vague knowledge of what was going on but beyond that she could have been dreaming for all she knew.

Eventually she come to, her body had become too heavy to hold up and her throat so dry it was like she'd eaten a whole Weetabix without milk. A hand held hers, clamped against it despite the sweat lacing her palm.

'Emily,' she whispered, despite the pain talking produced in her throat.

Staring at her with a worried expression and glistening eyes wasn't Emily, of course it wasn't her. But the disappointment was suffocating. She slipped her hand away from the woman, and moved back on the bed. Where was she? There were no curtains on the windows; she wasn't even on a bed, just the floor with a lumpy cushion between her and the wall.

'Naomi,' the woman calmed. 'It's okay, it's only me.'

'Where am I?' she muttered, needing an answer for her question.

'You're in the Humanities faculty office.'

The place began to make sense, the poster on the wall about the next General Election, a picture of her own campaign for Student Union President. She knew that room better than most students. They must have taken her there; after all it was the closest private area to the lecture theatre.

'What are you doing here?' she asked, looking to the woman. Her girlfriend. She loved her and yet one sighting of Emily and she doubted her existence in her life.

'I came to see your big day, when you ran out I needed to make sure you were okay. Who's Emily, babe?'

Emily. _Christ_. What could she say? How could she explain who Emily was? After years of hiding the truth, pretending to be someone else, how could she tell her girlfriend of eighteen months that Emily was and always would be the love of her life?

'I want to go home,' she requested, attempting to sit up.

'You still look very pale.'

'Jesus,' she snapped, rolling her eyes in frustration. 'I fainted Charlie, I'm fucking fine. Please can you just take me home?'

Charlie nodded her head, causing her soft brown curls to bounce about her shoulders. Naomi was a fucking tit sometimes, she never learnt. How could she get mad at her? She breathed in deeply and slowly, filling her lungs back up with oxygen before pushing a smile onto her face.

'I'm sorry,' she told her, reaching for her hand and pulling her close for a kiss. When their lips collided, the usual burst of energy filled her until Charlie's lips parted, allowing her entry. 'It's been a stressful day.'

Charlie merely stroked her cheek, smiling back with more love than Naomi could ever give her. She'd been enough; she would always have to be enough.

'Good job my lectures don't start until next week,' Charlie informed her, helping her to her feet and wrapping an arm of support around her back. 'Think you need to spend the rest of the day tucked up in bed.'

'You're so fucking insatiable,' Naomi grinned, tucking her lip under her tooth.

_'You_, babe, are the insatiable one. When one faints, one's girlfriend must play nurse. And no, not the dirty kind.'

'Spoil sport,' Naomi pouted, her bottom lip stuck out further like a small child not getting their own way. 'One shouldn't talk to one's girlfriend with such fine words unless one is hoping to fornicate.'

'Well then, if I can't speak the sweet sounds of our language the way I like I'll have to pretend I'm down wit the homies lookin' after ma girl in our digs, yo.'

'You're killing me,' Naomi sighed, her tooth chewing a little too hard on her lip.

'Not that too,' Charlie smirked. 'Is there anything that doesn't turn you on? I bet you're one of these closet dog lovers, or perhaps I should borrow my darling brother's moped.'

_'No_,' Naomi choked, the humour vanishing in an instant. Mopeds were an Emily thing. 'Can we just go home?'

Talk of something Emily-related was like reminding her of the decision she had to live with, the struggle of allowing herself to be with someone else when she knew Emily was out there somewhere, possibly broken, possibly unrecognisable to her now. The sheer thought was overpowering, enough to make her doubt the last four years beyond the everyday battle she already faced.

'If that's what my baby wants, that's what my baby gets,' Charlie smiled, leading her out onto the street.

Eventually Naomi found herself alone in their room whilst Charlie went to buy her some comfort food. She hadn't wanted to leave, but Naomi insisted that ice cream and chocolate digestives were a must. If she'd been honest she'd have asked for garibaldis, but she hadn't been able to eat them since Emily, even though she craved them monthly. Once satisfied that the flat was empty she climbed out of bed and rummaged in the back of her wardrobe. There she found an old jewellery box she'd bought at a car boot sale with Emily, her only momentum from the days before. Inside she kept a few items that reminded her of her mother, a watch, a couple of photographs. She wanted to avoid all of the questions that could be asked and so a secret compartment in the bottom of the box was where she kept what really mattered most. Unlocking the slot she pulled out a number of photographs, all torn and battered. When she found the one of her and Emily sat on the moped her eyes filled with tears which she promptly wiped away. She couldn't get herself into a state, not now, not when Charlie could come home at any second.

Every day she told herself she'd made the right decision, yet every day she found herself wondering why she ever thought it was a good one. Nothing would change the choice she made four years ago and nothing would make her okay with Emily being there. At _her_ university. Close enough to touch. Yet so far away she couldn't even contemplate what going there would mean.

**So there we have it...expected? Unexpected? Any other random thoughts? Just press that lovely comments button and let me know.**


	5. I need to see Naomi

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Chapter five already? I feel like I'm back, I actually feel like I'm really back into the writing world. I'm not sure how much of a chapter I will get done before Sunday as the new Skins novel came out and I'd like to read it before the Manchester book signing on Saturday. Speaking of Skins, who watched the series five finale? Wow! Anyway...back to Naomily...thanks for all of the reviews and to whoever it was that said "It still doesn't explain full what has happened." if you're expecting me to explain everything in the first few chapters, you're mistaken. Answers will come...but it's going to take a while.

**Protection - chapter five**

The crowded hustle and bustle of the Student Union sought to annoy Katie, or so she believed. Emily struggled to keep up, dodging students in order to stay as close behind her twin as possible. Her whole body shook from her fingers right down to her toes. The choice of day to seek out Naomi Brown brought nothing but stress. The doctors and therapists had told her a long time ago that her nightmares didn't need to be debilitating, but she had to look after herself. Emily severely doubted chasing after a ghost was following said advice.

'Can't we just go back to Liverpool and forget this ever happened?' Emily begged, clutching Katie's upper arm. She didn't really want to lose her newfound independence; she just couldn't cope with the difficulties it brought. She'd made a decision. If she couldn't survive one day, how could she survive the rest of her life?

'Fucking hell,' Katie stopped short of the Student Union reception desk, forcing Emily to grind to a halt beside her. Then she saw it, the huge banner with Naomi's face as high as the room. Naomi _Brown_, Naomi _Campbell_, she was still the _same_ person.

'I'm not going crazy, am I?' she whispered, fumbling with the bottom of her t-shirt.

Katie continued to stare with an indescribable look on her face, her eyes narrowing in the direction of Naomi's portrait. Emily watched her breathing heavily, could see the lump in her throat finally move as she began shaking beside her.

'No,' Katie uttered, inaudibly, still staring. 'I don't understand.'

'You think I do?' Emily cried out, her voice breaking up as tears filled her eyes.

Before, she assumed her eyes had been deceiving her, fooling her into believing this Naomi was _her_ Naomi. Now she was faced with the reality that it wasn't just her crazy, hallucinatory thoughts, it was _true_. Whether Naomi Brown was Naomi Campbell or not, the resemblance was frightening to anyone who knew their Naomi had died.

'She's dead Emily,' Katie reasoned. 'She killed herself, that's what they said. That's what we were told.'

After what felt like an age of standing facing the large banner, Katie stepped forwards towards the reception desk. The vacated space took a moment for Emily to process before she joined her sister by the counter.

'I'm her step-sister,' the end of Katie's conversation was the only thing Emily heard, but it was enough for her to panic at what was happening.

'Miss Brown is probably in the offices, but she usually has a meeting around now.'

'Please,' Katie begged. 'This is an emergency.'

They were offered seats, which they took. The clock ticked above their heads, a sound Emily tuned into. If this was going to happen she'd need a lot of courage to sit through it. The shear thought of Naomi being alive shook her to her very core and the sound of the clock was the only thing that lulled her into a sense of calm. A lump forged in her throat until she could barely breathe. Only Katie's hand tucked around her own kept her aware of the present moment.

'Miss Brown has informed me she doesn't have any step-sisters,' the woman told them as she approached the seating area. A huge weight fell from Emily's shoulders, settling her nerves in an instant. She couldn't do it. No matter who that girl was, she couldn't face her. Not without suffering a heart attack, or something equally terrible. She let out a long deep breath, one she hadn't realised she'd held.

'Fucking bitch,' Katie snapped, standing up as the woman walked away muttering disapproving thoughts.

Emily stood up and tried to calm her sister, anything to avoid the scene she was making. The last thing she wanted was to be kicked out of the Student Union or even the university, for unruly behaviour or allowing an outsider onto the premises. Not that she even knew the rules; maybe it was alright to bring friends along for the day? Unfortunately she'd missed her induction the afternoon before. As if on cue her phone started ringing and she spent the next few minutes explaining to the admin assistant of her department that she'd been unwell the day before.

'Who was that?' Katie asked, tearing herself away from a staring match with the receptionist.

'Someone called Mary; she works in the English department. I have to go over there now to see my tutor and meet my mentor.'

'What do you need a mentor for?' Katie queried, distracted.

Emily rolled her eyes. 'Mum spoke to them, said I'd need additional support. She's so fucking annoying.'

'What about Naomi!' Katie ordered, her voice growing louder again as she stuck two fingers up at the unhelpful receptionist.

What about Naomi? If she was honest, which she couldn't seem to be, she was glad the whole thing was a no-go. The worst thing about Naomi Brown coming into her life was not that she looked like Naomi, but that Katie was now forcing her to meet the poor woman who would probably be grilled until _she_ wanted to leave the university. A huge part of her wanted her to be Naomi Campbell, but the more realistic part of her knew that if she was, her whole life would never be the same.

'Think I have time to go chasing hallucinations?' she shouted, a little louder than she'd planned. 'It's probably just some fucking coincidence so stop making me do something I don't fucking want to do.'

'Look at you,' Katie screeched. 'You're a mess. This almost set you back, why are you being so fucking calm about who she is then shouting at me for wanting to help you? You're well bipolar sometimes.'

She didn't have time for pussy footing around, she'd spent too much of her time acting like everyone else was right or their opinion mattered more than her own. She'd been forced into therapy time and again. Despite it helping, she couldn't stand the fact her family seemed to think they knew what was best.

'I have to meet my tutor Katie,' she reminded her. 'I can't put off meeting him just because you want me to see if that girl is Naomi or not. Let's face it, these last few years have been nothing but me thinking I've seen Naomi on a street somewhere and ending up back in counselling. Do you think I need to let that happen again? For fuck's sake.'

Before another word could be said she'd pushed the door open and began walking down the pavement towards a board with a map on it. There she searched the building she needed and continued walking, not turning back for a second. She knew Katie had gone, whether she'd gone home or not, it didn't matter to her. She was so fucking sick and tired of everyone treating her like some kind of invalid. She wasn't sick; she just couldn't handle life for a while. Now she was finally finding herself again. Maybe she wasn't the same Emily, maybe she'd changed, but she had accepted that. It was time everyone else did too.

'Emily Fitch?' a tall, male dressed in corduroy held a hand out towards her; she took it, nodded her head and verbally confirmed his assumption. 'Great, come on in.'

The meeting lasted for approximately twenty minutes. The man, who asked her to call him Jeff, explained the course outline and handed over several sheets of paper; a map, a timetable and a list of events running before lectures began.

'Any questions before we wrap up?'

'I heard I would be having a mentor,' Emily spoke clearly, her nerves settling down as she found herself becoming more comfortable in his presence.

'Ah, yes,' he held up his two index fingers before opening the door and shouting down the corridor. A moment later a student not much different in age to herself appeared, her brown curls bouncing around her shoulders. 'Emily, this will be your mentor. Charlie is one of our third year students; she's just started working on her dissertation. I trust that you will be in our most capable of hands.'

Walking back down the stairs from the English corridor, Emily gained a spring in her step. For the first time she wasn't afraid of the future, of being alone or of trying to handle a life of independence. A smile fixed firmly on her lips as she walked through the automatic entrance doors into the street. There her smile slipped away as Katie stood with her hands on her hips.

'About fucking time, I was about to send out a search party.'

'What did you expect?' Emily muttered, walking off down the street towards home. 'I've been busy.'

'We're going back to that Union,' Katie ordered, struggling to keep up.

'Why bother?'

Katie pulled on her arm until she turned to face her. They stood staring into each other's eyes for a few minutes before Emily looked away.

'I know you Emily, you're acting tough, like you think I'll report back to mum if you can't handle something. I'm on your fucking side. You need to have your own life whether mum likes it or not. But you're never going to do that if you spend the next year pretending that Naomi isn't bothering you.'

'Katie,' Emily sighed, closing her eyes with frustration. Not at what Katie was saying, but because she was right. She'd tried to act like she could handle not knowing. She'd forced herself to get on with her day and for the most part had become distracted. But it was there, in the back of her mind, always hovering. No matter what she did, she knew it would never leave her. Not until she knew for sure.

'You need to know.'

A mere nod signalled to Katie that they were going to go home via the Student Union. She slipped her arm around Emily's and they walked with their arms linked together right up to the reception desk.

'You're back?' the woman asked, irritated.

'I need to see Naomi,' Katie demanded.

'And _who_ should I really say wants to speak with her?'

Katie paused, staring deep into the woman's eyes. There wasn't much chance of her backing down; Emily knew that from the way they looked at each other. The woman had probably been like Katie when she was younger, the perfect match, there wasn't much beating that.

'Tell her it's Katie Fitch.'

**I feel like we're making good progress, all comments are welcome. It takes me a few hours to write a chapter, it takes you just a few minutes (if that!) to review it.**


	6. Dead or Alive?

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: I thought I'd give you an extra chapter today since I managed to already get started on chapter seven. Thanks for all the reviews! Apologies...

**Protection - chapter six**

Being pulled out of a meeting, to be told your step-sister was downstairs saying she had to see you urgently, was the first sign that something wasn't quite right. For a whole minute after informing the woman that she had no siblings, Naomi's mind began to wander into the depths of her deceit. Did she? She didn't know that for a fact, not anymore. Who was she to know what was going on in Bristol, in her mother's life? Perhaps Kieran had finally made an honest woman out of her; perhaps he had children she never knew about. So much can happen in four years. But how would they know she was alive?

'Naomi, meeting,' Andrew, the Vice President of Education, called to her from the doorway. She nodded her head and returned to business.

After the meeting she set off to the Union cafe to pick up a sandwich, something she'd done every day since starting her job. Then she returned to her desk where she filed through a number of issues sent to her since the students started arriving on campus the week before. After successfully solving a couple of issues the phone began ringing.

'Naomi Brown,' she answered.

'The girl claiming to be your step-sister is back,' Chenise informed her.

She rolled her eyes, two weeks with actual students to think about and she'd been stuck with some joker thinking it clever to play with her mind. Christ, what did they want?

'She's changed her mind about being your step-sister, says to tell you it's Katie Fitch.'

The phone slipped from her fingers onto the desk where the battery cover broke off and the double As fell out. She tried to repair the damage but her fingers shook uncontrollably. The batteries appeared to be the wrong size for the slots they'd just vacated, or perhaps it was her eyesight that was the problem. She felt weak again. Her clammy fingers held on tightly to the desk as she removed the ankle she'd been sitting on, anything to minimise the risk of hurting herself should she become unconscious again. This wasn't how her Presidency was supposed to go. She'd waited three years for this moment and it was on the way to being a massive, royal fuck up. Her mobile vibrated in her pocket, a message from Charlie. She smiled upon seeing her name and hoped her words would help settled her shattered interior.

'Got a mentee, she's a bit messed up apparently. But she's a nice girl, Emily Fitch. I bet you two would get along great. Think she's as gay as a window too.'

When things went badly in Naomi's life, they seemed to go from playground argument to World War three in as quick a time as possible. Her heart beat faster and her head became heavy. Don't faint. Don't faint. She repeated to herself in the hope of warding off the unwanted weakness. To no avail. She slouched over her desk, resting her head into her hands, hoping the sick feeling in the pit of her stomach would depart.

The appearance of the Fitch twins was difficult enough to bear, knowing with surety that Emily would be attending the university made the problem more real. Having her girlfriend mentor her ex who thought she was dead made the whole situation worse.

How could she realistically ask Charlie not to work with her? She'd been so proud the day she came home to tell her she'd been chosen for the mentor project. The smile on her face had been infectious and there had been nothing she could do to stop them fucking all night by way of celebration. But Naomi knew what it was she loved about Charlie, besides her skills in the bedroom and her infectious smile. She had the same massive heart that Emily had possessed.

Why did she let her go?

_Fuck_.

It took her years to find an element of peace with her decision. Enough that she could move on. The decision to move on hadn't really been her own, it sort of happened before she could control it. Charlie had been a good friend, a really good friend. They'd started on the politics degree together but the first year had been hard on Charlie. Naomi had done everything she could to support her. In the end she quit and changed to an English degree. They'd remained friends through various parts of their lives, most notable, Charlie's break up with her boyfriend. It was only then she realised that the girl she always thought to be straight was actually bisexual. Charlie kissed her after a drunken night out, which lead to a date and eventually they moved in together.

None of that changed Katie Fitch being downstairs waiting for her. Whether Emily was there too she didn't know. But the possibility that her carefully formed life could be shattered in as long as it took for Katie to hurl some form of abuse, broke down her defences and left her shaking.

'Miss Brown?' the receptionist from downstairs appeared in the doorway, worry lacing her voice. It took a moment for her to respond. Once in a while she forgot her name, imagined someone else was the one being spoken to. In all her worries Naomi had completely forgotten that she'd broken the phone and hadn't finished the conversation.

'Sorry,' she assured her, standing up and leaving the office.

She was scared, fucking petrified of what would happen when she left the room. But it was now or never.

The walk into the foyer was like being on death row. Instead of walking to her death she was walking to her rebirth. Did they know? Did they _really_ know it was her? Why wouldn't they? She still knew every inch of Emily's body, from the mole on the back of her neck to the tiny scar on her heel. She'd studied her like an art student might study a painting, or a writer might study a poem. She had spent a year dissecting Emily's personality, locking everything she knew about her into various boxes in her heart. Leaving her, starting a new life, didn't change what was etched on the back of her mind.

Seeing her in the corridor, she could have been waiting for Naomi to finish her late Politics lesson on an average Tuesday at Roundview. Her hair hung in roughly the same way except it was longer, it looked amazing. Seeing her, transported her back to a simpler time, where her heart broke because she wasn't strong enough to contain it. Now it broke for hundreds of other reasons, not least the ghostly white colour that Emily turned when she realised just who she was.

'Naomi _Brown_, fucking liar,' Katie shouted, filling the space between them and bringing her hand down hard across Naomi's cheek. She stumbled backwards, not quite expecting the reaction she'd received. She turned to Emily, what was there to say? How could she explain everything she'd done?

'Well?' Katie snapped. 'Fucking explain yourself you cow.'

'Emily,' she spoke, her voice painfully quiet yet loud enough to be heard.

That was all she managed to say before Emily turned around and fled the building. Katie glared at her, her familiar death stare that spoke volumes and then she chased after her sister.

**Is anyone tearing their hair out yet?**


	7. Fighting Back

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Sorry for the lack of a chapter yesterday, I was too nervous about going to the book signing in Manchester, which (despite being very rushed) was great! My book went missing, which was rather funny, ended up getting another one, then got my book back. All very random. Anyway, back to generation 2, where my heart lies...

**Protection - chapter seven**

Emily had never seen a ghost, but she suspected doing so wouldn't be much different to seeing Naomi walk across the foyer towards them. She doubted her shattered confidence, suspecting once more that she had got it wrong. Naomi Brown had to be some doppelganger whose sole purpose was to break her once she'd finally found her feet. But no, she wasn't a doppelganger, or a ghost, or a hallucination. When Katie slapped her, the collision hit Emily's own cheek with full force. Their eyes connected, blue on brown, brown on blue and her whole world crashed down around her.

The last four years, each of which had been as painful as the one before, disappeared into a vortex. That's where they belonged. She could have fallen asleep years ago, comatose and still been in the exact same position of seeing Naomi for the very first time.

'Emily.'

Nothing could make her name spoken on Naomi's tongue any less like the hopes she had for the first six months of her bereavement. Every time she cried or stopped doing something, she had considered what it would be like if Naomi walked through the door. What if she hadn't really died? What if it was all a dream? What if Naomi walked into a room and whispered her name, just one last time? Maybe that's why she had so much trouble letting go.

As it turned out, the beautiful reunion she'd pictured repeatedly had shattered on the floor between them. There was no denying any longer that Naomi Brown _was_ Naomi Campbell and that very knowledge set her feet in motion as she ran off down the street.

Some things were just too difficult to handle all in one go and seeing Naomi after four years, hearing her say her name, watching her lips move, it was all too much. A wave of sickness passed through her stomach until it reached her throat. Two days in a row she found herself crouched down outside throwing up. If she wasn't careful she'd get herself a reputation for having horrendous hangovers. In reality, she hadn't drunk alcohol since sixteen months after Naomi's death. Or what she thought was her death.

Questions formed in her mind, appearing out of nowhere as she continued to process her thoughts. Too many things she wanted know but couldn't face the only person who could tell her.

Why was she alive? _How_ was she alive? Why did she leave? Why did she pretend to die? Why hadn't she taken her with her? Did Gina know about this? Did she tell _anyone_ before she 'died'? How could this be happening?

Too many questions forced themselves into her brain at once, so many so that she could barely think them all up as her head ached from the strain. She needed answers. She just wasn't sure she was ready to hear them. What if it was her fault Naomi left? What if she'd done something to push her away? What if everything she'd dreamed could happen if Naomi had come back was all just a fantasy?

The thoughts were overwhelming, suffocating and ultimately unbearable. If she could turn back the clock she'd go back to the day she decided to attend the University of Manchester, or back to the day when Naomi supposedly jumped into the river.

'Emily? Are you okay?'

She stopped walking and turned around at the sound of her name being called behind her, a voice she didn't recognise or at least wasn't familiar enough with to remember. She couldn't deny her memory of those bouncing curls that seemed to shine under the gentle glare of the autumn sun. Seeing a familiar face, no matter how unfamiliar she really was, set a ball rolling that Emily doubted she could stop.

The first tear landed on her cheek and rolled down to the corner of her mouth. When the second one followed Emily could taste the salt on her lip. Then her whole face crumbled, her body shook and she dropped into Charlie's arms.

'Okay,' Charlie called out calmly, guiding her towards a quiet part of outdoor space where a tree sheltered a bench, there she helped her sit down. 'Here we go.'

Feeling Charlie's arms wrapped around her provided her with the comfort she'd needed, whether it had been from her sister or a near stranger. Years of counselling had made it easier to open up to people she didn't know and so she began the story of her near breakdown.

'My ex-girlfriend is alive,' she gasped, the words alien to a tongue that had claimed she'd died on multiple occasions. 'I thought she died, she did _died_, they said she jumped off a bridge into a river but she's here and she's alive and I don't know what to do.'

Further tears spilled out against Charlie's shoulder, soaking the material of her top. Emily apologised profusely and pulled herself to her feet. She couldn't sit there falling apart with a stranger, it wasn't fair, not when they'd only just met. Mentor or not, she suspected that wasn't part of her job.

'I need to go home,' she sobbed, wiping at her tearstained cheeks.

'Are you sure you want to?' Charlie asked in a gentle, comforting way.

'I don't know, I just, I can't fucking do this,' Emily cried, running her hands through her hair. 'I can't handle knowing that she's alive, I couldn't handle her being dead but this, it's so fucking unbelievable I don't know whether I'm going crazy. Maybe I'm just dreaming, maybe it's all some massive fucking misunderstanding.'

'Let me walk you home,' Charlie offered, resting a hand on her back as she stood up and pushed her lightly towards the pavement. 'I don't think you should be alone right now, is there someone there that will be able to look after you?'

When Emily cried heavily her breathing became a struggle and as they walked down the street, she began to gasp for air. Her lung capacity decreased with every footstep and she choked a little on her tears.

'Hope so,' she gasped, struggling to control her emotions, the words coming out broken and barely audible.

Opening the door to the apartment, Emily found herself in the middle of a war zone. Katie was screaming down the phone to who Emily could only presume was their mother. She took a step back, colliding with Charlie; she quickly apologised, but barely moved.

'Are you sure you want to stay here?' Charlie whispered, rubbing her back as she continued to whimper.

'I'll be okay,' she assured her, not really believing it herself.

'It's not my fault she's back mum, do you think I'd have agreed with Emily about her being more independent if I'd expected that fucking bitch to be alive?'

Eventually the phone call ended, Katie quickly hung up and threw her mobile against the sofa. Her eyes staring deeply into Emily's for as long as possible before she took a long, deep breath.

'Pack your bags Ems; we're going back to Liverpool. Mum says if we're not back there by tomorrow morning she'll come and get us.'

'_No_.'

Out of everything that had happened that day, the last thing Emily wanted to do was cut her independence short. She could barely handle what was happening as it was, without her incessant family fussing around her. Sometimes she doubted her ability to live alone but now that she was faced with returning to her family home, she didn't want to.

'What?' Katie asked, staring at her again.

'I said no,' Emily repeated. 'I'm not going home. You can do what the fuck you like but I'm staying here.'

'Didn't you hear me Ems?' Katie snapped. 'We're _going home_, tonight.'

'And I said no, I'm not going anywhere.'

'I think what Emily wants is important,' Charlie suggested, sending a dazzling smile in Katie's direction.

'Who the _fuck_ are you?' Katie snarled, standing in front of her with her fiercest expression.

The last thing Emily wanted was for her sister to push away the one friend she'd managed to make since starting university. But when Katie got angry, she was difficult to contend with at the best of times. Emily wasn't sure she had the energy to fight back. So she just watched, hoping that Charlie wouldn't be frightened off.

Charlie moved forwards, her height amplified as she towered over Katie, her own eyes burning into Katie's like lasers. 'Who the fuck are _you_ to talk to Emily like that? She's a grown woman, not a child; she doesn't need some overpowering bitch controlling her.'

Cowering in reaction, Katie stepped back, her eyes moving to Emily's, defeated.

'Why did you bring this fucking cow in here? She's got nothing to do with this,' she shouted, ignoring Charlie as she stood with her arms folded.

Emily shrugged her shoulders and didn't respond to her sister. There was little to say, except that she wouldn't be going anywhere. Especially since she had a friend like Charlie.

'You should go Charlie,' she muttered, sending her a thank you smile.

'I'm not sure I should be leaving you with her.'

'I'll be fine, I promise.'

With a brief nod and smile Charlie muttered a farewell and disappeared out of the door. Emily took over Charlie's stance, folding her arms across her chest and glaring into Katie's eyes with defiance. It was about time she stood up for herself.

'I'm not going anywhere. If you want to leave, then leave. I don't want you here anyway. It's time you and mum stopped treating me like a fucking invalid. I'm going for a walk. You'd better be gone by the time I get back.'

**Phew. So...who's still enjoying it? Anything you're loving or hating especially? I want to know, so please leave me a comment.**


	8. Guilt and Lies

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you so much for the reviews everyone! To the person who said 'Are we ever going to find out what happened.' eventually of course you will, but I'm not just going to put it all in one chapter and hand it to you, it's going to take time.

Thank you **Archer **for the review, it was a really lovely message, I'm only sorry I couldn't reply to you in the same way I reply to most of the other reviews! So here I am, thanking you for your review, it's much appreciated!

**Warning**: This chapter contains one of our girls having sex...but not with the other one.

**Protection - chapter eight**

How many times in her lifetime would she be forced to lie to her girlfriend? Not that anyone was forcing her, just like nobody forced her to lie to Emily when she cheated on her in college. The answer was simple really, she was a fucking coward, too afraid to hurt the people she loved. Even though she knew it would all come crashing down like a derelict building mid-demolition, she did it anyway.

'Finally,' she greeted Charlie, stirring a pan of curry on the hob as her girlfriend's arms wrapped around her waist. She stood up straight, the hairs on her neck standing just as tall as Charlie's lips pressed softly against the crook of her neck.

'Sorry I'm late,' she whispered, her lips moving across the back of Naomi's shoulder blades. 'Stressful afternoon, ended up walking into town and back.'

Naomi turned in her arms, holding out the spoon for her to taste the curry before placing it back on the work surface. Then she wrapped her arms tightly around Charlie's shoulders and let out a long, drawn out sigh.

'You sound as warn out as I feel,' she breathed, nuzzling her face against Naomi's skin.

'I guess this job is more stressful than I realised,' she muttered, thankful to be staring at the fridge and not Charlie's face. It scared her how easily the lie came out, as though the most natural thing she could ever say. As easy as the phone call she made to the police the night she 'died'.

Charlie stepped back, holding her at arm's length. 'Anything you want to talk about babe?'

'Pass,' she mumbled, leaning in for a kiss which lasted longer than she expected. 'What about you?'

'Can't really, mentor-mentee confidentiality and all that.'

'You saw Emily?' she asked, quicker than she should have. 'I mean, I thought you weren't seeing her so soon.'

'I wasn't, but I ran into her and she was upset.'

'What did she say?' Naomi asked, her voice breaking up under the strain.

'Naomi,' Charlie defended, stepping out of her arms. 'I've already told you that I can't tell you what we talked about. Why are you getting so worked up?'

She closed her eyes, blocking out the world around her for a moment whilst she felt around for Charlie's waist. Pulling her towards her, she held her close and began kissing her neck, anything to distract herself.

'If you're doing this to avoid my questions,' Charlie asked, covering her neck with her hand.

'She's one of my students isn't she,' Naomi muttered. 'They're all my responsibility, every last one of them.'

'You worry too much sometimes,' Charlie smiled, tracing a finger around her forehead and kissing her nose. 'I don't want you getting wrinkles.'

'Let's not talk,' Naomi whispered, holding Charlie's chin in one hand. 'I just want to fuck you.'

Charlie reached behind her to turn off the hob before sliding her hand up the back of Naomi's t-shirt and fumbling with her bra clasp. Their lips collided in a number of short, quick pecks before she opened her mouth and allowed her girlfriend's tongue to enter. Aside from sex, Naomi's favourite thing in the world was kissing and Charlie knew it. She slipped her t-shirt over her head, and along with her bra, dropped them onto the floor, pulling Charlie out of the kitchen by her hand.

Their clothes were discarded on the journey through the flat until Naomi stood in their bedroom doorway in only her pants, her lip tucked under her tooth as she watched Charlie slip out of her trousers. She loved her, how could she not? Those lightly tanned thighs, her perfectly round posterior and the way she wore a thong just so she could show it off to Naomi at every available opportunity. She was strong, confident and ultimately the most generous person she'd ever met. The attraction was astounding. After Emily, she thought she'd never be able to find anyone ever again.

But now, now she was faced with the return of the one person who always had the ability to steal her heart and slip in under her carefully constructed radar. Even though she'd managed to give herself to Charlie, Naomi was still guarded and had managed to withhold huge portions of herself.

'I love you so fucking much,' she murmured, telling her what she loved hearing when they had sex. Then she pushed Charlie up against the wall, holding her hands above her head as she kissed her deeply.

Guilt pushed her forwards into each and every act, her tongue dancing inside Charlie's mouth, her fingers positioned on the edge of her thong. Naomi closed her eyes, wanted to get lost in exploring the body she didn't know all that well. Yes they'd had sex, _lots_ of sex, but she'd never found the time to explore every nook and cranny. In the seventeen months that they'd been physical, she'd learnt only a fraction of Charlie's skin as she did about Emily's in the first two weeks after they were officially outed.

Naomi moved her arms around Charlie's body, lifting her up off the floor until her legs wrapped tightly around Naomi's waist. She took a few steps, planned to lower her onto the bed, but didn't want to waste another second. With her eyes closed she placed her on the floor and removed her thong and slid her fingers across the most sensitive parts of Charlie's skin. With each action, the brown in her mind was replaced with red and there she made love to two women at once.

They didn't move off the floor when they finished, just lay there side by side in the doorway, breathing heavily. Naomi stared at the ceiling, attempting to count the small, white lumps in the plaster. She couldn't allow herself to think, especially about what she'd just done. She didn't know why she felt so guilty; it was only her mind playing out other possibilities in order to intensify the moment. But Charlie had been nothing but nice to her and there she was fantasising about someone living and breathing and very much a part of their lives.

'I don't think it's ever been that good,' Charlie spoke; her voice light and airy and Naomi could tell, without even looking at her, that she was smiling. Her heart twisted up inside her chest.

She didn't speak, no words felt good enough, no response genuine. Physically she'd never needed much more than Charlie to get through; the physical attraction was usually enough. Now she realised that it had never been enough, not really. It was good, but it had never been as mind-blowing as that night. How could she explain to Charlie that it wasn't because of her?

Eventually Charlie moved, went to take a shower and despite begging Naomi in her sexiest voice to join her, she stayed there on the floor. By the time the water was in full blow across the hallway, Naomi was slipping into fresh underwear and her most comfortable clothes. The room had suddenly become smaller; suffocating her with humidity that she knew was all in her head.

She left a note pinned to the door, a simple message that only said 'Gone for a walk, don't wait up'. She didn't want to worry her or cause her to wonder what was going on, but she couldn't spend the rest of the evening sitting across from her, eating curry and drinking wine. She couldn't even look at her.

The walk settled her down, cooled her off and made her feel more relaxed. Her fingers tapped against her thighs as she walked, never quite satisfied with their lack of requirement. There was only a certain time when walking through the park was acceptable and as the sun set was not one of those times. Naomi didn't care. As often as she was prepared to talk about student safety, right then she couldn't begin to think about her own.

The quiet footpaths brought her the solace she needed; she kept walking until reached the bench she usually sat on. Unexpectedly, it wasn't empty. Sometimes youths sat around causing trouble, drinking alcohol and making a mess, but the one person she didn't expect to be sat on her bench was Emily. Darkness cloaked the space around her, but Naomi knew who she was from her shape. How could she forget that shape? She walked closer, fearful of making her jump, but unable to find a way of warning her of her presence. She swallowed the lump in her throat and cleared it quickly.

'Emily, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see, but I needed you to know that I'm so sorry.'

**I hope you'll all be joining me for the next chapter...which is going to be an important one. Though perhaps not in the way anyone will be expecting...**


	9. Forgetting Answers

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews...here's chapter nine...enjoy!

**Protection - chapter nine**

The night surrounded the park with darkness, invading every inch of space like liquid in an oddly shaped container. The sound of birdsong disappeared with the fading light and the lulled movement of the small pond and rustling of trees, filled the void. Emily pressed the ignore button on her phone for the twelfth time in a row then turned it off. She liked the quiet, the peace and tranquillity that a place like that could possess. A small sanctuary in the mayhem of a big city was like a fresh breath in a smoke filled room. She could breathe and although the light was poor, she could see clearer than she had all day. Naomi was alive. She could pretend it was her mind playing tricks on her, or accept it for what it was. A miracle? A dream come true? A nightmare? She couldn't be sure until she'd spoken to Naomi.

'Emily, I know I'm probably the last person you want to see, but I needed you to know that I'm so sorry.'

Her voice travelled across the calm air and like butterflies landing softly on an open flower the words reached Emily's ears, travelled down the vehicular passages of her head until her brain made sense of them. She sat, frozen to the spot for a moment. When she wished to speak to Naomi, she hadn't anticipated it happening so quickly. Yet there they were, a coincidence playing out at the most unexpected time.

'Oh,' Emily whispered, not quite turning her head fully, just enough to see her shape, to recognise the hand that lit up under the moon's dull glare.

'I need to explain,' she cried, her voice intertwined with choked up tears.

'You can't.'

Not because she didn't want to, but because she was Naomi and Naomi didn't do things quickly, or easily. She'd learnt that a long time ago. She would get her answers, eventually.

'I know you must have an explanation, a reason for what you did. I just hope it's a good one.'

'I, I saw something that I will never get over,' she began, leaving Emily with mixed feelings about whether to hope for a full explanation or not. 'I wish that didn't sound as much of a cop out as it feels, but it's all I can give.'

'I know,' she whispered, her realistic expectations happy with what they'd been given. But deep down a sense of disappointment filled her. She did want to know, she wanted Naomi to want to tell her.

Eventually Emily stood and her eyes fell upon Naomi's face, one half of her features cloaked in shadow whilst the rest stood out under the light of the moon. Her heart jumped up into her throat. She stood there, so close that Emily could almost feel her lips, the memory of their mouths joined together. If she thought hard enough she could feel Naomi's body under her fingers, her hips pressed against Emily's until they were as close as possible. As her thoughts filled her mind, her body moved closer to meet Naomi's and there she stared her down, looked deeply into Naomi's eyes as though they were the most important thing on earth.

A lump grew in the back of her throat, reality hitting her entirely as she reached a hand up to Naomi's face, slowly at first, her fingertips lightly brushing her cheek. She moved them back, as though the skin was as hot as coals on a fire. Burnt by the touch.

'You're real, aren't you?'

'Yes.'

'You're really you?'

'I really am.'

Emily expected to feel angry, to want to shout and scream and demand an explanation from her. But being so close, seeing into her sorrowful eyes, she could barely breathe. Her hand moved instinctively up to Naomi's check again where she slid her fingers and palm against it. Ghosts couldn't be touched, not like that.

Then their lips met. Emily wasn't sure who moved in first, but when the shadow fell upon her face she closed her eyes, allowed the touch to fill her up. Naomi's mouth captured her own. She couldn't breathe out, didn't want to let go of the feeling of Naomi's lips moving slowly on her own. Hallucinations couldn't kiss, not like Naomi could. And her imagination couldn't produce the electricity that sparked between them.

They tumbled; fell onto the ground in laughter so infectious that Emily thought she might die from the strain on her throat. The lush grass beneath them felt like a blanket on the floor, moulding to the shape of their conjoined bodies. The air circulated around them with gentle gusts of the evening breeze, yet the cool night didn't seem able to counteract the heat between them. Emily's breath came out in short, sharp rasps which followed the same rhythm as Naomi's moans which tickled her face.

Somewhere inside her brain the realistic part of herself asked what the fuck she was doing, why she was giving in to four years of unplaced desire. The angel on her shoulder begged her not to continue. She needed answers; she needed every question she'd formed over the last forty eight hours explaining.

Nothing would change that.

But it was too late.

There was no turning back and regardless of the situation they were in, Emily didn't want to stop. They had the rest of their lives to talk about what happened. Tomorrow she could feel angry or upset or betrayed, but for now, she just wanted to _feel_.

She loved Naomi; four years without her hadn't changed that. Twenty years wouldn't have changed it either. Ignoring her more sensible self, the devil on her shoulder, who always sounded like Katie, popped into her head telling her to grab the opportunity with both hands.

As their lips moved together, their hands quickly travelled across each other's backs, their legs twisted round each other and Emily hastily unfastened Naomi's trousers, sliding them away so that she could push one hand into her soaking wet underwear.

'Christ,' Naomi groaned, biting her lip as Emily's hand touched her, reached into her until Naomi's hips thrust back against her hand. Naomi's fingers blindly searched for the elastic of Emily's knickers, pushing them aside. Their hands moved together with their bodies until they moaned loudly and Emily could feel the fog lifting as she finally felt alive.


	10. Drinking It Away

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thanks for the reviews, I keep meaning to respond to them all but when I upload chapters at work it's a little harder to find the time once I get home. I do appreciate each and everyone single one of them.

**Protection - chapter ten**

The park looked darker when Naomi left, her feet shuffled along the footpath, too afraid to step quickly in case she ended up slipping into the pond. Leaving Emily was a stupid idea; leaving Emily alone in a pitch black city park was terrible. How else could she describe it? Her life was a path of actions, most of which involved leaving Emily somewhere, at sometime. That first night they spent as friends in her room at sixteen, the first night they were together in college, the last night she ever saw her. She could be defined by those actions alone and nobody would be far wrong. She was a coward, a fucking pussy, that's what Cook would have called her. She swallowed a lump in her throat. She couldn't think about him without that lump growing like a tumour. Maybe that was why she forced herself to forget. Too painful.

She turned back at the park entrance, looked into the distance, hoping that Emily wouldn't be following close behind. The night shouldn't have happened. Even when she cheated on Emily years ago, she'd never gone from one bed to another in the same night. That wasn't what she did. She loved Charlie, she wouldn't hurt her.

But it was _Emily_.

The beautiful, feisty, caring girl she'd fallen in love with and never found herself falling out of it, even without her there. She wasn't the same anymore; her eyes were windows to the last few years, portals through which she could see the suffering she'd endured, at her own hand. But she was still Emily deep down. How could she allow them to sleep together when she should have been ripping her head off?

The streets were deserted except for a handful of students gathered around the Bargain Booze. The majority of them were probably still in town getting drunk, falling in and out of bars and throwing up on the pavement. She reached a hand into her pocket and reached around for some money, enough to buy a bottle, just. She entered the shop and marched up to the counter, smiling at the man she'd formed at basic relationship with. They knew each other by face, shared a brief conversation about life and then she carried her purchase out.

The Vodka hit the back of her throat like ice in a hot hand. The burn felt good, sobering from her evening. She walked along the main road towards the flats, chugging back gulps of alcohol mixed with air. Her responsibilities disappeared from her conscious long enough to down half the bottle; too much, too quickly. She stopped at the door to the flats, rested a hand on the dark uPVC frame. How could she set foot inside her home? How could she face her girlfriend? The sex with Emily wasn't what bothered her, they'd both been tempted before, they'd discussed their desires and once or twice they'd acted on them with prior consent. But that was because they loved each other, they trusted each other and at the end of a long night drinking and ogling others, they went home together. If Charlie knew half of what she felt at that very moment Naomi knew her whole world would crash and burn. The lies, the deceit, the betrayal. She'd done it all, not learning from the mistakes she'd made with Emily all those years ago.

Another mouthful. One step closer to a hangover. One step away from reality. Except she could never really escape her pain. She just splashed about, like Cook, acting like none of it mattered. For the first time in years, _everything_ mattered. She'd matured, grown up quickly when she first arrived in Manchester, yet there she was getting shitfaced on her doorstep, alone. She'd fucked her girlfriend's mentee in the middle of a park while Charlie sat at home probably wondering where the fuck she went.

Of all the universities for Emily to turn up to, of all the mentors she could have had. What were the chances? Naomi had never really believed in coincidences, she didn't believe in fate either. If she did, she suspected this would be karma kicking her back down where she belonged.

She hadn't checked her phone since dropping it into her pocket earlier in the evening, now she glared at the tiny screen, struggling to make out the six missed calls, two voicemails and one text awaiting her. If she didn't know the situation any better she'd ring Charlie back and tell her to stop being so fucking possessive. Deep down she knew Charlie would be sat on the sofa pretending to watch whatever was on television, secretly watching the clock until she finally came home.

The small arched cove beside the front door became suddenly alluring, despite the horrible stench coming from the bins. She perched on one of the recycling boxes and took another swig. This wasn't how the year was supposed to begin. She was meant to have the best job in the world, living with the best, well, second-best girlfriend. Her life wasn't supposed to fall apart that quickly.

Now Emily knew she wasn't deceased there were so many implications she could barely breathe thinking about them. Her mother, her poor mother still believed she'd died. How could she go back? How could she explain when she couldn't even tell Emily? Regardless of how she felt, of how necessary it was to give Emily exactly what she wanted, giving in to desire had been the wrong thing to do. Who greets their dead girlfriend with a welcome back fuck? Who lets them? She'd been ashamed of who she'd become for years, there wasn't much lower she could sink.

Until now.

Everything was happening so quickly.

'Naomi?' Charlie called into the dark; wrapping her dressing gown tightly around her waist. Naomi hiccupped loudly, slipping off the box.

'Sorry,' she shouted, hitting Charlie's hands away as she tried to pick her up. 'I'm fine. I'll be fine.'

'What the fuck have you been doing? I thought you had another Welcome speech in the morning? Where have you even been?'

Naomi nodded her head and climbed to her now unsteady feet. 'Two Charlie's,' she grinned reaching a hand out to touch her, missing her entirely.

'I could hear you from upstairs, keep your voice down, what are you doing?'

'Getting fucked,' she sighed, dropping the bottle on the floor where it smashed. 'It's okay, it's okay, got another one in the cupboard.'

Without another word, Charlie ushered her up the stairs, each step feeling like a mountain to climb as the amount of alcohol in her system slowed everything down. Charlie's wrapped an arm around her waist, supporting her like those stands that held porcelain dolls upright.

'I love you,' Naomi assured her as she lay down in bed, her arms wrapped tightly around Charlie's neck. 'You need to know, okay?'

'I love you too,' Charlie smiled, kissing her forehead and pulling the duvet up around Naomi's neck.

The thoughts that swirled around inside Naomi's head began to disappear, to fall away with the alcohol induced slumber stealing her body. She would give anything to wake up and not have to remember, not have to think about the things she'd done or seen. Why did Emily have to come back? Why did her life have to be turned upside down again and again? All because of that one night she wished she could never remember.

**Don't forget to review...even if you don't have an account on here you can still review my fics!**


	11. When It All Sinks In

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Apologies for the delay in getting this one to you. You know where there's just one part you can't quite get right, you can't quite figure out, this one was it. So frustrating, but I think I'm happy with how it turned out.

**Protection - chapter eleven**

Looking at the stars in the sky was like staring up at the badly decorated ceiling in the hospital. The vast space above her was a great deal more daunting than the plastered ceiling painted with black and glow in the dark paint. One had been a prison, trapping her beneath the small height of the room and the other could have been never ending for all she knew.

One night a long time ago, or so it felt, when she was a small child, they went camping. Jenna had hated it from the moment they set foot on the mostly empty field, so much so that by ten pm she'd packed up the car with Katie fastened onto her booster seat. That was the first time the family had been divided. At just two years old, James stood with mud up to his knees and dirt all around his cheeks, happy as Larry at being there in a field. Emily had been collecting wood at the time, for a proper fire. She dropped a pile of kindling by her dad's foot and stared at Katie, like the world had ended. After a brief discussion about where she and James wanted to spend the night, Jenna drove herself and Katie to a hotel. That was the first time she'd slept under the stars. Each tiny light had given her a ray of hope about the world. If something so beautiful could exist in something often perceived as scary, how could anything be horrible?

Every year for one weekend Jenna and Katie would go to a spa whilst Emily, James and their dad slept under the stars and cooked food over fires. Rustic, traditional living, right in the middle of Devon. Then there was the one night she spent with Naomi under the stars, their first and only night without cover, except for the large sheet of darkness. As she grew, camping with the family didn't really happen anymore. Then Naomi had died, resulting in her spending a couple of months in that badly decorated room.

After everything, all those memories had been tampered with, destroyed by one event that now she discovered wasn't even real. She hated it, everything, her life had become a broken, sheltered mess. Monitored by family who could never understand her, not after what happened. Each night she'd lain awake in the darkness, staring up at whatever ceiling was above her. Begging the world to return what she had lost, to give her back the only person who understood her better than she understood herself.

Then it happened, as if every wish she'd ever made was being answered. She should have been grateful, she should have been happy. Instead a fire raged inside, stopping her from thinking clearly or breathing evenly. How could she live now? How could her life return to normal when the truth she'd finally accepted was no longer reality? After three and a half years and feeling nothing, she'd finally found a life and found a way to feel alive. She thought, in that moment with Naomi, that it put that burst of life back into her and had awakened her soul. She now knew that really it had taken away that new lease for life, leaving her drowning once more.

The dark, cloudless sky only made her feel worse; torturing her battered body further, until she climbed to her feet and stepped back onto the dirt path. She couldn't lie there forever; she couldn't admit defeat, not after so many years of sorrow. The pitch black park left everything to the imagination, as Emily's feet shuffled along the path quickly. Her heart thumped so loud in her ear that she couldn't be sure if the rustling of the trees was caused by the wind, or something more sinister. Every bush, every additional footpath that disappeared away from the main route made her more and more nervous. Her experience of the dark did nothing to ease her worries. When she entered the park the sun had still been in the sky, shining down on the late afternoon. When Naomi arrived she'd forgotten to worry about how dark it had become.

Then life had changed, again.

Naomi had left, as she always did.

Every last thought that had entered her head before the kiss, before the sex, scattered amongst the wind and the droplets arriving in the air. A chill wrapped around her until her she pulled her useless jacket tightly against her stomach. Her mind and body void of thought, feeling and most importantly, desire. She was empty; somewhat like she had been the day her mother informed her that Naomi had died.

The dark city streets intimidated her more than the park, with a group of students gathered around the entrance, shouting lewdly at anyone who passed, including Emily herself. She closed her eyes in dismay and continued walking across the main road towards her street.

The last forty eight hours had been a runaway train speeding down a never-ending track. Somewhere around the time Naomi whispered her name, the train ground to a halt. Everything had stopped except for her feet as they rushed along the pavement. The constant questions running through her mind disappeared, only to be replaced with an eerie silence that filled Emily with dread. Slowing down so suddenly didn't put her at ease; it only made the issues worse. Anger bubbled in the pit of her stomach, boiling up like a pan of water, filling her with hot air. She wanted to scream. Not only did the time with Naomi awaken the dormant parts of herself, but also the anger raging inside.

How fucking dare Naomi allow her to kiss her and _fuck_ her?

She had no right doing anything. She was meant to be dead. How could she stand there in front of her with a battered apology? Nothing could make up for the last four years of her life, wasted, broken and pointless. She could have gone to university when her friends did, or travelled the world. Instead she spent three months on suicide watch and saw probably a dozen counsellors whilst Naomi carried on with her life barely an hour away.

_Fucking coward._

How could she expect to keep it all secret still? How could she think leaving her in the dead of night would help? If anything it only infuriated her more. She could barely control the fire raging in the centre of her heart, the heart she'd carefully constructed after having it torn apart by Naomi's 'death'. Now it was all for nothing. How could she _look_ at her after all that? To say she didn't regret sleeping with Naomi would be like claiming the war in Iraq wasn't because of oil.

Emily walked back to her flat with her fingers clenched around the sides of her skirt. Her teeth pressed together hard, grinding until it drove her insane. Everything was falling apart, _again_. That feeling of losing control so strong that she didn't know how to be. Her first lecture was only days away and she couldn't even see how the next hour of her life would pan out. The dark pavements bathed in shadow. What time was it? She didn't even know what time she'd left Katie. If she'd left or not, Emily didn't think she had the energy to care.

When she got home the light was on in the lounge, the curtains closed hiding her prison from view. It wasn't a prison though; no room she'd ever been in willingly or forced into by doctors had ever really been a prison. What locked her away was herself, her broken, confused, lonely self. Now she belonged inside. Years of fighting the people around her for her freedom had been wasted. They all wanted what was best and she'd let them take her control. Now she was willing to do it again. Why not? She couldn't be trusted in the world, she couldn't protect herself from pain.

'Where the fuck have you been?' Katie demanded, jumping up from the sofa with swollen eyes and a croaky voice.

'I'm going crazy,' she mumbled, breaking through the flimsy fabric of her skirt with a fingernail.

'No, you're not, where is this coming from? Where have you been?'

'I want to go back to Hillview,' Emily informed her, tearing at the small hole she'd just created, hoping that focusing on the damage of her skirt would stop the tears already forming behind her eyelids.

'You hated Hillview,' Katie reasoned with a confused frown. 'You always said it made you feel well loopy.'

'But I am,' Emily nodded. 'This isn't normal, I'm sick, normal people don't sleep with their fucking dead girlfriend.'

'What?' Katie gasped, her eyes and mouth equally wide.

The words sounded just as insane to Emily, voicing them out loud, as she imagined they did to Katie. The whole night made her feel certifiably insane, her emotions fraught and fractured. She couldn't process anything. That high speed train hadn't just stopped; it had crashed in her mind, leaving her with the after effects of too much to deal with.

'I fucked her,' Emily laughed, tears streaming down her face as the absurdity of the situation really sunk in. 'I fucked Naomi in the middle of some park like it was fucking _normal_. But it's not, _normal people_ don't do that. Normal people hit her or punch her or slap her like you did.'

'Why would you sleep with her?' Katie interrupted, trying to remain calm, for Emily. But she wasn't calm, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to calm down again.

Naomi was alive.

Fucking _alive_.

It wasn't some dream or nightmare, it wasn't something she thought could be true but wasn't.

Everything was real and that was what scared her the most. She'd spent hours trying to understand what was happening, trying to make sense of her being there, alive and in her life once more. How could she ever understand that? How could she ever feel anything but the anger exploding through her blood stream? She wanted to hit her so hard that she could feel the blood spill onto her fingers; she wanted someone to hit _her_ just as hard to wake her up from this nightmare.

'Why not?' she shrugged, her voice raised with anger. 'I can't seem to react to this like a normal fucking person, why shouldn't I fuck her? Why shouldn't I lie there in the grass and watch her walk away like she's done every fucking time it's ever really mattered?'

Katie moved towards her with her arms outstretched, not saying anything except for gentle whispers to quieten her down. But the physical contact set off fireworks in the pit of her stomach, going off in a line like at displays, not stopping until all she could see was Naomi's face.

'It's okay Emily,' Katie whispered, stroking her hair back from being matted up against her cheek.

But she wasn't Katie, she'd stopped being Katie.

The only other person in that room was Naomi, her hair long and dark blonde, her eyes sparkling blue but with a doleful expression. That fucking sorrowful look she had as though she felt sorry for her.

_Fucking cunt._

Emily lashed out, pushing here away with as much force as possible. She fell over backwards, stumbling over her own feet before she righted herself and walked back towards her.

'Get the fuck away from me,' she screamed, stretching her arm out fully until her knuckle smashed into Naomi's cheek, bone crunching against bone, skin displaced and a shooting pain running along her arm.

Then Naomi returned to Katie, blonde changed back to red and Emily crumbled to the floor choking on tears.

**I wouldn't mind a review if you have the time...**


	12. Fighting with Life

Title:Protection

Disclaimer:Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing:Naomi/Emily

Summary:Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note:Thanks to everyone for the reviews, especially to Tracy for making sure I update via Twitter, haha. Appreciate it. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy reading.

**Chapter Twelve**

The clock ticked loudly on the bedside table, the third hand travelling the circumference over and again. Naomi hated ticking clocks; she always refused to have one because they drove her insane. When she agreed to move in with Charlie she hadn't been able to get rid of the clock, not without trying. The damn thing wouldn't even break when she'd accidentally on purpose knocked it onto the wooden floor. When she'd asked Charlie about it she'd learnt that a ticking clock was something given to animals when they couldn't settle away from their mothers. As a baby the sound of a clock was the only thing that would help her to settle after her mother died. Who was Naomi to argue with over twenty years of habit, reminiscent of a lost parent? After then the clock reminded her of her own mother, her caring, wonderful single mother who did not deserve to believe her only child was dead.

Sometimes, however, the ticking was still the same dreaded curse. That morning she lay on her back with the ticking running through her mind like the constant droning of a drill or persistent annoyance of an alarm. Had her head not been pounding, or her insides been twisted up, ready to push the contents of her stomach into her throat, the second she moved, she would have thrown the fucking thing out of the window.

But she couldn't do that, she was a fucking monster. Who thought about throwing their girlfriend's clock out of the window? Most importantly, who thought about throwing the only item to really remind her girlfriend of her dead mother out the window?

Charlie was too good for her.

There were no two ways about it. Naomi had the girlfriend rating of a squashed slug on the bottom of someone's shoe. In the years they'd known each other, which were a fair few; she'd lied about her name, her home life, her mother and her past relationships. None of that seemed to pale in comparison to the last few days. First and foremost, she'd had sex with the only person she had ever really seen herself being married to, before and since meeting Charlie.

She'd slept with other people in the past. There was the short brunette at Charlie's best friend's birthday that had the same stance and tiny-person-strength she remembered Emily to have. There was also the girl a few inches taller than her that had bright red hair and piercing brown eyes. She'd spotted the pattern after the third and final girl she'd slept with whilst in a relationship with Charlie. They'd met on a training course in London. Two nights and three days with Ellen and two dozen other people. After the first night of flirting, Naomi had called Charlie begging to sleep with her. It wasn't a normal situation. They'd only ever agreed when both parties had met the potential conquest and they always went home together afterwards. She'd spent half the night telling Charlie what she wanted to do to Ellen whilst they touched themselves. Then the next night they spent most of their free time in bed with her. Retelling the event, once she had returned to Charlie's arms, had been the best night they'd ever had.

Until Emily came back.

How could she tell her girlfriend that she'd had sex with someone else without her permission? That was rule one. She also couldn't tell her that the person she had sex with had been her only love. That had been their second and only other concrete rule.

'Morning sleepy head,' Charlie smiled, her weakest of smiles, as she carried a small tray into the room.

'Not hungry,' Naomi informed her, rolling away from the caring act of her lovely partner. Guilt sat down in the pit of her stomach with the feeling of sickness.

'Good job I'm not bringing you anything nice. You don't really deserve it after whatever bender you took yourself on.'

After a usual night out with friends they'd have a similar conversation and Naomi would laugh at Charlie's faux punishment. She didn't feel much like laughing now.

'I'm fine,' she muttered, speaking into her pillow and wishing the throbbing in her head would disappear without the usual medication.

'I'll leave your water and paracetamol on the bedside table then,' Charlie whispered, resting them down and kissing the side of her head. 'I called the SU, said you won't be in 'til lunchtime. Try to sleep it off; I have to go meet Sara now.'

The bedroom door closed quietly and Naomi rolled over, the water and painkillers were the perfect concoction needed to help her drift back to sleep. As she lay in the bed she'd betrayed, allowing the medicine given to her by the person she would one day hurt, tears rolled down her cheeks. Nothing would fix the mess she'd created.

xxx

'You're a guy,' Naomi began, sitting down at a table in the back of a quiet bar.

After a busy afternoon at work and a message from Charlie informing her she'd be out all evening, Naomi decided to spend some time with a friend. The summer had been so busy that she'd barely had chance to see anyone she usually did, so calling Robbie was the first thing she did after listening to Charlie's message.

'Now we know how you got your First, genius,' Robbie grinned, resting his pint on the table between them.

'Fuck off,' she groaned, rolling her eyes. Sometimes she regretted only having males as friends, they were usually hopeless at advice and sometimes, she just wanted to sit on a sofa eating ice cream and complaining about current partners' ailments.

'Yes I'm a guy, why do I sense you're about to get all deep and meaningful?' he asked, a definite groan escaping his lips.

Naomi ignored his obvious disapproval of where the conversation was going and decided to jump in to the part of the story which he would relate most.

'I slept with my ex.'

'The rising star of politics has cheated on her girlfriend?' he checked, his eyebrows raised and his lips curled into a knowing smile. 'Not the first time?'

'Yes, I've never cheated on Charlie before,' she snapped.

The fixed grin spread across his face only fuelled her irascibility until her fingers dug into the material of her skirt. A lump forming in her throat felt hard and difficult to shift. The previous hours were all catching up with her; the realisation, the guilt, it ate away at the layer of skin she'd grown the day she left Bristol.

'I didn't mean with Charlie.'

'Then no,' she whispered, defensively. Regardless of the current situation, she couldn't allow her past to catch up with her. 'But this isn't like that. I didn't fuck some random like last time. I love her, I'll always love her.'

'Charlie?'

'No,' she shook her head. 'Emily.'

'Who the fuck is Emily?' he asked, finishing off his pint and starting on a new one.

'My ex you twat,' she snarled, her emotions all over the place. 'The girl I slept with.'

'Was it hot?' he asked, raising both eyebrows with excitement. 'You seem the type. Since you'll never tell me what it's like with Charlie, I wanna know what it's like with this Emily bird.'

'God, you're worse than Cook sometimes,' she groaned.

'Cook?'

'Never mind.'

In the time she'd spent at the university, she'd mentioned Cook's name exactly twice. The first time was when she met Robbie in a bar. He tried to sell her coke and she'd adamantly refused, then he'd tried to chat her up. She'd gone home and cried herself to sleep, then they'd become friends. Deep down she knew that was only because he reminded her so much of her old friend. She'd talked about Cook once with Charlie, a conversation that ended in an argument when she'd rejected the option to talk anymore about her past.

'You talk some shit sometimes Brown, are you wanting to know something particular? You know I only stay sober 'til six.'

'No,' she whispered, wishing she could block out everything rushing through her brain. 'But I want some.'

'Sex?'

'No, anything that will stop me thinking about this.'

'Ah, you want something of the fine variety,' he smirked, opening up his bag. 'I got powder, I got pills and a whole packet of rolls. Take your pick.'

'Back to yours?' she asked, looking around the bar cautiously.

'No need babe,' he grinned, pulling out a Pringles tub and pulling off the lid. 'Red is the good stuff. Bit of powder?'

'Jesus, you're like a walking drug factory. How many tubs have you got?'

Back in Bristol none of it mattered; the drugs, the nights out, she could relax and enjoy the company of strangers knowing her friends weren't too far away. It wasn't the same in Manchester. She'd spent the first few months adamant that people were going to find out more than she wanted them to. Every fear she had resulted from that night, the night she died, the night she was reborn, the night she broke many hearts, including her own. She couldn't relax; she'd never been able to truly relax, not there.

'Don't matter, have some powder, on me.'

She nodded her head and accepted the small bag from the red Pringles tub. It all felt rather seedy and wrong, the bar itself was the worst one on campus, known by students as the place to score. Her heart stammered in her chest, beating twice as fast, yet skipping frequently.

'You'll keep this quiet, yeah?'

'We're at uni Naomi;' Robbie shrugged and pulled his most serious of faces. 'This is the life of the young.'

'Not for me. Okay? Not since,' she stopped, the lump in her throat growing once more as she took a deep breath to steady herself. 'Look, I can't. The last president was caught spending union money on a drug habit. They don't care if it's a spliff or a k of heroine. Anyone finds out and I lose my job.'

'That's not why you want me to keep schtum,' he noted. 'But alright babe, just for you.'


	13. Rage Against Naomi

Title:Protection

Disclaimer:Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing:Naomi/Emily

Summary:Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note:Thank you for the reviews and story alerts, it's always lovely to know people are wanting to read more, even if they don't review. When I first sat down to it this chapter was frustrating, but then I decided to skip what wasn't really needed and go with it. Hope you enjoy! Please review, I do accept reviews from people who aren't signed up to FFnet, so not being a member isn't an excuse, lol. ;P

**Chapter Thirteen**

On a bad week the days passed by like seconds, disappearing without notice or care. Emily had reached a point in life, in the grieving process, where days and weeks had returned to normal. Minutes were minutes, seconds were seconds and every day felt as long as the next. She could hardly believe it when Katie woke her one morning, ushering her into a shower so that she would be ready for her first lecture.

'It's not for another four days,' she groaned, pulling her pillow over her head and closing her eyes.

'No Emily,' she argued. 'You've been _in bed_ for four days. It's time to get up and shower, you smell well bad.'

'Thanks,' Emily complained, sarcastically.

When Katie told her she smelled she knew it was time to wash. They had an unspoken rule from being children that they would be honest with each other, even if that meant telling the other they looked like shit. Emily swallowed hard, the feeling of deadweight in the pit of her stomach when she spotted the bruising under Katie's right eye. She could barely remember doing it but knew full well she was to blame. All the apologies in the world would never be enough. That wasn't why she hadn't said she was sorry though, she'd simply been too devastated right after. The tears caused her cheeks to become chapped and her throat still hurt from the aching.

'Your first lecture is in an hour,' Katie informed her, before turning to leave.

Emily reached out her hand and gripped her sister's wrist. The action appeared to shock Katie, her eyes grew with fear and at that moment Emily knew the damage she'd done to their relationship.

'Why did you stay?' she asked, weaker than she'd intended.

'I couldn't leave you,' Katie choked, wiping tears quickly from her cheeks. 'I would have gone, I just, was worried.'

'That wasn't an attack,' Emily frowned. The last thing she wanted Katie to think was that she wished she'd gone.

'I thought-' Katie whispered, avoiding eye contact.

'Thank you,' Emily assured her, still unable to find the words to repair what she'd broken.

'Get ready, yeah?' Katie said as she pulled her wrist out of Emily's grip.

xxx

After the lecture Emily found herself sat in the Student Union bar with some of the people on her course. She tuned in and out of the conversation, her mind and eyes

wandering towards the door. Naomi was probably in some office a few hundred yards away. The very thought of Naomi being so close, going about her everyday life as though nothing had happened, really bothered her. She didn't realise she'd been gripping her glass so hard until her wrist began to hurt and her fingers felt paralysed from the pressure.

'All right?' one of the guys asked.

'Fine,' she muttered, feigning a small smile to appease his worries.

What was his name? She couldn't even remember, she couldn't remember any of their names, except Jill's. She was stunning. Her long, brown tight ringlets emphasised her soft features which Emily couldn't stop staring at in their lecture. Now she was too preoccupied to even glance over. What was wrong with her? She used to love eyeing up girls, watching from afar, playing over potential moments in her mind which she knew would never happen. In class she'd imagined being stopped when everyone left the room by a hand on her arm, turning to find Jill's stark green eyes staring back at her with wanting. Her breath would catch in her throat and then the space between them would disappear and her mouth would be captured by those perfectly formed lips.

She looked up at her again, tried to revisit her imagination. The fantasy came back, the eyes, the lips, the kiss. But instead of green they were blue and instead of perfect they were chewed on by a tooth, which she always found ultimately more sensual. Finally, the hair, the face, it wasn't Jill, it was Naomi.

'I need to go,' she muttered, standing up and whispering some fake excuse about Katie. She didn't even process what she was saying as she left the bar, left the chance of finding friends.

Somehow none of it mattered, even more so when her eyes found the dark blonde haired woman she'd been thinking about moments before. At first she hadn't spotted her but then those blue eyes stared in her direction, looking for longer than normal before she turned around and ran from the room.

'No,' Emily shouted after her, her chest rising and falling with anger and shortness of breath.

She couldn't let her run from her life again, she wouldn't do it. How could Naomi run away now when she owed her answers? She owed her a lot more than answers. The questions coursing through her mind had already driven her to insanity as she lay in her bed going over the potential answers. None of which fit, nothing she could come up with would ever justify what Naomi did.

'Don't you fucking walk away from me,' Emily shouted as she pushed on a fire escape door that had just swung shut. 'You can't fucking walk away again.'

On the other side of the door Naomi stood with a cigarette in her hand, attempting to light up. A cool breeze made the task harder. Coming face to face with her once more made Emily's breath catch in her throat. She closed her eyes. Thinking about Naomi was one thing, seeing her at a distance was another, but standing there a couple of yards away was a different thing entirely.

'Please leave me alone,' Naomi begged, her voice breaking up.

'Fuck off,' Emily snapped, no sympathy at all. How could she be sympathetic when Naomi was the reason she was so broken? 'You have no fucking right to call the shots after what you've done.'

'What _have_ I done?' Naomi asked, her eyes downturned. 'I faked my own death, that's all.'

'That's all?' each breath came out of Emily's nose and mouth faster and quicker than before, her chest heaving with each rapid, noisy breath. How could she be so blasé? How could she act like what she'd done didn't matter?

Naomi successfully lit up her cigarette and puffed out smoke which twisted through the air. An act so normal, so every day, that Emily couldn't stand to watch. She stepped forwards, her palms resting on Naomi's shoulders as she pushed her hard. She watched as Naomi stumbled onto the ground, her rage taking control of her whole body as she knelt down over Naomi, her hands hitting her harder again on her shoulders, her fingers clawing at the skin on her neck.

'You fucking left me,' she cried, her voice growing more strained as her cheeks streamed with tears. 'You left me and all I wanted to do was die because of you. You fucking liar, how could you lie about that? How could you leave me and fuck off somewhere else and let me think you'd fucking died? I hate you; I hate you so fucking much.'

Her balled fists collided with skin and her nails clawed at Naomi's cheeks. Each action pushed her further out of control until she couldn't even see her face through the tears streaming down her face.

'You broke my fucking heart and you're acting like it's okay, well it's not okay, it's not been okay for four fucking years because of you. I wish you'd just fucking died.'

'Oi,' somebody shouted from behind her. 'Get off her.'

The protest entered her ears in a cloud, as though the words had been wrapped in cotton wool before they reached her. She continued to smack Naomi hard across the face as a pair of hands reached under her arms and lifted her off. She continued to lash out, kicking and flailing in anger until the person had her constrained.

'Get the fuck off me you fucking twat,' she cried, staring at Naomi with a fierce expression

xxx

As she sat in the office, watching Naomi hold an ice pack to her cheek some of Emily's pain and anger lifted. It was _Naomi_. Despite everything, she was there, sat in front of her, in the flesh. She was still angry that she'd left and hurt that she'd gone through years of pain for nothing. She still needed answers; she still needed the last four years of Naomi's betrayal explaining. But it was Naomi, sat in front of her, doing the one thing she always hoped would happen, being _alive_.

'I don't feel comfortable leaving you with her,' the man informed Naomi after she'd asked him to leave.

'I'll be fine Steve,' Naomi assured him with one of her warm smiles.

He left the room under protest, leaving them alone. Emily wondered just as much as Steve why she allowed him to go, but then the last half hour became clearer. Naomi hadn't fought back. If she thought she didn't deserve to be beaten up by a deranged ex-girlfriend, she would have fought back. In college she'd had a fight with Katie and she'd given as good as she got, when they'd argued whilst together it was always a two way slanging match. But not then, then Naomi had just lay there and taken every scratch, every hit she'd thrown at her.

'Well?' Emily asked, staring at her. 'Are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on or do I have to get Katie down here to smack it out of you?'

**Please review.**


	14. The Truth Will Out

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you for the reviews...especially to **vaskon**, **Justine **(Lightbulb), **CrashKill**, **Red**, **FireBluez1115 **and **shewritesforher **for reviewing lots! Also to **bebrave **and **Pop**, thanks for joining the reviewing. Much appreciated, love to you all! No love to _Jamie_, you know who you are...where's my review? ;P (I'm joking, we're good friends, except when I kill Naomi :O )

I'm glad you're still with me, I hope this next chapter will answer some of your questions.

**Warning**: This chapter contains some not very nice content.

**Chapter Fourteen**

D-day had arrived, a day which Naomi had both expected and dreaded. When she left all those years ago she'd hoped that one day she and Emily could be reunited and everything would return to the way it used to be. The more time that passed, the more she doubted it would ever happen. Nowhere in her dreams of seeing Emily again did she envisage having to explain what happened the night she died.

'I can't, I can't think about that night,' she choked. 'Please don't make me do it Emily. Please.'

'I need to know,' Emily said, her voice considerably calmer than it had been. Naomi rested the ice pack against her cheek and hoped the injuries would be easy to hide. The student body couldn't see her like that and neither could Charlie.

'No,' she tried, pleading with her voice.

'Maybe,' Emily noted, 'you need to tell someone.'

'I, I can't.'

The thought of that night, of what happened, was too painful. She couldn't even think about it, let alone talk about it. Yet there was Emily, with her beautiful brown eyes, staring at her with expectations. She'd broken her, she'd ruined her and now she owed her anything she wanted.

'Is it to do with Cook's death?'

'Christ,' Naomi sighed, the mere mention of his name bringing tears to her eyes. They stung as they strolled down her cheeks, finding a home in the small cuts upon her skin. 'I can't, I can't do it.'

'Please Naomi;' Emily begged. 'I need to know why you could leave me so easily after saying you'd die for me'

'I _did_ die for you.'

She'd said too much. Emily stared at her confused and curious as to what she meant, her eyes narrowing towards her, begging her silently for answers. She deserved them, she needed them; there was no escaping her past. She'd known that the day Emily returned to her life in college. She knew then that she wouldn't be able to avoid her sexuality, despite the fact it scared her. It wasn't the same now. No matter how scared she was to face her past, it wasn't as simple as coming to terms with who she was.

'What?'

'I did it for you,' she whispered, as though that was enough of an explanation.

'You did it for me?' Emily questioned harshly, her eyes narrowed in pain and anger. 'How the fuck is me ending up in hospital because I can't handle you dying doing it for _me_?'

'Jesus, Emily,' she shook her head, resting the ice pack in her lap. 'I didn't, I had no idea, if I, I didn't _want_ that.'

'What did you expect to happen, Naomi? I loved you, I will always love you.'

'I'll always love you too.'

'Then tell me why you did it.'

'It's _too_ _hard_.'

She didn't know what was harder, the prospect of telling Emily the truth or watching her painful expression. After Sophia, she'd made herself a promise to never hurt Emily again; she'd aimed to never be the reason for that look on Emily's face.

'Fucking cop out,' Emily snarled, standing close to her. 'I spent the last four years wondering what happened, wondering why you would kill yourself when you'd just promised to be there for me. Don't I deserve the truth?'

'I _saw_ it happen,' Naomi shouted, the words escaping her lips without her say so. She didn't regret saying them. What she did regret was the can of worms opening thanks to a few short words.

'Saw what?' Emily asked, taken aback by Naomi's aggressive response.

'I, I saw,' Naomi stuttered. 'I saw John Foster _beat_ Cook to death with a bat.'

The silence exploded between them as Emily slumped into the chair. The only sound was of Naomi's quiet sobs which became bigger and more painful. She'd never spoken those words out loud.

'Oh,' Emily finally responded.

Naomi stood up, not caring as the ice pack fell to the floor. She analysed her face in the dark screen of her computer, not that she could see much. Then she picked up her jacket and bag.

'We can't talk about this here,' she sighed. 'Let's go for a walk.'

xxx

The park looked very different in the day, under the warmth of the gentle sun. The pond was alive with ducks and geese eating bread thrown to them by a little boy and the woman he was with. Naomi sometimes wondered if her mother would ever have children with Kieran, if maybe she had a little brother or sister toddling around in Bristol, the replacement for the loss of her life.

'He saw me,' Naomi whispered, breaking the silence that had formed on the walk towards the park.

'This is,' Emily spoke softly, shaking her head. 'Cook's dead? John Foster killed him?'

'Yes,' Naomi frowned. 'Didn't you know that?'

'No,' Emily sighed. 'They, he disappeared, like Freddie. They found Freddie's t-shirt and shoes covered in blood, they thought Cook killed him then went on the run.'

'_No_,' Naomi cried. 'No, Foster _killed_ him. Foster _killed_ Freddie and Cook found out. He managed to hit Foster and get away. That's when he called me, that's why I wasn't there when you woke up at Freddie's.'

'This is too much;' Emily choked. 'I thought you'd left me.'

'No, I would _never_ do that Emily,' Naomi assured her, reiterating the promises she made the night she left. 'I, I wouldn't have done that. I went to find Cook and after he told me what happened I went to get some Vodka, there was nothing left at my place and Cook was a mess. That's when it happened, I walked back and there was Foster standing over Cook smashing his head in with a bat.'

Emily stopped on the path, her hand reaching up to Naomi's shoulder. Naomi reached a second hand around her waist and held her.

'Are you okay?'

'I feel sick,' she whispered.

Naomi guided them towards a bench where they sat watching the little boy with his bread. She really needed to speak to her mother, after everything, she needed to tell her the truth. Before, she didn't think she'd be able to tell anyone, now she knew she had to do it not once but twice.

'Foster chased me out of the house, I don't know how I got away but I ran faster than I have ever run in my life. I could hear him shouting after me, he was going to kill me Emily. He was going to kill me too. What choice did I have?'

'I don't, I don't know,' Emily muttered. 'Going to the police?'

'I couldn't,' she cried, wiping tears from her chin. 'You don't understand Em; he threatened to kill you if I did. He was shouting all these things about Cook and Freddie and how he'd kill us all if any of us found out or went to the police. I couldn't put you at risk, I couldn't do it.'

Tears streamed freely down her cheeks like out of control rivers flooding the countryside. She rested her elbows on her knees and pawed at her cheeks. Her whole body shook from head to toe, her teeth chattered as a chill hit her. She didn't think it was that cold outside, but her sobs made her feel a lot colder.

'So you pretended to kill yourself?' Emily asked.

'I did what I needed to,' she muttered, teary. 'Foster must have stopped chasing me because he eventually stopped shouting and then he wasn't there. So I kept running until I was on a bridge, I stood on the edge for a while thinking. If it wasn't for you I would have jumped, if I didn't love you or mum so much I would have done it. He was my best friend Emily, he was the only person who fucking understood why I was how I was and I watched him die.'

Emily's hand landed on her shoulder, brushing against her back in a comforting action. Naomi crumbled into her arms, pushing her wet face against the crook of Emily's neck. That familiar scent of Emily's skin comforted her as she sobbed and shook.

'I watched him die, I couldn't watch you die too, I couldn't let him hurt you.'

'Why didn't you tell me?' Emily cried, wrapping her arms tightly around Naomi's body and kissing the side of her head. 'Why didn't you just tell me?'

'I wish I did. I regretted it every single day since I did it. But you can't just go back on something like that.'

The warmth of Emily's body disappeared as she pulled away, resting her hands on either side of Naomi's face. Naomi's tears continued to fall as Emily's followed. The feel of Emily's hands on her face took her back to the week before when Emily had touched her for the first time in years. The contact hurt yet felt like the most natural thing to ever happen.

'I'm so sorry, you will never understand how fucking sorry I am,' Naomi cried, her face breaking with the continual flow of tears, resting her cheek into one of Emily's hands, her own hand reaching up to hold it steady.

'Me too,' Emily sobbed back, leaning in to kiss the tears from her cheek, then her lips until their mouths joined in a passionate embrace.

'No,' Naomi snapped, pushing Emily's hands and face away, still crying uncontrollably. 'I can't, I can't.'

She didn't know why she kept doing it, but she fled. Her feet marched her towards the exit of the park and she ran down the road as far away from Emily and the pain of her past as possible.

**Please review...do I have to beg? ;P If there's any questions you think are still unanswered then please let me know so I can see what I can do in the coming chapters.**


	15. Protection

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thanks for the reviews you lovely people! Thanks for just reading, it means a lot. I hope you like this next chapter, we're in for a bumpy ride from here...then again, I think it's been a bumpy ride up until here, haha. Enjoy and don't forget to let me know your thoughts!

**Chapter Fifteen**

How do you tell someone that the last four years of their life was made up of things they thought were true but actually weren't? The more Emily considered everything Naomi told her, the harder she found the prospect of passing the information on. If she couldn't tell Katie that Cook had been murdered, how could Naomi have told her everything before?

Suddenly it all made sense.

Despite gaining clarity on her past, Emily still struggled to make sense of it and spent the night tossing and turned as she thought of all the truths that were no longer real. She thought about Gina propped up at the memorial by Kieran, her face blotchy with tears and probably lack of sleep. At the time, Emily imagined she looked similar. She hadn't seen Gina since that day, hadn't been able to hold her and tell her that she would always be in her life. Then, it had been too difficult to make that promise and within the month they'd moved away.

She sat through a lecture barely listening to the way poetry was formed and the close connection it had to music. Instead she thought about Naomi and her life away from Bristol. What had she done for the last few years? She'd obviously gained a degree, but was it in politics? Or had she strayed away from that too? Did she have a partner? Had she fallen in love again? All the questions that filled Emily's thoughts left her feeling worse than before she'd asked them. She didn't want Naomi to have moved on, but she didn't want her to have spent the years alone either.

The lecture came to an end and she was invited to the pub, an offer she took up without really considering the consequences. She didn't listen to a word passed between her new friends and after a couple of barely answered questions they moved on, without her.

'There you are,' Katie shouted to her from across the street as she exited the bar. 'Where have you been? I thought we were going to have lunch.'

'Oh, I forgot,' Emily muttered, falling into step beside her sister as they wandered towards a small café.

Short of ordering their meals, Emily sat in near silence as Katie chatted to her about looking for a job and moving there indefinitely. It wasn't until Katie snapped at her about the slow cook that she finally allowed herself to be present in the conversation.

'Cook was murdered,' she whispered, fitting it in between Katie swearing and noticing how lovely the apple pie looked.

'What?' she asked, retracting as Emily's eyes filled with tears.

'That's why Naomi faked her death because Foster killed Cook and she saw it happen.'

'How? When?'

'When do you think?' Emily rolled her eyes and let out a long deep breath before standing up and leaving the table.

'You can't say that then fucking leave.'

She could do anything she wanted to. Emily shrugged her shoulders and pushed on the door until the air outside filled up her empty lungs, when had she stopped breathing in? Her feet carried her down the street, away from café with as much speed as her short legs could carry her. When she unlocked the front door she heard Katie shouting after her as she followed her into the flat.

'Don't fucking walk away from me Emily,' Katie shouted. 'They brought our food; I had to pay twenty pounds for nothing. You fucking owe me a tenner.'

'Have it,' Emily screamed, throwing all of the change from her pocket at her sister. 'Is that all you care about? Money?'

Katie stood with her arms by her sides, 'No, of course not.'

'He's fucking dead Katie,' Emily cried, wiping her face and shaking her head. 'He didn't kill Freddie, John Foster killed them both. He beat them to death with a fucking bat.'

'Why didn't she go to the police?' Katie questioned, her own eyes filling with tears.

'He was going to _kill_ her; he was going to kill all of us.'

'She still should have gone to the police,' Katie snapped. 'If she'd just gone to them they would have sorted it out, none of this would have happened. They needed to know, they still need to know.'

Katie walked across the lounge towards the cordless phone, her fingers halfway through pressing buttons as Emily took the phone from her.

'No.'

'What the fuck are you doing? Give it back,' Katie snarled. 'We need to tell the police, we need to tell everyone. Effy still thinks Cook killed him, she needs to know the truth, yeah.'

'It's Naomi's decision.'

Emily held the phone tightly in her hand and stepped backwards, away from Katie. She couldn't let her do it; she couldn't take that decision away from Naomi. Too much had happened; she'd sacrificed too much to let Katie change everything with one phone call.

'Yeah cause she's well good at making decisions, isn't she?'

'That isn't fair Katie;' Emily sobbed. 'She did this for me, for all of us. We could be dead now if it wasn't for her.'

'You could be dead now _because_ of her. Excuse me if I'm not jumping for fucking joy.'

'You're still a bitch sometimes, you know that right?'

'Fuck off Emily, I don't need this. I'm doing you a fucking favour and you treat me like shit.'

'I'm trying to _protect_ Naomi,' she defended, her voice breaking under the strain of shouting and crying.

The way she felt about Naomi's 'death' seemed to change with every passing minute. Now that she knew the reason why she'd done it, she felt an overwhelming need to help Naomi, to show her that regardless of what happened she wanted her in her life again. The thought of losing her once more was too much to bear.

'Like the little muff-muncher needs protection?' Katie scoffed. 'Grow a pair Emily. She fucked off and left you to kill yourself. She doesn't care about you, she never did.'

Slap. Emily's hand flew up in the air and came down hard across Katie's face. All she'd ever done before Naomi died was defend her against her family, attempt to persuade them that actually Naomi was a decent human being. She knew that Katie had warmed to her, but that didn't mean she didn't still feel the same as she always had.

'See,' Katie said, holding her hand to her red cheek. 'This is what she does to you. You fight back but you don't fight first. You're not like that.'

'Who decides what I do and don't do Katie? Me, this is my life, I can do what the fuck I like.'

The space between them only grew as Katie stared at her like a stranger stares at a rapid dog, her eyes wide with sorrow.

'See, see what she's done to you?'

'You deserved it,' Emily spoke through gritted teeth.

'Did I deserve last week to?' Katie asked, verbally slapping her right back. 'Did I deserve the _black eye_ you gave me?'

'No,' Emily shook her head, frowning. She couldn't think straight, there was too much going on that she couldn't focus. 'No, of course not.'

'You still did it and you've not even apologised.'

Panic rose inside Emily's chest with every difficult breath, she could see Katie's support floating away, disappearing the longer they talked about this. She was scared, too scared to lose her sister when she needed her more than ever.

'I'm sorry,' she tried, the only hope she had left.

Katie sneered, 'You think saying sorry now when I ask you about it is going to fix this?'

'But I am,' Emily assured her, her foot tapping nervously on the floor.

'I. Don't. _Fucking._ Care.'

Her eyes focused on Emily's as she stared back at her. There she saw as much pain as Emily felt, until Katie closed her eyes and the pain was gone, replaced instead by a harsh expression she saved for the worst of arguments.

'Please, Katie,' Emily attempted, reaching out her hand and wrapping it around Katie's forearm.

'No,' Katie shouted, assertively. 'Let go of my arm. It's over. This whole thing is over. I can't stay here covering up Naomi's lies, letting you _attack_ me when all I've ever done is try to protect you.'

'What? What are you going to do?' Emily asked, the panic getting worse as she watched Katie pick up a couple of things from the lounge.

'I'm going home Emily. Not that Liverpool will ever be my home. We only moved there because of _you_, because of _Naomi_. Now it's all some big fucking joke. Why have you never been able to see that that bitch has ruined your life? If she'd never been at college you'd be married to JJ and having kids by now.'

'No, Katie,' she tried, following her through to the bedroom. 'You still have no idea do you? I'm not gay because of Naomi, if it wasn't for Naomi I'd have found someone else.'

'I don't believe that.'

'Then feel free to leave,' she screamed, allowing her emotions to get the better of her. 'I don't fucking want you here if that's the way you want to treat me.'

'Fine.'

Emily walked back into the lounge, throwing the phone quickly against the floor causing it to smash into pieces. She turned at the sound of Katie opening the front door. They shared a final glance and as the door closed behind her, Emily crumbled to the floor.

'No, Katie,' she sobbed, resting her head in her hands. 'I can't do this alone.'

**Soooo...love it? Hate it? Wonder why something you thought was going to happen hasn't? Drop me a line, just press the 'Leave a Comment' button, I do love to know what you think...even the constructive criticism, no, especially the constructive criticism!**


	16. Mellowed Out

Title:Protection

Disclaimer:Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing:Naomi/Emily

Summary:Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note:Thanks for the reviews, you know I appreciate them all! _Firebluez_, there's a reason for everything. Katie has put up with a lot from Emily. This is the second time she's physically attacked her, would you want to stay in a flat with someone who is like dynamite, one false move and boom? Katie needed to leave. I will explain more about that eventually.

**Chapter Sixteen**

With her head filled with negative emotions, Naomi perched carelessly on the edge of the sofa. Knowing all too well that one false move would force her onto the floor, spliff in hand. She didn't want to set fire to the flat, but she had slipped into one of those moods where the most important words on the tip of her tongue were '_fuck everything_'. If she burnt to death in her home she would be okay with that because nothing really mattered anymore. She'd lost track of the number of times where her decisions had pushed her back down to that place. How she would ever be okay with what she'd chosen to do was beyond her comprehension. Sometimes it felt like stars billions of light years away. Who could make sense of a giant ball of fire burning up long before it arrived in your field of vision? The world and her decisions were just too big. She breathed in, the weed slowly seeping into her system as familiar as Emily on that first night in the park. Her old friend filled her with warmth and a gentle reminder of her past, of the times she'd shared with friends. She thought of Freddie, her fellow weed enthusiast and the night they sold Panda's aunt's stash. She caught him rolling half of his bag into spliffs for his own personal consumption. He may have been a pot head, but he was a nice pot head. She missed that dazzling smile.

She also missed Cook in all his glory, the one man band of drugs, sex and ladies. They'd never gone out on the pull together, but she suspected it would be an enjoyable task, seeing who could pull first, who had the better gaydar and who could get the most numbers. She'd never know what that was like. She'd never again experience the sides of Cook that nobody else really saw, the parts he'd saved just for her. He was her best friend; there were no two ways about it. He loved her and she loved him back, as though they were brother and sister. Even if he did want to shag her.

How would her life ever be how it used to? In all the fuss over Emily turning up, she'd forgotten the most important thing. How could she be the Naomi she once was, the Naomi she'd always been deep down, when so much had happened? But when Emily was around, how could she _not be_? It was like nothing had even changed. The past had been erased and all she had left was Emily, the love she would always feel for her and the pain she felt thinking about the reasons why it would never be the same.

She lay on the sofa, staring up at the ceiling with such intent as time passed by. She'd never noticed how fascinating the plastered ceiling was. Swirls, all slightly different, had been forged into the plaster where they created a pattern. One swirl in particular right above her was so badly done that she couldn't avoid the fit of giggles that followed.

'What's funny?' Charlie asked, entering the room with a couple of bags from the supermarket, her nose twitching at the smell lingering in the air.

'The ceiling,' Naomi muttered, staring open mouthed at it and not saying another word.

'Okay,' Charlie frowned; knowing more than she wanted to accept as she put the items she'd bought away. 'I thought I'd make some bolognaise for tea, do you want it with spaghetti or penne?'

Naomi jumped up from the sofa, bouncing into the kitchen area of the open plan flat. All the talk of food, she realised she was hungry. She took a packet of Pringles out of the bags and began eating them.

'Do you mind?' Charlie scowled.

'Oh, sorry,' Naomi smiled, holding out the open tub.

Charlie rolled her eyes, took the tub and lid and placed them in the cupboard. 'I was hoping they would last the week.'

'I'm really hungry though, my stomach feels the emptiest it's ever been.'

'What's going on?' Charlie frowned, focusing her attention on Naomi.

'I'll tell you what's going on,' Naomi began, holding a finger up and speaking with a serious tone. Then she creased her eyebrows. 'What was I saying?'

'Have you taken something?' Charlie asked, staring her straight in the eye as her nose continued to pick up on the sweet scent surrounding Naomi.

'I don't take things without asking for them,' Naomi laughed, how she'd not seen how stupid that question was before was beyond her. Even if she had 'taken' something, it always belonged to her. Her laughter carried on until Charlie reached her hands up to Naomi's face.

'What are you doing?' Naomi asked, focusing on Charlie's own face as she pulled down Naomi's eyelids. 'Your eyes are so green, did you know that? I've never seen anything quite like it before. It's like a meadow, in your head.'

'Weed?' Charlie questioned, her tone harsh and cold.

'_Only_ the best,' she grinned, then returned her thoughts to Emily, the lies she was keeping from her girlfriend and the complete mess her life had become. She pouted. What could she do? Charlie had no idea, how could she hurt Charlie like that? Why had she never told her the truth? Then again, she had to protect her secret; she had to keep Emily safe.

'What the fuck are you playing at Naomi?'

'I'm letting my hair loose and being who I always am without you knowing, okay?'

'No, it's not bloody okay. You're not this kind of person. You don't do drugs. In the years I've known you, that's one thing I've never seen you do.'

Naomi frowned, glaring at her girlfriend with her most intense expression. She'd not done drugs in years, that much was true. But that didn't mean she wasn't the kind of person who would do them.

'Maybe you don't know me at all.'

'Do you even know what those drugs are doing to your system right now?' Charlie asked, folding her arms across her chest. Naomi's eyes travelled to the cleavage she'd suddenly made more apparent. 'I bet you can't guarantee that the weed you have is pure, it's probably full of God knows what chemicals that are killing your brain cells. I thought you were smarter than this Naomi.'

'You're on your fucking high horse, Charlie,' Naomi began with a frustrated growl as her eyes stayed on Charlie's breasts. They were amazing, so fucking amazing and she couldn't believe she'd never noticed them before. Then her expression changed to a soft chuckle. 'What a stupid phrase, high horse, is it up on the ceiling? I don't see any horses on the ceiling, just swirls.'

Charlie rolled her eyes. 'You're acting like a child, Naomi, for fuck's sake grow up and take some responsibility. And what has happened to your face?'

'I got attacked.'

She didn't like all of the questions and assumptions being made, she cursed under her breath and continued staring down her girlfriend's top. A tiny smirk on her lips.

'By who?'

'By, by,' Naomi couldn't say her name. High or sober, she couldn't talk about Emily in front of Charlie, not when she'd fucked her. All she could think about at that moment was fucking Emily. 'A student.'

'Christ Naomi, why didn't you tell me? If you'd called me I would have stopped you getting in this state first and foremost.'

'First and foremost,' Naomi repeated; her voice all prim and proper. 'Relax Charlie baby, you're so uptight, it was just a spliff. I have another if you want to smoke it with me. It's so _good_; it'll take that stick right out of your fucking arse.'

'I don't know who you are when you're like this,' Charlie shook her head and rested an arm against the counter. She let out a sigh, staring at Naomi as though they were strangers.

'Like what? I'm Naomi fucking Campbell.'

'Naomi Campbell? Now I know you're on drugs. Have you been watching that supermodel show again?'

Naomi moved her arms out in front of her in a panic, what was she doing? She couldn't let the truth come out now. She couldn't let the truth come out ever. Charlie would hate her and even though she loved Emily more, Charlie was still a lovely person who deserved more than her drugged up antics.

'No, no,' Naomi shook her head. 'I'm, I'm Naomi Brown.'

'I think you need to go to bed,' Charlie muttered, scrunching the bags up into a ball and placing them into a drawer.

'Good idea,' Naomi grinned, walking towards Charlie and cupping one of those amazing breasts. She leant in to kiss her, tongue first, receiving only a half-hearted, brief kiss in return.

'No Naomi,' Charlie argued.

'Want to fuck you,' she replied, chewing on her lip and breathing heavily. 'Christ, you're so fucking hot.'

'I said _no_,' Charlie snapped, removing Naomi's hands from her body and pushing her back. 'I'm not hungry any more, I'm going to bed.'

'I'll come,' Naomi grinned, following her across the lounge, giggling away at the word come.

'Don't,' Charlie snapped, turning around. 'I don't know who you are when you're like this. I don't want you near me.'

Charlie kept walking until she'd closed the bedroom door behind her. Naomi stared at the closed door not really sure what to do with herself. She sat back down on the sofa, thinking about Charlie's words.

'You don't know who I am,' Naomi shouted. 'I'm Naomi fucking Cam…Brown, but you don't know who I am.'

As silenced filled the flat, Naomi lay there in silence, her mind travelling from one thing to the next. She wanted to sleep. If only to take her mind off Emily and her lies, but she knew sleeping would lead to dreaming. She'd tried to deny what had happened for the last week, but she couldn't do it any longer. She couldn't let herself dream about that night again.

**Please review.**


	17. What about Gina?

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you for all of the reviews and for waiting for this chapter, what with 2 long weekends, Easter, something to do with a Royal Wedding and being ill it's been a busy couple of weeks.

**Chapter Seventeen**

'There's something wrong.'

Emily glanced up from her mug of coffee, the taste stuck in her throat, stale like the pungent scent of week old milk. Charlie stared at her, not in that 'look at me' kind of way; her eyebrows creased only a little and her head tilted in the way it did when she was worried. They'd only know each other a few weeks but that look in her eyes, the worry that lived behind them had been present in nearly every person who had supported her since Naomi's death. When Effy tried to kill herself in college everyone looked at her the same way, with sympathy, with pity. Emily shook the negativity out of her head. Charlie was the only person who seemed to care; she was the only person Emily had, since Katie left. She couldn't push her away.

'I, err,' Emily began, biting her lip which only made her think of Naomi. 'My ex, who I told you about, she made it seem like she killed herself because she watched one of our friends get murdered and the man who did it threatened her.'

'Oh my,' Charlie gasped, her hand moved to her mouth in genuine surprise.

'I don't know what to do; I don't know how I should feel about this. A couple of weeks ago I was trying to rebuild my life and now there's this great big elephant that I can't get rid of. She's there, everywhere, in everything I do, everything I think about.'

'What do the police think?'

'I don't know, I don't think she's told them.'

'Do her family know?'

'I, I, I don't think so,' Emily stuttered, the mention of Gina making her heart break. How could Naomi keep this from her? 'It's only her mum; I haven't seen her since the funeral.'

'Emily,' Charlie lowered her voice, her eyes shrinking with a serious expression. 'The police need to know. Her family need to know.'

'It's not that simple. She watched him die Charlie, he was her best friend and she watched as he was killed.'

'You can't just keep this to yourself.'

'I know but I can't tell the world, it's not my secret to tell.'

'No, but you know about this. If the police find out and they find something to charge her for then you could be in trouble for keeping it a secret. Which means I could be in trouble for keeping it quiet too. If you don't do something about this Emily I'll have to, it's part of my job as a mentor.'

'No, Charlie, okay, I understand what you're saying. I'll speak to her again. I'll try and get her to do the right thing, please let me fix this.'

xxx

After being there once before, the student union offices were easy enough to find. A coded door separated Emily with the room she assumed Naomi would be in. She stood in front of it, peering through the glass to catch a glimpse of Naomi.

'Can I help you?' Andrew asked.

'No,' Emily said, reluctant to move away from the door. He smiled at her and pushed the code into the lock, then stood there staring at her.

'You look nervous about something, is there someone you're here to see? If they're not available I can tell you.'

'No, well, Naomi C, Brown. But I can wait. She isn't expecting me.'

'Are you one of the students struggling with your loans?'

'Err, yes,' she lied. 'Yes I am.'

'She's been in meetings all morning. I can't guarantee she'll be available. I could take down some details and get her to call you.'

'No,' Emily spoke assertively, her voice turning whiney. 'I need to see her. She's not expecting me but she knows who I am and if she knows I'm here she'll speak to me.'

'Wait here, I'll see what I can do...?'

'Emily Fitch.'

'Emily, right.'

When Naomi came out of the offices her teeth were clamped together and her eyebrows narrowed. The second she saw Emily she let out a sigh and rolled her eyes in that Naomi sort of way.

'What are you doing here?' she said through gritted teeth. 'You can't keep turning up here Emily. I'm working.'

'I needed to see you. I have to talk to you and I don't have your number so this was my only option.'

'Christ Emily,' Naomi rolled her eyes again. 'I can't do this, okay? I can't keep dropping my life because you turn up wanting to talk.'

'Fuck off Naomi, drop your life? You pretend to commit suicide,'

'Shh, keep your fucking voice down.'

'You left me Naomi; you took four years of my life with you when you left. Is it too much to ask for another hour of your time?'

'Fine, one hour. But I can't do it right now. I'm about to have a meeting with my boss. Meet me at two at the café behind the library.'

Naomi didn't give Emily chance to reply, just closed the door behind her leaving Emily standing in the corridor. She watched through the glass as Naomi waved her hands in frustration to the man who had arrived earlier. She looked so beautiful when she was angry, that smouldering expression she put on and the frustrated growl. Emily couldn't hear it but she suspected the man could. What was not to love about her in a mood? She didn't want this to happen, after everything. She didn't want to be falling for Naomi again. But it was _Naomi_, the only person she'd ever allowed herself to love and be herself with. If she had the power to stop it, to continue moving on with her life, she didn't think she'd even be able to. Not when there was a tiny chance that one day she would get Naomi back

xxx

Even without Naomi in her life, Emily still thought about Gina on a regular basis. She would always be the more accepting parent of her first girlfriend. It broke her heart knowing she'd near enough abandoned her when Naomi had 'died'. Sometimes she considered contacting her. Would it be too little too late? Would the memory be too painful? Would she welcome her with a pot of tea and open arms? Sitting in the café, she knew exactly why Naomi had suggested it. Emily felt it too. She could sense Gina's presence in everything. The decor was provided by local artists, the cafe itself was run by a community group. It was the perfect example of communal living in the cafe world. They only sold a couple of kinds of coffee, yet dozens of flavours of tea and various homemade cakes. The whole room brought her a moment of peace and comfort in the weeks of distress.

'Hi,' Naomi whispered from behind her. Emily turned, her face lit up as she found herself reminded of a day back in college. They'd had an argument on the way back to Naomi's; she'd carried on going, not in the mood for another slanging match with her mother. Gina had welcomed her in, offered her tea and allowed her to wait for Naomi. When she did turn up, her voice was small, regretful and she had been happy to see her. She couldn't be sure if Naomi still looked the same way when she was happy, but the small smile daring to appear on her face settled Emily's nerves.

'I like this cafe, reminds me of your mum.'

'Yeah, it does.'

'I'm glad you came, I wondered if you were going to not turn up.'

'Of course I was going to turn up Emily, when have I ever given you reason to believe I wouldn't come when you ask to see me?'

'I,' Emily began before Naomi cut her off.

'Not including then,' she looked to the table, her eyes focused intently on a political reform leaflet from a few years back which lay under the glass surface.

'Shame.'

'What?' she lifted her eyes up to meet Emily's.

'It's a shame we didn't win.'

'Yeah, it is,' Naomi muttered, leaning back in her chair. 'You didn't ask me here to talk about a referendum that happened three years ago.'

'No, I didn't.'

Naomi sat patiently, staring at her as though she expected her to speak. Truthfully, Emily had forgotten everything she intended to say and was quite happy to just sit watching Naomi squirm.

'Christ,' Naomi rolled her eyes and moved to leave her seat.

'You should go to the police,' Emily replied, not wanting to open the can of worms but scared of letting her opportunity, to talk to Naomi, disappear. She retreated.

'I can't fucking do that, what is wrong with you?'

'Can't or won't?' Emily argued, her assertiveness astounding even herself. 'They need to know that you're alive, _Gina_ needs to know that you're alive.'

'_No_,' Naomi shouted, scraping her chair along the floor. She stared down at Emily with tears in her eyes, her whole face contorted with pain and suffering. Emily wanted to reach out to her, to hold her as she would have done before. The years hadn't changed the connection, they'd just damaged it. Then Naomi's voice grew low and more faltered. 'I can't.'

After she'd left her seat, Emily rushed off behind her. She couldn't leave her upset, she couldn't leave her alone. Every look Naomi had given her before departing the café had told her she wanted her to follow. Whether she understood what Naomi was saying or not, she had to try, she had to be there for Naomi. Despite everything she'd put her through, she still wanted to do that.

'Naomi,' Emily whispered as she approached the Bargain Booze on the corner near her flat. Naomi closed her eyes and kept her head low as she pawed at her tear stained cheeks.

'Leave me alone Emily.'

'I can't do that Naomi,' she spoke softly, stepping closer until it hurt to be that close and not kiss her.

'Don't,' Naomi cried, pushing her away and walking off down the street.

Naomi walked with such vigour, her feet marching on as she crossed a side road, not watching for cars; no sense of the danger around her. Emily rushed after her, running to keep up with Naomi's speedy departure. All she'd wanted to do was make everything better, to ensure that Naomi didn't live in secret anymore. She needed her to tell the police, not least because Charlie was ready to do it for them, but also because Emily couldn't imagine living with that secret for the rest of her life. If something ever did happen between them again, how could her family ever know who her girlfriend was? How could she take her home when to everyone but Katie, Naomi was still dead.

'Stop, just fucking stop,' she screamed after her, begging her, needing her to fix this mess. 'You can't run away from this Naomi.'

'I can do what I like, it's my life,' Naomi shouted behind her.

'But what about Gina?'

The choice of words was perhaps the worst she could have chosen, but Emily had run out of options. How did you persuade someone to go to the police when there was nothing else to argue? Emily stopped running, her breath slowly catching up with her as Naomi stopped in the middle of the pavement. Her hand moved to a wall separating the pavement and the tiny front gardens of the student houses. Her knees pulled out from under her as she crouched by the wall.

'I'm sorry,' Naomi cried, her entire body shook with uncontrollable sobs. 'I didn't, I couldn't, if I could go back and change it.'

'You wouldn't,' Emily interrupted, resting a hand gently on Naomi's back. 'You wouldn't change a thing because you were protecting me and your mum.'

'Is she okay?' Naomi asked, her eyes flowing with tears as she glanced up at Emily. 'Is she managing?'

'I, I don't,' Emily began, creasing her eyebrows. 'I don't know. The last time I saw her was the memorial, she was a mess, as anyone could expect.'

'I ruined everything,' Naomi muttered, turning around and perching on the wall. 'I ruined your life and I probably ruined mum's too.'

'You didn't ruin my life,' Emily whispered, sitting beside her. Did she believe that? She couldn't be sure. At first she blamed her for everything. How could she not do when Naomi had lied to her? She'd been hurt, upset and disappointed at what Naomi had done. Yet the more she thought about what had happened and the more time she spent with Naomi, it was obvious that she regretted it. She'd given up her life, given up her freedom to protect everyone she loved. She'd been through a terrifying ordeal with Cook and Foster. Emily couldn't blame her for being scared, too scared to do anything about it.

'I can't do this here,' Naomi realised, standing up quickly and without thought for Emily's hand that had slowly made its way onto her knee. She nodded her head, standing to meet Naomi with a smile on her face. Forced. The physical contact had always felt better than anything else, especially now.

'Let's go to mine,' Emily offered, slipping her hand into Naomi's as they walked side by side along the street. Naomi's cold, sweaty palm fell from Emily's fingers as she reclaimed it. Much to Emily's annoyance. There wasn't anything in it, at least not intentionally. She wanted to look after her, to comfort her with everything she could offer. A kiss was perhaps a little too far, so she'd settled for holding her hand.

Once Emily had pushed the door closed behind them, Naomi's lips met hers and her mouth reacted with every movement. Her hands came down against Emily's hips, pushing against her, forcing her back to the wooden door.

'We shouldn't be doing this, not when you're upset, I don't want to take advantage of you,'

Emily's said, her breathing slowed, caught up in a lump filled with tears of desire. She wanted to cry, to love her, to show her everything they'd missed out on.

'You're not. I'm not upset because of you;' Naomi cried, cupping her face and chewing on her bottom lip. 'I'm upset because of what I did, of what I can't fix. I need this, I need you.'

Naomi's wrist curled around Emily's back, pulling her closer as she pulled on the zip keeping her skirt on. Emily's thought disappeared, her mind clouded by passion as she wondered why Naomi hadn't just lifted her skirt up, until she was stood there naked, her body tangled around Naomi's own naked skin, thankful to have nothing between them. She swallowed, licked her dry lips and leant in to capture Naomi's mouth once more. Each touch, every kiss mattered more than any they'd ever shared. A new beginning. The only beginning in their new story. The bed felt softer, the mattress more comfortable as they made love amongst the sheets, winding themselves up together as though nothing else had ever really mattered.

**Did you get much chocolate over Easter (if you celebrate/get eggs)? Did you watch the Royal wedding? Please leave a comment :)**


	18. Shiteth Hath Hiteth the Faneth

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Good to hear there's been lots of Royal wedding and Easter whooharring (whatever that is, haha). Thanks for the reviews, lovely reviews, lovely people! Thanks guys 3 as always. I hope you enjoy this one...

**Chapter Eighteen**

The swirls on the ceiling never ceased to amaze Naomi. Each intricate detail perfectly formed by a skilled builder. Naomi crossed her legs over the arm of the chair and groaned when her head lolled backwards against thin air. Why wasn't there anything to support it? Someone didn't invent sofa chairs very well if you couldn't sit like that and get suitable support for your neck, she thought.

'Tit,' she snapped, before hushing herself with a finger to her mouth and giggles as she checked the hallway to the bedroom. Whatever she did, she couldn't wake Charlie. How could she explain her need to smoke weed at three in the morning, every morning for the last week. What would she say if she did catch her?

'Sorry babe, had sex with my ex,' she laughed. 'That rhymes. So my ex, you know the one you're mentoring.'

She wrapped a hand across her mouth, regretting saying it out loud as though practicing her speech. She'd never say that. Charlie deserved better. Charlie had always deserved better than a lying, cheating druggie. But they were so good. She'd gone out the night before with a friend from her first year and she'd had MDMA. It had been the best night she'd ever had. A man had tried to feel her up, which was fine, until he pulled her too close and the mix of alcohol and tobacco was stifling. She could feel his erection pressed against her back. Why would she ever want to fuck him when she could be in bed with Emily?

She couldn't stay up much longer; her ridiculously loud laughter was going to wake her ridiculously light sleeper of a girlfriend. She took her last drag and pressed the spliff out before heading back to the bedroom. She covered herself with body spray before climbing under the sheets.

'You smell beautiful,' Charlie announced, rolling over and pulling her into a brief kiss. 'Where have you been?'

'Having a fag, didn't want to smell like an ashtray. I know how much you hate it,' Naomi lied, smiling down at her in the dark.

'Can't you sleep baby?' she asked, sliding a leg along Naomi's and lifting her on top of her. Naomi responded, resting her knees down to support her weight as she kissed Charlie back.

'No, too much to think about,' she answered, wondering if Charlie would ever understand just how much she had going on in her head.

'I know how we can fix that,' Charlie breathed into her ear, sliding out from under her then climbing on top, massaging Naomi's shoulders and removing her clothes.

'Yes please,' Naomi groaned as Charlie kissed along the contours of her torso.

'I know how sleepy an orgasm makes you.'

xxx

'Houston, we have a problem.'

Naomi continued typing on her computer, making a mumbled noise in recognition of the voice coming from the door. She clicked save, then looked up confused.

'What?'

'The shiteth hath hiteth the faneth.'

'Ten things I hate about you?' he nodded. 'Would you stop repeating film quotes and tell me what's going on? I'm not feeling well and this isn't helping.'

'Sorry NB, the new student paper is out. Seems your girlfriend has been busy.'

A huge smile spread across her face as she pictured Emily, before shaking the image out of her head. _Charlie_.

'She does love a good story. Possibly the best editor we'll have.'

'I'm not so sure,' he frowned, dropping the newspaper down on her desk. She lifted it up, unfolded it and stared at the headline.

'Oh.'

'Oh? Naomi, she's demanding that the student who attacked you be prosecuted. She's willing to do whatever it takes to get information. Did you know about this?'

'No, of course not,' Naomi frowned, fumbling through the pages to the rest of the article.

'She's accusing the student union of doing nothing to protect its staff and the other students from violence.'

'How many copies could have been picked up since this morning?' Naomi shrugged, skimming the article.

_'Every_ copy has gone; they're talking about printing another batch already. Have you got to the worst part yet?'

'Christ,' Naomi screamed, picking up the paper and carrying it out of the office.

'Naomi, where are you going? We need to talk about this.'

'Later, I need to murder my girlfriend.'

xxx

'What are you doing here I thought you had work?' Charlie asked, frowning as she marched through the door.

'Every student should join a protest about safety within the university? Are you fucking kidding me?' Naomi screamed, throwing the paper down in Charlie's lap. Her face grew red, blood rushing to her cheeks with fury.

'Ah, you've seen it then?' Charlie smiled, hopefully.

'Yes I've fucking seen it. This is the least safe the university has ever been? Are you fucking joking?'

'I didn't mean it that way.'

'Sure you didn't,' Naomi rolled her eyes. 'As President it's _my_ responsibility to look after the students' needs.'

Naomi couldn't remember the last time she had ever been so mad at one person. She took a few deep breaths, readily waiting for the moment that she wanted to physically attack Charlie for the indignation she knew was coming.

'You were assaulted Naomi, why hasn't anything been done about it?' she snapped. 'You said it yourself last year that this place isn't as safe as it used to be.'

'Do you know what you've fucking done? _Every_ student is going to read this. The editor of the paper cannot abuse their position like this. Is anyone really going to believe that this is an objective piece of journalism?'

'I resigned this morning. I've got too much on with my degree and mentoring that I can't fit it in anymore.'

'So you thought you'd use your final issue to damage the good name I've built up for this union?' Naomi asked, staring at her until her teeth hurt from being pressed tightly together. 'You have potentially ruined _everything_.'

'I thought I was doing the _right_ thing,' Charlie rolled her eyes. 'You were attacked and nobody did a thing about it.'

Tapping her foot on the ground was the only way to stop herself from throwing a punch. She picked up the newspaper and began to scrunch it up in her hands, before ripping it accidentally.

'That's because _I_ didn't want them to. The student was someone I know. They were angry; I couldn't blame them for what happened. I'd made a mistake which cost them. Next time, get your fucking facts right before you start slandering innocent people. Do you know how hard it is sometimes? Having to take on board everyone else's problems? Without my team I would have fallen apart. If you wanted a story, you shouldn't have chosen _my_ life.'

'The students needed to know,' Charlie defended herself, standing up in front of Naomi.

'Get off your _fucking_ high horse,' Naomi snarled, not afraid of standing that little bit closer. 'Knowing something does not give you the right to pass it on if someone else is happy not doing.'

'I have a duty.'

'Yes, to me. Your _girlfriend_.'

'I expected you to be annoyed, but not this angry.'

'Fuck off Charlie,' Naomi grunted, ripped harder on the paper until it was in pieces. 'You didn't expect me to be furious? Christ, what is wrong with you?'

'I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought once you understood, you'd support me.'

_'Support_ you? I don't even want to be with you right now.'

'You don't mean that,' Charlie tried, her voice growing weaker. 'You'er just angry, how about I make us some lunch and we sit down and talk, properly.'

Her hands came down on Naomi's shoulder, which she pushed away quickly. _'No_, I don't want to be anywhere near you.'

'Come on baby,' Charlie tried again, sadly. 'It's all just a bit messy. We'll sort it out.'

'I don't think we will,' Naomi muttered, throwing the newspaper in Charlie's face before marching back out of the flat.

xxx

The front door looked familiar, the number was correct, there was just no answer. Naomi sat down against the door and waited, her eyes filling with tears which she quickly brushed away. She couldn't handle the anger inside, it was all too much. She hadn't seen Emily in over a week, unintentionally; they'd still not managed to swap numbers. Now she couldn't think of anyone she wanted to see more.

'Naomi?' Emily asked in surprise as she approached the door. Naomi stood up rapidly and pushed the negative emotions away. 'What are you doing here? How do you even remember where I live?'

'I checked the system at the union.'

'Is that even legal?'

'Probably not,' Naomi laughed weakly. 'But I've smoked weed every night since I was last here. I don't think I can do this without you.'

'Do what?'

'Anything, everything, life.'

'I don't know what to say,' Emily whispered. 'I thought maybe you didn't want to get back together. I'm not sure I want to, it's a mess.'

'I know,' Naomi cried. 'I know that everything is so fucked up but nothing is making this easier for me. I can't stop thinking about you. About fucking you. I need you Emily; I need you so fucking much.'

'Okay,' Emily muttered, unlocking the door to the flat and allowing them inside.

'Okay? Is that all you can say?'

In one quick motion, Emily's tongue was inside Naomi's mouth, her fingers traced along the bare line of skin between her shirt and her trousers. Naomi responded, lifting Emily into her arms until her legs wrapped around her waist as she carried her into the bedroom.

**Sooooooo...the shiteth hath hiteth the fan...eth (I love that quote! if you couldn't already tell), thoughts?**


	19. Food Glorious Food

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you for the reviews, as always and to those who have favourited this fic, it's always lovely to know people are enjoying it. We're approaching the final stretch, if this was an Olympic marathon, they'd be about to enter the track...

**Chapter Nineteen**

'I should probably go,' Naomi muttered, monotonously as she pulled her t-shirt back over her head.

Emily sat up, wrapping the bed covers around her to stop the chill in the air from making her any colder. She reached out an arm, her cold fingers heating up as they touched Naomi's warm skin. She didn't want her to go; she didn't ever want her to leave again. Especially after the week before. They hadn't talked about it; Emily didn't really want to think about it. A lot was happening; she couldn't blame Naomi for leaving whilst she dozed. It wasn't the first time and she began to doubt whether it would be the last.

'Please don't, I'll make us some dinner.'

'It's only four.'

'Then we can spend some time together before having dinner.'

'I should go,' Naomi repeated, moving away from Emily's touch.

'Stay,' Emily begged, dropping the covers to reach for Naomi's arm. 'Please.'

Naomi turned to face her, her eyes falling down her naked body as she let out a sigh. Emily could see the hesitation, the fear that seemed to be constantly living in Naomi's eyes. She wanted to wrap her up in her arms and never let her feel fear again. She wanted to forget the past, forgive the problems and live like the last few years hadn't happened.

'I shouldn't,' Naomi leered, talking mostly to her breasts.

'Eyes up here,' Emily laughed, raising her chin up with two fingers and staring into Naomi's eyes.

Naomi let out a long, loud sigh and rolled her eyes. If Emily was in any doubts about how much she still cared for her, she wasn't now. Every tiny detail about Naomi's personality still made her body do things she couldn't even describe.

'I never could say no to you Miss Fitch.'

'I know,' Emily grinned, climbing out from the bedcovers and standing on the floor beside Naomi, their fingers interlinked as Naomi dropped her bag and shoes back onto the floor.

'It's too early for dinner.'

'I know,' Emily smirked, pulling her back in to her arms and running her fingers under her t-shirt. 'I guess we need to entertain ourselves.'

'Entertain ourselves?' Naomi asked, lifting her arms and allowing Emily to remove her clothes once more.

'Work up an appetite,' Emily muttered, kissing along Naomi's shoulder blades, her hands cupping her soft, voluptuous breasts.

The gentle touch of Naomi's hands clutching her waist, twisted behind her to pull Emily closer, made Emily's heart beat loudly. She transferred her kisses to Naomi's neck and face, capturing her lips as she massaged her upper torso, tugging and clawing at her skin.

'I need you,' Emily gasped, pushing a hand down between Naomi's legs, forcing her into submission as her lips and fingers pushed her to the edge and beyond.

They lay back down on the bed, Naomi's mouth exploring every inch of Emily's body, sending shots of adrenaline and passion spinning through the atmosphere around her skin. Her nails dug into Naomi's shoulders, wrapping tightly around strands of her hair until she could do nothing else but scream out her name.

'Emily?' Naomi whispered, kissing her cheeks, attempting to wake her up from the brief moment where she'd blacked out. Her mouth grew into a large smile, her tongue reaching out for Naomi's as they shared a kiss. Their arms and legs tangled up as though they were one person with twice as many limbs.

'What?' Emily sighed, thrusting her hips slowly against Naomi's thigh, needing to feel closer, to quench the continuing fire between her legs.

'I love you.'

Her eyes darted open, her mouth agape as Naomi pushed her thigh harder against her, sending her over the edge until she couldn't even speak. Naomi's fingers slipped between them and Emily's emotions got the better of her, tears streaming down her face as she kissed Naomi all over.

'I love you too,' she sobbed, caressing her neck before returning to her lips where she stayed. Their mouths sharing one space as they came down from the mountain they'd climbed together.

xxx

'Pizza or Chinese?' Emily asked, crawling back into bed with two menus.

'What?' Naomi asked, distracted.

'I asked if you wanted pizza or Chinese?'

'I'd rather have your tits if they're going to be dangling like that,' Naomi muttered, honestly, her head tilted to the side as she chewed on her bottom lip.

'I could throw you out right now if you wanted,' Emily smirked.

'Jesus, I've not had sex with you properly for four years; can you blame me for wanting to shag your brains out?'

'Not really,' Emily whispered, kissing her neck then pushing the menus in her face. 'But I'm starving, so pick.'

'Which one delivers to your bed?'

Emily rolled her eyes, laughing as Naomi's mouth seemed to surgically attach itself to her neck. 'None, now put me down and choose!'

'I don't fucking care, I just want you.'

'I guess you're going hungry then,' Emily mumbled, throwing the menus on the floor and settling back down whilst Naomi kissed her shoulders and neck.

'Me?' Naomi asked, pulling away. 'What happened to we?'

'If you don't choose, I'm going to put a frozen lasagne in the microwave.'

Emily loved nothing more than teasing Naomi; the whole silly conversation reminded her of simpler times. She wished that they hadn't missed out on so much of it, on the years of university they could have spent together, the travelling, the partying. She'd always wanted it all to be with Naomi. When Naomi 'died' she'd thought about everything she wouldn't get to do again. She could hardly believe that she was lay there, with Naomi's eyebrow raised at her seductively.

'Oh yum, that'll do. Lasagne on Emily.'

'Don't you fucking dare,' she snapped, playfully hitting Naomi's arm. 'Hot cheese is lethal; you'd do better to remember that.'

'Hey, no fair, bringing up something that happened five years ago.'

'You think I could forget your attempt to eat cheesy nachos off my tits? I've never been in so much physical pain before.'

'Fine,' Naomi pouted. 'You can eat it off me instead.'

'I think I want pizza,' Emily muttered, turning the conversation away from lasagne and the potential for second degree burns.

After ordering a large half Hawaiian, half pepperoni, Emily crawled back into bed with the box, watching Naomi as her eyes followed her naked body along the bed.

'If you don't stop ogling me like a man I'll eat all of this pizza myself.'

'You don't like pineapple on pizza.'

'I'll take it off.'

'You said yourself it can't be taken off because it affects the flavour,' Naomi defended, pulling the box out from under Emily's grasp. 'Now feed me, bitch.'

'Oi,' Emily frowned, picking up a slice from her own side and starting to eat it. 'Call me bitch again and you'll get no dessert.'

'What's for dessert?' Naomi asked, sitting up straight and grinning at Emily as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

'That would be telling,' she whispered, taking a large mouthful. Naomi sat watching her, waiting for her to finish eating, which seemed to take forever.

'Don't be so cruel, tell me.'

'Hang on,' Emily muttered, in the middle of another mouthful, which she ate slowly just to tease Naomi further. Her impatience obvious by her jiggling about. 'Bananas and custard.'

'On you?'

Emily rolled her eyes, trying her best not to smirk.

'Yes.'

'I've missed this,' Naomi muttered after a moment's silence. 'I've missed you so much.'

'I've missed you too,' Emily smiled, chewing on her slice of pizza. 'How could I not miss your desire to eat every kind of food off my body?'

'It's a skill of mine, one that you love.'

'Well,' Emily began, trailing off as she leant in to kiss Naomi briefly on the lips.

xxx

The room filled with the incessant tone on Naomi's phone, which rang out constantly. Emily rolled over, sleepily, as Naomi glanced at her phone and placed it back down on the bedside table.

'Who is it?'

'No one,' Naomi muttered, moodily.

'I've dreamt about this,' Emily sighed, curling up in Naomi's arms as they lay together.

'Lots of sex?'

'No,' Emily laughed. 'Waking up together, waking up with you, you're here, you're alive.'

The brief silence was interrupted by the continuous ringing of Naomi's phone. She cursed loudly and pressed the red button as Emily settled back into her arms.

'If you need to answer it, I don't mind.'

'It's fine,' she snapped.

'Are you okay?' Emily asked, frowning.

The moment she woken up, Emily felt on top of the world. She'd expected to never share a bed with Naomi again, even if they hadn't spent most of the night having sex she'd have been perfectly happy waking up in her arms. She'd just assumed that Naomi would feel the same way.

'Fucking phone,' Naomi shouted, dropping it on the floor angrily as it carried on ringing.

'Naomi, what's going on?' she whispered.

'Just work,' she moaned, getting out of bed to turn it off as it continued vibrating against the wooden floor.

The vacant space beside Emily left her feeling cold and lonely, she wanted to snuggle and to pretend that the world around them didn't matter, if only for a few more minutes. Naomi had other ideas as she gathered up her clothes.

'I have to go to work,' Naomi informed her, as though the worried stare was the only question she needed.

'Already?'

'I was supposed to go in half an hour ago,' Naomi sighed, searching through Emily's drawers and taking out some clean underwear. 'Do you mind if I borrow these?'

'I'd rather you wear nothing,' she smirked, attempting to get Naomi's mood back to ecstatic.

'No. Back to reality I'm afraid.'

'Can't we put it off a bit longer?' Emily questioned her eyes downturned in sorrow. She stared at Naomi, hoping that she'd notice the sad expression on her face.

'Unfortunately not,' she responded, barely glancing up from getting dressed. 'I have a meeting about the student paper, got a message from Andrew last night.'

'Aww,' Emily moaned. 'Well, maybe we can reconvene this evening?'

The hesitation was enough to dampen Emily's mood as Naomi stopped what she was doing and turned around, her eyes glazed over and her tooth chewing on her lip nervously.

'I, I don't know,' she stuttered, blinking repeatedly to avoid eye contact.

'You don't know?'

'I've just got a few things to sort out.'

'Like what?' Emily frowned. 'Can I help?'

'No,' Naomi responded, quickly.

Something dawned on Emily that she hadn't even considered before, filling her with dread. She knew Naomi so well; she'd always been the one that knew everything about her. She may still chew her lip when nervous or wanting sex and she may still dig her nails into her own thigh whilst having an orgasm, but there was so much Emily no longer knew.

'I don't know anything about your life here,' she cried.

'I suppose not,' Naomi responded, not noticing how much that hurt her to be in that position. 'I really have to go.'

Emily stayed in bed, her eyes filling with tears as she watched Naomi walk out of the flat. All she'd ever wanted was for everything to go back to the way it was, the way it should have been. She'd forgotten that for that to happen, they didn't just have to have sex and confess they still loved one another, they had to learn who each other was now. If she was honest, Naomi's lack of sharing only worried her.

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter, a little bit of fun and fluff and randomness which I wanted to put in, especially since it's all been rather depressing and angsty and it's probably not going to be much better. Please comment :)**


	20. I do

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thanks for the reviews...I don't really have anything else to say, except that I'm sorry, haha.

**Chapter Twenty**

The spring in her step was too noticeable; she could tell it the second she marched down the street feeling like the air was filled with helium. She was bouncy and ecstatic. She felt like the world was righted, that nothing could ever hurt her and that she could finally be happy. What was she thinking? She'd near enough ended the relationship with her girlfriend, the woman she actually imagined marrying before Emily turned up. Even though she didn't love her as much as she still loved Emily, she was still 'the one' that she'd chosen. She should have been angry, disappointed, heartbroken, all of the above. Instead she was none of the above.

That wasn't entirely true, if she was honest with herself. She did care about her, she did love Charlie. Maybe not in the way she was supposed to, but deep down she didn't want to hurt her as much as she didn't want to hurt Emily. She'd royally fucked up her whole life through a few small, well, rather massive, mistakes. She couldn't keep her hands off Emily, she should have known that would happen the second she saw her in the lecture theatre. She never could stop herself when it came to the girl with red hair.

The spring, so naturally there, vanished the second she approached the Student Union. Her heart leapt into her throat and for the first time she felt an overwhelming amount of shame and guilt. Charlie stood against the wall, her face pale apart from her red, puffy eyes. Naomi's stomach churned up with an amount of regret that she knew would vanish in an instant if she saw Emily. But she still felt it, standing there, facing the one person who had been there for her since she'd arrived in Manchester.

'I love you,' Charlie announced, her first attempt to fix what had shattered so painfully the day before.

'Not now Charlie,' Naomi closed her eyes, wincing under the touch of Charlie's fingers on her arm. 'I'll meet you after your lecture.'

'I don't want to go,' Charlie cried, her voice breaking with tears. 'I need to fix this Naomi, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I don't know why I did it; I don't know why I fucked up everything.'

'You didn't fuck everything up.'

Did she? Twenty-four hours before, Naomi had been sat in her office minding her own business. Then she'd seen the front page of paper. She'd been furious, furious at Charlie for reporting something that had nothing to do with her. Furious at Charlie for jeopardising Emily's future. Furious at her for jeopardising _her own_ future. No, she wasn't furious at Charlie. She was furious at herself. Everything that had happened was her own fault. If she hadn't pretended to die, none of this would have happened. She wouldn't have met Charlie, she wouldn't have hurt Emily and she wouldn't be so close to breaking both of their hearts.

'Please, please tell me you forgive me,' Charlie begged, resting a hand on Naomi's cheek. 'When one regrets one's actions, one must bow their head and send forth the most sweetest and painful of apologies. Regardless of whether one believed themself to be right, if one's actions have damaged one's relationship, then one must be the bigger person.'

A moment's hesitation overlapped with the sickness buried deep in the bottom of Naomi's stomach. There was so much that she loved about Charlie, which she would always love about her. Things that Emily would never do, or say, that made her unique and beautiful and wonderful. Naomi couldn't breathe. What use was breath when she was on the verge of breaking not just the hearts of her lovers, but her own as well. She couldn't fix her life; she couldn't repair the damage that had been done. She'd already deceived Charlie beyond measure, through their whole relationship and now Emily; her dear, sweet Emily had been pulled into the carnage.

'Go to your lecture,' Naomi sighed, pushing Charlie away. 'I don't want to be the cause of you failing your degree. Come back after, then we can talk.'

xxx

Naomi sat back in her chair thinking about her role at the union. She'd set out all those months ago with the aim of being the best President the University of Manchester had ever seen. She'd had high hopes, expectations beyond measure and she didn't want to let herself or anyone else down. So far she'd failed, miserably. She'd been 'assaulted by a student', had taken countless mornings and afternoons off without warning and had enough cannabis in her system that a random drug test would lead to her instant dismissal.

As Charlie sat down opposite her she knew that nothing was going to get better. Her girlfriend apologised again, curled her lips up in that sensuous way that she always did when she needed to get Naomi back on side. That was when Naomi knew she would be powerless to what was going to happen next.

'I'll put another article in the paper; I'll retract everything I said. I'll make it right. You know I would never mean to hurt you.'

Charlie spoke with such earnest and Naomi needed little more than her way with words to be won over. She nodded an acceptance, couldn't stay mad at her beautiful girlfriend for much longer. They'd been through so much together, they were each other's family and that counted for a lot. Naomi had never told Charlie much about her home life, but what she did know was that Naomi had no one. At least that's what she believed anyway. Despite Emily's return, she still felt compelled to Charlie, as though she couldn't live without her. She wondered if perhaps she was just too afraid to try. Once upon a time Emily begged her to be brave. Without her by her side, she'd never had the courage to do anything.

'I'd never mean to hurt you too,' Naomi whispered, standing up to meet Charlie's waiting arms. 'Don't forget that, yeah?'

The minutes ticked on, further seconds of time where she chose her life over her career, the job she'd fought so hard to get. Sometimes it seemed so inconceivable that she would end up in such a place, risking everything for the love she had never been able to shake off. _Emily_. Even in Charlie's arms she couldn't stop thinking about Emily.

'I couldn't ever forget,' Charlie said, her lips pressed softly against Naomi's, silencing them both.

The slow, tender kisses trailing along her skin pushed her body into action. Naomi's sense had been heightened; they always were when she was having more than regular sex, more so with Emily than anyone else. Her skin tingled as Charlie stroked up and down her arms, resting the tips of her fingers against her back, fumbling with the clasp on her bra. She'd lost control long ago, a slave to her senses.

'Christ,' she sighed, leaning back against the desk once Charlie's lips had wrapped around her now exposed breast. She closed her eyes and got lost in the moment, feeling skin colliding with skin, allowing Charlie to do whatever she pleased with her body. By way of accepting her apology and apologising right back. She'd always been the one in the wrong, she just couldn't admit that. She'd always been terrible at admitting anything that mattered.

Once it was over Naomi sat down in her chair, adjusting her clothes, in silence. Charlie sat opposite, the only evidence that they'd moved was the bra still hanging off the lampshade and the mess of hair atop their heads.

'I've been meaning to ask you,' Charlie filled the silence, crouching down on the floor. 'I was going to do it this week, then we had that fight and I thought I'd never get the chance.'

'Oh,' Naomi gasped, staring in shock at the small, silver ring in Charlie's shaking fingers.

'I love you so much, please will you spend the rest of your life with me, be my wife?'

Before she knew what she was doing, Naomi nodded her head, grinning as she whispered a positive response. Then they were in each other's arms once more, kissing, the ring being pushed onto her finger. She loved Charlie; she could foresee herself marrying Charlie. Until Emily turned up. _Emily_. Jesus. What had she done?

'I,' she tried to speak, the words caught in her throat. Lost in the moment she'd got carried away, forgot that her plans had changed. That her life was returning to its original status quo. Emily was her life, her love, the only person she could ever see herself being with.

'You have made me the happiest girl in the whole world,' Charlie grinned, kissing her again, holding her so tight that she could barely breathe. She couldn't change her mind. She couldn't hurt her, not now, not like this.

'Don't you have another lecture?' Naomi asked, bringing them back down with a bump. Reality mattered, normality mattered. She couldn't stand to be there with her, to celebrate now when all she wanted to do was cry.

'Just a meeting with Emily, I can put it off though, we could get an early dinner. Spend the rest of the night in bed,' Charlie muttered, her finger slipping into the front of her waistband. She wriggled herself away.

'I really can't finish early, I'm sorry, but I'll walk you out.'

She rushed to the door. Hearing Emily's name on Charlie's lips had always been that little too difficult, too close to home. How could she stand there, being happy that she'd accepted her girlfriend's proposal when everything had become such a mess? She just kept digging.

'I'll be back here as soon as you've finished,' Charlie grinned, pulling her close as they stood at the top of the steps. Charlie's tongue and lips captured her own and she gave in to the desire, if they hadn't been standing outside the Student Union, Naomi would probably have ripped her clothes off as her body reacted once more. She pushed her hips that bit closer to Charlie's, wrapping herself up in her fiancés arms. Out of the corner of her eye Naomi caught a glimpse of red and as she pulled out of the kiss, her chest ached at the sight of Emily stood at the bottom of the steps.

**So...thoughts? feelings?**


	21. Three birds, three stones

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thanks for the reviews...I don't do anything lightly in my stories, things happen the way they happen. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but please respect that I put a lot of time and effort into my writing. I hope you enjoy this next chapter...

**Chapter Twenty One**

The proverbial shit had hit the fan. Emily had left her lecture a few minutes early because of an unexpected call from Katie. She'd worried something might have happened, why else would her sister call up out of the blue? They hadn't spoken since Katie left, aside from a message to inform her of her safe arrival. When Katie informed her that she'd gone to the police about Naomi, the first thing she did was run across the campus to find her. What she hadn't expected to see was Naomi stood at the top of the stairs in a passionate clinch with not just a random, but Charlie.

'Naomi?' she gasped, everything she thought she knew crashing down around her. What was happening?

Naomi stepped backwards, fear lodged in her eyes, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Charlie stood between them, staring at Naomi until she realised to look behind her. The brief glance at Emily did nothing to fix the confusion.

'What's going on?' Emily said, her voice disappearing with an onset of tears. 'Naomi, why, what, I don't understand.'

'You two know each other?' Charlie frowned, looking between them.

'Are you together?' Emily asked, looking to Charlie for answers.

'We're engaged,' she answered honestly, before turning back to Naomi. 'What the fuck is going on? How do you know Emily?'

Closing her eyes and taking long deep breaths was the only way that Emily could maintain a level of calm. She didn't want to believe what she'd seen, couldn't bear the thought of what it meant for Charlie and Naomi to be engaged.

'I never meant for any of this to happen,' Naomi said, too little too late. A burst of rage filled Emily, pushing her legs into action as she marched up the steps, slapping her hard across the face before hitting her shoulder blades.

'You fucking liar, you haven't changed, you haven't fucking changed, how could you do this? How could you fuck with me like this? After everything you've put me through,' tears flowed down her cheeks and she fell to the floor, perched on the step below Naomi's feet.

'I'm so sorry,' Naomi sobbed, wiping at her own tearstained face. 'I, I didn't know what to do.'

She couldn't speak as she choked on tears, each drop making everything feel so much worse. Naomi's knelt beside her, lifting her face up to meet her own. Emily closed her eyes, too scared to look into Naomi's through fear of how quickly she might forgive her. The touch itself was hard enough to bear.

'I needed to tell you, but I was too fucking scared of losing you, again,' Naomi informed her, stroking the tears from her cheek.

Emily felt sick. How could she be so stupid? She knew nothing about Naomi's life; she'd just assumed that everything was fine. She took Naomi's word for it, accepted that they could be together because Naomi hadn't stated otherwise.

'You let me fall in love with you again,' Emily mumbled, her eyes darting about in her head as she contemplated everything she'd done over the last few weeks. 'I pushed Katie away for you; I thought we had a future together. I thought, I thought we could go back to how things were.'

'I wanted to.'

'But you're engaged,' Emily said, finally staring into her eyes with sorrow.

Naomi looked up from Emily, searching the steps as she struggled to her feet. Emily watched her staring around the small crowd of people that had gathered.

'Charlie?' she cried out, urgent movement of her eyes amongst the people, but Emily knew as well as Naomi, that she'd gone.

'No,' she sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand as she lowered herself back down onto the steps. 'I've ruined everything, I've ruined, I'm so sorry. Emily, I'm so sorry, you've got to believe me.'

'I don't know if I do. You're getting married, how could you keep something like that from me?'

'She only just proposed.'

It just got better and better, Emily threw her arms up and scoffed. The more Naomi talked, the harder it was for Emily to understand what she was saying. The damage had already been done, she'd already fucked everything up once more and Emily wasn't sure there was any going back.

'I didn't expect her to. I didn't know what else to say, I just, I said yes and I didn't want to but it came out. I thought I was never going to see you again, I thought I would never get to hold you in my arms and love you again.'

'You've known for weeks that I'm here,' she noted, a painful lump rising in her throat. 'We've been together more than once before she asked you. Don't be so fucking naïve Naomi, you said yes, you said yes when you knew that I loved you. You knew that I would want to be with you.'

'I know, I know,' Naomi nodded, her shoulders hunched as she sobbed.

They sat on the step, inches apart, crying. The people around them began to whisper between them, a flash went off in their faces and a man, who Emily only vaguely recognised, pulled Naomi up to her feet.

'I don't know what is going on,' he began, a stern look on his face. 'But we need to go inside; your friend can come with us. It's probably better that she does.'

Emily followed the two of them up the steps, through the crowd and into the Student Union, they walked up to the door she'd waiting outside a couple of weeks ago and waited for them to unlock it. Then she was guided into the room she recognised to be Naomi's office, where she sat down with a cup of tea as the man tried to get something coherent out of Naomi.

'I've ruined everything,' she kept repeating, his questions falling on deaf ears.

'You're Emily?' he asked, she nodded. 'Can you tell me what is going on?'

'No,' Emily whispered, looking down with regret. How could she put into words something which she didn't fully understand herself? Naomi's existence in her life was still something she struggled to believe. Now with the added mess, she couldn't process everything fast enough.

He left the room then. Emily glanced at Naomi, too afraid to look her in the eye but not wanting to keep her eyes off her. She sat in her chair, shaking as though they were in the middle of a freezing cold iceberg, not a warm office.

'Naomi,' Andrew returned to the office, sighing heavily as he allowed two police officers to enter the room.

'No,' she cried out, staring at them with fear. 'Please, I don't want this, I don't want this.'

'Naomi Campbell?' the female officer asked.

'I keep telling you,' Andrew snapped. 'Her name isn't Campbell.'

'It is,' she interrupted, through the tears.

He opened his mouth to speak and ended up staring at Naomi as her admission began to sink in.

'Naomi Campbell, I'm going to have to ask you to come down to the station with us.'

'Am I being arrested?' she asked, her chest heaving with rapid breaths.

'Not at this current stage,' the man piped up. 'But you may be liable to charges further down the line.'

Naomi nodded and was helped to her feet by the officers. Emily closed her eyes, didn't want to watch what she knew was probably going to happen when she received the phone call from Katie. As if things couldn't get any worse, she thought. When she opened her eyes again, Naomi stared at her with such a painful expression that Emily just wanted to wrap her arms around her and kiss her until everything was alright again. Then she remembered Charlie and everything Naomi had put her through. How could she get past that? How could anyone get past it? As Naomi's eyes begged for her to say or do something, she just shook her head, unable to do anything but watch Naomi be taken away.

**Any comments? I'm shattered, haha. Naomi's really taking it out of me.**


	22. Mother Knows Best

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed...I had more I was going to say here but with the frustrating state of the FFnet document upload system (it's not working!) it's taken a day to actually get this to you. I've written two more chapters in that time, one of this and one of another fic. So keep an eye out in the next 24 hours for those!

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Naomi had never been arrested. In all of the years she'd spent smoking weed and getting up to no good at protests, she'd not once managed to be handcuffed and shoved into a tiny cell. The officers reaffirmed to her that she wasn't being arrested. Yet everything they did suggested she was in as much trouble as the man dragged in kicking and screaming. They processed her, took her fingerprints and made her sit in a cell. Time passed by, the only indication was the darkening sky she could see through a small rectangular window at the top of the room. They didn't have clocks. They didn't even have proper toilets. Naomi curled up into a ball, sat on the furthest side of the room, doing her best to sit somewhere between an unsavoury brown stain and a sticky layer. The smell was overwhelming, so much so that Naomi ended up emptying her stomach into the toilet bowl on three separate occasions.

'Get me the fuck out of this fucking fuckhole,' a voice shouted from the corridor.

Naomi sat back against the wall, her underwear growing damp from a patch on the floor. She didn't care anymore. She didn't want to be there, she didn't want to be anywhere. Was this what her life was about to become? What was the punishment for lying about your death? She wondered if she would end up being some woman's bitch, offering up sexual favours in turn for protection from the other, more aggressive ladies on the wing. Would she get a cell with a woman who'd murdered someone? Or simply someone who'd been conned into fraud by her overzealous boss?

They pulled her out just once for questioning. She spent an hour telling them what had happened to Cook, why she'd felt the need to fake her own death and what she'd been doing for the last few years. She didn't have the energy to ask for help. Who needed a solicitor when everything she had to say was the truth? There was no point in lying anymore. What good would it do? She'd made her bed; she'd ruined her own life and taken several people down with her. What purpose would it serve to pretend it was all in vain? She wanted her life back. She needed it back.

As the evening drew on her eyes grew heavy, yet she couldn't sleep. Too much was passing through her brain to allow it to shut off long enough to pass the hours. Instead she curled back up on the bench, ignoring the sticky surface attaching her to it. She thought about what was happening at home, whether Charlie would be asleep, or merely lay in bed thinking about everything she'd heard that day. How could she hurt her so monstrously? They'd been each other's rock for so long, that the thought of breaking Charlie's heart made her cry. Thick tears splashed down from her nose, landing on the bench beside her. Strands of her hair stuck to her cheek which she kept pushing back behind her ear. The only person who had no place in this mess was Charlie. She'd not asked for anything, except her love and her companionship. She'd loved her unconditionally. Sure they argued and their tempers could both get the better of them at times, but they'd been the most important person in each other's lives for so long, that Naomi couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She wondered if Charlie felt the same. Why wouldn't she? She had no family. She was like Naomi, except that she had no choice in the matter.

Somewhere along the night she'd fallen asleep, her eyes had just been too heavy to keep open. When she opened them again a stream of light flooded the tiny room, bouncing back from the doorway. A tray had been placed on the floor with a slice of toast and a plastic cup filled with water sat upon it. She ate hungrily, couldn't be sure where her appetite had come from, but her stomach growled with every bite until she was picking at the crumbs, anything for a little more to eat. She washed it down with the water which again was not quite enough to quench her thirst.

'Miss Campbell,' an officer opened the door, one she didn't recognise. It made sense that the two that brought her in would no longer be there.

He pulled her out of the room and she followed him out of the holding cells and back up a corridor. The hard floors turned into soft carpet as he led her through the station. Where were they going? She couldn't imagine the hardened criminals and drunken alcoholic they brought in were taken into the main body of the station.

'Wait in there please,' he muttered.

She followed his instructions and she walked across the room, a room filled with sofas and chairs, far superior to the bench of the holding cell. A door on the far side of the room had a sign which suggested it was a toilet, when she went inside she analysed herself in the mirror. Her left cheek was covered in God knows what from where she'd been lay in the cell. Her other cheek had a faint handprint from the day before. She ran her fingers along it, the only way she could feel comforted by Emily at a time when she wasn't nearby. If she'd ever be nearby again. She'd broken her heart, not once, not twice, but three times already. What was wrong with her? Why did she fuck things up so royally where Emily was concerned? Why couldn't they just live happily ever after like fairytales?

She'd never even believed in fairytales. At six her mother's friend Janine had ranted on about the feminist interpretations of Snow White and Beauty and the Beast and by Naomi's ninth birthday she was as bitter and cynical about finding love as her mother's friends. In addition to that, she'd watched Gina go through countless failed romances; men who cared more about sex, men who cared about Gina but not her child and men who wanted everything at the expense of their own existence. Each one failed, each man either dumped Gina or she'd ended it before they had the chance. Where were her role models? What guidance did she have about healthy relationships when her own mother had never been able to keep hold of a man long enough for her to consider him a father?

She splashed water across her face, ran her fingers through the matted strands of her hair and neatened out her dirty clothes. It wasn't much, but it was the best she could do under the circumstances.

'Miss Campbell?' a voice shouted from the main room, she wiped a few tears from her eyes and flushed the toilet before exiting the little bathroom.

When she closed the door behind her the man from earlier smiled at her as he stepped aside to reveal the one person she thought she would never see again. The space between them disappeared as Naomi rushed up to her mother's arms and fell into them.

'Oh, Naomi,' Gina gasped, kissing her cheek, holding her face up to see it. Naomi stared longingly into her eyes, beginning her for the love and attention she'd craved for years.

'Mum,' she cried, wrapping her arms around her waist and pushing her face against her shoulder, against the nape of her neck. She breathed in her familiar scent and held her tightly. She didn't ever want to let her go again.

'My baby girl,' Gina squealed, a large smile growing with every passing second. She held her cheeks again and searched every feature of Naomi's face. 'It's really you.'

'I'm so sorry,' she wept, squeezing her a little harder as Gina held her with just as much yearning.

'It doesn't matter,' she uttered, through tears. 'None of it matters anymore my beautiful girl, you're back, I have you back. That's all that I care about.'

'I love you mum,' Naomi mumbled, barely audible as she spoke into Gina's clothing.

Gina began sobbing once more, her arms wrapped just as tightly around Naomi's back, 'I love you too love, I'll always love you too.'

**Happy? Sad? Hopefully? Dreading? Any other thoughts? Let me know!  
**


	23. The Two Girlfriends

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: So I wrote this chapter yesterday along with the last one but wasn't able to upload, so here it is!

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Emily's bed lay undisturbed well into the early morning as she sat on the sofa, her laptop on her knee and the television blaring out repeats of CSI. She didn't watch much television after losing her place in many programmes during her stints in the hospital. She kept refreshing the student newspaper website, waiting, expecting some news about Naomi. Surely they'd have information soon, a picture or a statement, anything to confirm that Naomi was in fact okay. She considered calling a taxi and going to the police station but knew they probably wouldn't allow her in at that time of night, let alone allow her to see Naomi. Had she been charged with anything? Was she awaiting a court appearance to decide if she would be granted bail? If she was, where would she go? Emily doubted she had many friends and Charlie probably wouldn't appreciate her going home, assuming they even lived together. Naomi had always been a loner, long before Emily had met her.

'You think this is easy?' a man on the screen shouted across a room, the woman opposite him shook her head.

Nothing in Emily's life since meeting Naomi was easy; they seemed to flit from one drama to the next. Sometimes she wondered why she'd bothered for so long; every argument, every battle. She'd fought a good fight and cherished her successes. They'd been happy, once upon a time. They'd had their whole future ahead of them and Emily hadn't been scared of it. Before she fell in love with Naomi she had been scared. Scared of living life alone, scared of being too afraid to love, too afraid to accept the desires she kept secret from everyone including Katie. But then she'd found a reason to be brave which pushed her through every challenge she faced. She'd given up on her mother's unconditional love a long time ago, not because of Naomi but because of whom she was when she was with Naomi.

The page loaded, refreshed once again and up on the screen appeared Naomi's face. She looked down, her eyes broken as the two police officers held her up. To the average student it would look like she was being arrested and the headline didn't quash the assumption. To Emily it looked like she was being carried, not led, away from the Union.

'President suspended in the wake of arrest.'

In some ways, Emily couldn't blame Naomi for keeping secrets. Her whole life there had been built on a lie, a lie with a very valid reason. Was it wrong to keep up the pretence if only to protect her secret? Emily wasn't sure.

She'd never actually asked about Naomi's new life. Emily had not once tried to find out who Naomi was, in the present. What she did, who she spent time with, whether she was in a relationship. They'd slept together once that didn't really count. They weren't making love or giving in to desire, they were welcoming each other back into one another's lives. Sex wasn't the way to go about doing so, but there'd been so much lost between them through the years that it seemed the only valid option at the time. They'd both regretted it and yet, it opened an old wound which scabbed over quickly. Then they picked away at it until they couldn't stop themselves from touching each other, kissing each other, being together again. There'd been very little time for them to share their lives with one another and for that, Emily couldn't blame Naomi for not telling her about Charlie.

If Emily had been in a relationship too, she wondered if she'd have acted the same way. How do you tell someone you're supposed to be committed to that someone has come into your life that is more important? Emily doubted she'd be able to do it either. She started laughing to herself. What an assumption to make that she was more important to Naomi than Charlie. She didn't know that she was. All she knew was that Naomi loved her, yet had accepted Charlie's marriage proposal.

It must have reached morning because CSI went off, replaced by a children's show about monkeys. Emily flicked through the channels with no real purpose, settling on the news. She closed her laptop when a knock at the door pulled her from her hazy thoughts.

'Charlie?' she asked, holding the door open and allowing Charlie into the flat. 'What are you doing here?'

Under any other circumstances Emily probably wouldn't have recognised her. Charlie's long, dark hair was tied up tightly and her face blotched with tears that continued to fall down her cheeks. She didn't look like she'd had much sleep either.

'I'm sorry,' she cried. 'I shouldn't be here but I don't have anyone.'

Emily showed her to the lounge and made them some drinks, before sitting down opposite Charlie. She didn't know what to say, how to begin. How were you supposed to speak to your girlfriend's fiancé? Not that they'd ever officiated their relationship.

'I don't know whether to be angry with you,' Charlie uttered, wrapping her hands around the mug of coffee.

'I didn't know,' Emily promised her. 'Naomi didn't tell me. I never asked.'

'And if you'd known? Would it have made any difference?'

'I, I don't know,' Emily said, staring down at her mug with shame. 'The first time, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered. I thought she'd died.'

'It happened more than once?'

An overwhelming feeling of regret filled Emily like air in a balloon. She could barely stand to see Charlie cry, let alone the utter devastation on her face.

'Yeah,' she whispered, fearful of Charlie's reaction. 'But it's only just happened.'

There was no point covering over the cracks. Charlie needed honesty now; she needed the truth that Naomi had never given her. Most of it wasn't Emily place and she knew that, but she could at least attempt to ease Charlie's concerns.

'She loves you more than me, I can tell.'

Emily shifted uncomfortably in her seat, 'I don't think that's true.'

'The way she was looking at you on the steps,' Charlie muttered, looking to Emily for some confirmation. 'She's never looked at me like that.'

'Naomi doesn't let people in easily,' Emily told her, hoping it would help cushion the blow.

'So?' Charlie scoffed. 'Do you think that makes her love me more? She's only with me because she couldn't have you.'

'I don't,' Emily trailed off as Charlie interrupted her.

'I don't know why she wanted to marry me.'

'I wish I had answers for you, but I know as much as you do. One thing I do know is that Naomi loves you.'

'But she's in love with you.'

The conversation faltered, coming to a painful stop. Emily wanted to tell her she was wrong, Naomi was in love with her too. She didn't know that she was. If she'd loved Charlie that much, maybe she would have talked about her more.

'Nobody has ever loved me as much as I've loved them,' Charlie cried, rambling as her insecurities took control. 'What's wrong with me? Why do I always end up alone?'

'You won't,' Emily assured her, wishing she could know for sure. The last thing she had ever wanted was for someone else to get hurt. How had she ended up the other woman? 'Anyone will be lucky to have you.'

'I thought Naomi was going to be the one.'

'I know,' Emily whispered, holding Charlie's hand and stroking the back of it. 'And I'm so sorry.'

The television was still on in the background; Emily sat back at the opposite end of the sofa to Charlie. She flicked through the channels until she found one of the home improvement programmes they always showed in the mornings. The house was large, expensive and the renovation was done to perfection.

'Charlie?' Emily asked, glancing at Charlie who slumped in her seat, her eyes closed and her chest rising and falling in even breath. 'Charlie?'

The last thing Emily wanted was to be stuck with Charlie for longer than she needed to. The air was stifling, not with heat but with the intense issue sitting between them. Charlie being asleep made Emily feel uncomfortable but she had nowhere else to go.

'Katie,' she hissed into her phone as she rushed into her bedroom.

'Emily? What do you want?'

'I want you to tell me what to do with Naomi's fiancé sleeping on my sofa.'

'Naomi's what?' Katie gasped, the other end of the phone falling silent.

'Details don't matter,' she muttered. 'She's asleep on my sofa.'

'What the fuck do you want me to do?' Katie snapped. 'I'm in Liverpool.'

Emily rolled her eyes and let out a breath, she wasn't in the mood for Katie's attitude, least not when she'd caused the mess in the first place.

'This whole situation wouldn't need fixing if it wasn't for you going to the fucking police.'

'Naomi should have gone to the police four years ago.'

'Yeah well she didn't,' Emily reminded her. 'So fucking help me or I'll never speak to you again.'

'Very mature.'

'Fuck off Katie,' she snarled, not in the mood for her sister's bickering. 'This is bigger than you and me. Charlie's done nothing to deserve this. What do I do?'

'She's properly asleep?'

'I called her name, she didn't move.'

'Okay, go get a pen.'

Emily moved across her room to retrieve a pen from her desk, she carried it back towards the door.

'What do I need a pen for?'

'So you can draw a moustache on her face.'

'What?' she snapped, throwing the pen back across the room.

'James suggested it.'

'I don't want James's suggestion. Stop fucking around Katie.'

'Fine, get a blanket and cover her up.'

Emily stared at Charlie through the open doorway as she shifted about on the sofa. Sure she'd considered covering her up with a blanket, but what she really wanted to know was how to get her out of the flat.

'That's it?' she asked.

'What else can you do Emily?' Katie pointed out. 'She's asleep; she's not going anywhere until she wakes up.'

Emily hung up the phone, retrieved a blanket from on top of her wardrobe and laid it over Charlie's body. She grabbed at a corner and held it close, resting her thumb in her mouth.

'Thank you, baby,' she called out.

**Please leave a comment, it only takes a minute :)**


	24. Rediscover

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you for the reviews, as always, they're wonderful and you're all wonderful for leaving them.

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

There came a time in every little girl's life where she thought she didn't need her mother there beside her. Naomi had made that decision when she turned twelve. She'd fallen in love, albeit unconsciously at the time, which gave her the belief that she had become a 'grown up'. Grown-ups didn't run crying to their mum on the first day of secondary school, having realised that a certain girl from middle school had gone to a different one. Instead they curled up on their beds and cried until there were no tears left inside their weary body. There also came a time in a little girl's life where she realised that no matter what her strong, independent, teenage self had thought, she needed her mother more than ever. It took Naomi longer than most to reach that conclusion.

'You're going to have to let go of me eventually,' Gina smiled, brushing Naomi's long hair aside in order to get a better glimpse of her face.

'You need to stop looking at me like I'm going to disappear but you don't see me making a fuss about it,' Naomi argued back.

'Point taken.'

The police officer had left them alone nearly an hour ago 'to catch up', which Naomi considered to be both the nicest thing anyone had ever done and the biggest joke she'd ever heard. Did he really think she wouldn't spend the rest of her life trying to make up for the last four years?

'The handsome officer who brought me in here said that we can go home whenever we like,' Gina assured her, as though reading her mind.

'What about charges?' she asked, blankly.

'They decided that you've been through enough.'

Gina continued to move her fingers through Naomi's locks, brushing them back across her head as she cherished the feel of her daughter in her arms once more. Naomi had been reluctant to allow her to touch her for years; suddenly it made no sense to not let her close. She'd missed her. Not just a mild discomfort at being apart, but physical longing she'd locked up too long ago.

'Besides,' Gina smiled. 'I suggested they spend more time catching James Cook's murderer instead of locking up poor, innocent girls who just tried to do the right thing.'

'How can you be so calm about this?'

The last four years had been a whirlwind of worries, fears and frustrations about the life she'd ended up living. She'd been angry at Foster for ruining her life, angry at Cook for getting involved, even angry at Effy for having a breakdown which caused Foster to come into their lives. She'd never found a composed thought in all of the days, in all of the parts of her brain.

'Oh Naomi,' Gina chuckled. 'I've spent several long years praying to every God that supposedly exists hoping to get you back; wishing that I could have just one more day with my little girl. Right now I'm just worried that the only one that listened was the God of slugs.'

Naomi could never get bored of hearing her mother's voice, no matter how abnormal her sentences became. She could have been talking in French or Gobbledygook for what the content mattered. Still, her eyebrows furrowed and she stared at Gina as though she'd gone bananas.

'There's a God of slugs?'

'I was reading a children's book.'

'Why?'

Gina unravelled Naomi's arms from around her waist and cupped her face, taking another long, hard look at every inch of her features. Naomi frowned, sensing that something important was about to happen.

'I was reading it to your little brother.'

'I have a brother?' she gasped, sitting up straight with her mouth agape.

'You do,' Gina nodded, fumbling through her phone for a photograph; she passed it across to Naomi who smiled at the cheeky grin staring back at her. She couldn't be sure how she felt about him, it was all so sudden. A baby. Her _brother_. 'Born sixteen months ago, five pounds, three ounces by caesarean section and three weeks early.'

'Oh.'

'Are we going to sit around here all day or is there somewhere we can go?' Gina suggested, returning her phone to her bag and standing up.

Naomi stared at her hands, too afraid to say the things she was most afraid to think of, yet knowing that eventually, Gina would find out.

'I have a flat, but I share it with my girlfriend and I don't think she'll want to see me right now.'

'Because of the police?'

'No, I didn't tell her about what happened.'

'Any of it?'

'No.'

'Oh Naomi,' Gina sighed, a hint of disappointment in her voice. Naomi scowled.

'Don't do that.'

'Do what?'

'Have pity on me,' she snapped. 'Sound disappointed. I thought I was doing the right thing.'

'By _lying_ to her?' Gina asked.

'Don't you fucking start,' Naomi said, pausing to compose herself, but the tears had already formed and a lump now sat in the back of her throat. 'I've had it up to here with Emily and Charlie and now you. I tried my best to do the right thing; I tried to keep everyone happy. I didn't expect the whole thing to bite me on the fucking arse and you sounding disappointed isn't going to help me fix this fucking mess.'

'It's okay,' Gina assured her, reaching a hand out to Naomi's shoulder and rubbing it caringly. 'Naomi, love, calm down. Whatever's happened, we can fix it.'

'How?' she cried, her body shaking with tears that seemed to keep flowing. She wiped at her wet cheeks with her fingers, wishing the gutting feeling would disappear. She was supposed to be happy; she'd got her mother back, she was close to getting her life back. But there was just too much yet to make right. 'How do you expect us to fix it? Charlie and I were engaged, she was so happy and then Emily turned up and saw us and now she thinks I'm the worst person in the fucking world.'

Naomi recoiled into Gina's comforting arms, her fingers wrapped tightly around the back of her clothing. She clung to her, trembling uncontrollably with the pain and guilt she'd never been able to let go of. No matter how much she tried to fix her life, she'd never be able to make everyone happy. Charlie was going to miss out because she needed Emily more, if she even wanted her. Then there was Cook. She'd been living under some illusion that her whole life could one day return to normal, but that wasn't true. Cook would never be coming back and she hadn't allowed herself to deal with that grief.

'I'm sure that's not entirely true,' Gina tried, but her comforting words fell on deaf ears.

'I slept with Emily,' Naomi said, rattling off her recent mistakes. 'I've always been in love with Emily and Charlie didn't even know that I knew her.'

'You keep talking about Emily, what's she got to do with this?'

'She goes to my uni,' she whispered, pulling away with a confused look on her face.

'You're at uni?'

'I, I graduated last year.'

'Oh.'

'What's wrong?'

'Nothing.'

It didn't take a genius to realise what was the problem. She hadn't even thought about it until then. Her mother didn't know anything about her life; she didn't know of her academic success or her job, she didn't know that Emily had come back into her life and that was how the whole mess had escalated. The last thing she needed was for Gina to lose it when she couldn't even look after her own emotions.

'You're sounding all depressed or something.'

'I've missed so much,' she noted, with tears in her eyes. Naomi rubbed her temple with her left hand, she couldn't deal with this. Her head had begun pounding from the tears. 'It would have been nice to see you in your cap and gown getting your degree.'

'Christ mum, are you freaking out now too?' she snapped, rolling her eyes as the tears continued flowing. 'For fuck's sake, I don't need this. I'm so fucking sick of everyone wanting a piece of me. Haven't I been through enough?'

'You're not the only one who's been through a hard time Naomi,' Gina pointed out, something which hit Naomi harder than she'd ever expected it to. Gina was always a point of strength, someone who would say a lot with very little. She'd never been very good at taking her criticism. '_We_ lost you; it would do you well to remember that.'

'Jesus,' she sobbed, knowing that everything Gina said was true, knowing that it mattered just as much as everything Naomi had told her. She just wasn't ready to hear it. 'Why is this all suddenly about you?'

'Stop being petulant Naomi,' Gina scolded. 'I thought I was never going to see you again. You were my _only_ child and I'd _lost_ you. Do you understand the pain that caused me?'

Everything had already piled on top of her until she could barely breathe from the pressure. She didn't want to get angry at Gina, not when she just wanted to curl up in her arms and never leave, but she couldn't control the boiling pot.

'Yes, I fucking understand,' she stood up, shouting louder than she'd intended. 'You did a fucking good job replacing me didn't you?'

'That is not fair,' Gina reprimanded. 'Greg has done nothing to deserve that. Kieran and I talked about having a child before everything even happened. When I came back from Ireland I was going to talk to you about Kieran and I trying to get pregnant, we delayed it for eighteen months because I couldn't get over losing you. Whatever you may think Naomi, Greg has not and will never replace you.'

'He's called Greg?' she whispered, sobering up as she remembered the little face she'd seen on the picture. How could she get angry about a child? Gina was right, Gina was _always_ right. He'd done nothing wrong. She sat back down and began to cry again.

'He might have been my only surviving child,' Gina said, a noticeable hint of tears in her voice. 'But every single day I thought about you and I told him about his big sister.'

'You have?'

Gina nodded with a proud smile, her eyes glistening. 'He can pick you out of photographs; I made sure that he would always know who you were. He's very intelligent. I'm not sure where he got that from. Kieran has less common sense than pairs of boxers and that's before I bought him twenty pairs for his birthday. I wanted him to know who you were even though he was never going to meet you because you'll always be my whole world.'

'I'm sorry,' Naomi sobbed, falling into Gina's arms once more. She didn't think she'd ever be able to say it enough, but she meant it. 'I want to go home; I want you to take me home.'

'To your flat?'

'No, Bristol.'


	25. Standing Strong

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thanks as always everybody! Busy week, this is nearly finished, only got another 3/4 more chapters left I think. I hope it's okay, let me know.

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

The reality of the situation Emily found herself in was not that Naomi had cheated, she couldn't be sure that she had, _on her _anyway. It was that Naomi had crumbled so slowly in front of her and she hadn't even noticed. The relationship, if it could even be called that, had never been healthy. Emily regretted coming off the medication she'd been on before arriving in Manchester because it meant she'd been unable to control her emotions when Naomi came back into her life. Emotions that she now tied intrinsically to Naomi herself. She'd be upset and angry that Naomi wasn't in fact dead, but did that really stretch to the deep seeded issues she'd come to accept as her own? What she hadn't realised in the weeks that followed, was that Naomi's mental state had been almost as fragile as her own. She'd lost the love of her life to suicide (whether it no longer was the case or not, that's what had caused her pain). Naomi had watched someone she loved be brutally murdered, even Emily didn't think she could come back from that easily and _she'd_ been in and out of support organisations. What it all came down to was the fact that Emily had dealt with the past, what she hadn't dealt with was losing Naomi.

Not knowing about Charlie hurt, but she couldn't live in the past, only remembering the Naomi who cheated on her. She was a different person now. She was stronger; she just hadn't been able to see it. Having Naomi return to her life had not been a step backwards; it was just a choppy wave in a sea that had become calm. The foundation she'd built her new life upon had been rocked and that scared her. Only, she wasn't scared about what the future would hold, she was scared that she would have to rediscover the anger she'd felt towards Naomi and locked up inside. What Naomi had done to Charlie could never be compared to what she'd once done to Emily. Had Emily never met Charlie on a more personal level, she imagined the blow wouldn't have been quite as painful or hard to take. After all, the biggest issue with Naomi keeping Charlie a secret was that Emily had never even considered the fact that Naomi's life may already be full.

Once Charlie had woken up, made her apologetic excuses and left, Emily had a shower. The speed of the last few days and everything in it, she couldn't quite remember when she'd last washed her hair. The water streamed down on her head, soaking her within seconds. Sometimes she really hated showering; it took too long out of her day, she hated feeling cold and having to dry her hair afterwards was a chore she could live without. Other times, the hot water splashing over her, warming up every inch of her skin right down to her toes was a pleasure she wondered how she could hate as much as she did. As she brushed out her hair, drying it roughly with a towel, she paused at what she thought was the sound of a knock coming from the hallway. She carried on drying her hair, brushing it through once again before the knock became louder and more apparent.

'Emily Fitch, you open this door right now.'

Hearing her mother's voice could be compared to Janice in Friends. The mere thought of it made her cringe, but hearing her made her whole body shake with the mere of doing something wrong. How she could have done anything wrong when she lived nearly an hour's drive away from her, she was yet to find out. She gathered the towel back around her bare skin and tucked it in tightly.

'Mum,' Emily greeted with a smile on her face, a smile she didn't really feel but made happen anyway. Once the door had been pushed fully open by her forceful mother, Emily could see that Katie stood sheepishly behind her. She sent her a death stare which quickly turned back into a smile.

'Katie tells me that Naomi isn't dead after all?'

'Well,' Emily began, but she was quickly interrupted.

'So she's up to her usual tricks, cheating on you with some girl who's supposed to be looking out for your best interests?'

'It's not,' she tried again, unsuccessfully.

'I'm going to have to have a word with the head of the English department. This is not on Emily; they are supposed to be supporting you.'

'It's not their fault,' Emily shouted, looking to Katie with all the frustration she had left, most of which belonged to their mother.

'She's right mum,' Katie defended her, too little too late as far as she was concerned. Katie had betrayed her. She'd asked her not to go to the police about Naomi and then she'd told their mum as well. As if her freedom hadn't already been stolen for long enough; she wasn't sure she could handle another stint at Casa Fitch.

'Don't you dare come to her assistance young lady; you're in enough trouble for keeping this from your father and me in the first place.'

'But mum,' Katie began, but Jenna had already turned back to Emily and had begun fussing with her hair.

The whole day was turning into a nightmare. Not only had she had to deal with Charlie, but now she was faced with her family's squabbles. She hadn't asked for her life to become more complicated and she certainly didn't want it. Could she ever get a moment's peace?

'I thought when we get home; we could book you an appointment at the hairdressers,' Jenna smiled, pushing a few strands of wet hair back behind Emily's ears. 'There's a lovely lady on Bark Street who does, _your_ sort of hair.'

'_My sort_ of hair?' Emily scoffed, rolling her eyes at the persistence of Jenna. It had been a while since she'd last come across her homophobic language, the subtle remarks that branded her as different.

'You know, _lesbians_, she knows all the best styles. I told her that you'd suit it short.'

'I don't want it short.'

'You don't know what you want.'

'Yes, I fucking do and what I want is to stay here and finish my degree.'

The battle had begun and Emily could feel herself losing already. If there was anything Jenna was famous for, it was her ability to persuade anyone to do anything. Five minutes in a room with George Bush and she doubted either of the Iraq wars would have gone ahead. Then there was Hitler, after deciding they agreed with each other about homosexuality, she imagined Jenna would have been able to persuade him to just gas those who dared go against their parents.

'You've only just started Emily, if you leave now we won't have to pay all the fees. I was speaking to the English department at Liverpool John Moore's; they might be able to squeeze you in.'

'When did you have time for that?'

'Whilst your father booked us some train tickets. Now run along and pack your bags, you might want to get changed too.'

'I said,' Emily spoke clearly. 'I'm _not_ going.'

'You'll do as you're told.'

'No, I fucking won't.'


	26. Nothing and Nobody

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you to **shewritesforher, CrashKill, Reddawg82 **and **KeffyRules **for reviewing the last chapter...did I scare everyone else away? Sorry! Please come back, I miss you.

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

'This is home?' Gina asked, glancing around the small apartment.

'No,' Naomi replied, shaking her head and staring at Gina with downturned eyes. 'This is just where I've been staying.'

Home is where the heart is. Naomi had always rolled her eyes at the cushions in gift shops with those words on or whenever anyone said it. She just didn't realise how true it really was. She'd lived in Manchester for a long period of her life and whilst she may have called it home, she didn't feel like it was. Home would always be that small house in Bristol which smelled of fruity teas and burnt toast. She missed Gina sitting her down in the kitchen with a plate of Garibaldi's and a mug of whatever concoction of tea she wanted her to try that day. She even missed Kieran.

'It's a nice place,' Gina said, though the air was filled with awkward silences they were hovering between.

'I'll go get my things,' Naomi mumbled, rushing off into the bedroom before Gina could say anything more.

They'd never had so little to say to each other for as long as Naomi could remember. Even in her moody teenage years she'd managed to crack a smile and talk about her day. She wondered if it was her own fault, for feeling so empty and emotionless. Everything she'd felt had become too much so that now she just felt numb.

'Is there anything out here that you need?' Gina shouted from the lounge and she searched her shattered memories for anything she might not want to leave behind.

There was nothing.

She couldn't put an emotional attachment on anything in the flat, except for the box in her wardrobe. She placed some clothes into a small suitcase along with that box and returned to the lounge. Gina had already made herself at home in the kitchen with a box of tea she must have brought with her.

'Thought we could use a drink before we head back.'

'I want to go,' Naomi said, cautious of the time it was taking in leaving.

She couldn't remember what Charlie was doing that day, or even what day it actually was; which meant at any moment she could come home and find them there. That was the last thing she wanted, to face the woman she regretted ever allowing into her life. She felt sad because deep down she really did love Charlie and under any other circumstance, she'd have been lucky to marry her. She'd just royally fucked it up.

'Sit down and have some tea,' Gina demanded, in that forceful motherly voice she'd only used a handful of times in their lives. It settled her somewhat as she slouched onto a chair at the table.

'I want to go before Charlie gets home,' she informed her, deciding that honesty would be important now, after everything.

'Have you spoken to her since she found out?'

'No.'

Gina returned her attention to her mug of tea, which she sipped slowly. Naomi watched her warily as she took a vow of silence.

'Just fucking say it.'

'Don't you think you owe her the truth?'

'I don't owe her anything,' she tried, but even she didn't believe her words. Gina raised an eyebrow and chewed on a biscuit. Sometimes she'd hated how often she was right.

Naomi took a biscuit out of the packet and ate it hungrily, following it up with a second, third and fourth. She couldn't believe how hungry she still was, her body had stopped telling her she needed to eat, yet the second food touched her lips it was reminded of the fact.

'Best leave room for Kieran's Spaghetti Bolognese, if we don't get back too late.'

'How is he?' Naomi asked, desperate for a distraction from all of the thoughts dancing around her brain. She was sick and tired of thinking and feeling; she just wanted to forget everything.

'He's well; he's taken to fatherhood like a feminist to lesbianism.'

They shared a smile and though Naomi didn't quite feel the way she made out, a bubble of happiness grew inside her chest. She'd always liked Kieran and was happy that her mother hadn't been completely alone for the last few years. That would have broken her heart beyond the damage that had already been done.

'And my brother? I still can't believe I have a brother.'

'When I left him and his dad had fallen asleep in front of the television, he's a mummy's boy really and definitely like you. Garibaldi's are still a staple in our house.'

'Christ, I've not had one of those in forever.'

The front door opened loudly, squealing on its hinges until it had been pushed shut again. Naomi tensed up, her fingers crushing the biscuit in her hand as she was forced to face everything she just wanted to run away from. How could she ever explain what had happened?

'Oh,' Charlie gasped, stopping in the middle of the open plan room, her bag falling from her hand onto the wooden floor.

Eventually Naomi stood up at the table, after a long silence. She looked to Gina for help, for answers, but got nothing back. She couldn't handle this, she couldn't face everything she'd put Charlie through. Tears filled her eyes within seconds.

'You must be Charlie,' Gina smiled, walking across the room to shake her hand. Naomi watched as Charlie furrowed her brow at her mother, the whole situation was bizarre.

'Charlie,' Naomi whispered, finally finding her voice as she brushed the crumbs off her hands. 'I, I came, this is my mum.'

'We're going back to Bristol,' Gina said, filling in the blanks when it became apparent that Naomi couldn't say anything more. Her hands shook. 'Naomi thought it would be a good idea if you two sat down and had a talk before she leaves.'

Sometimes she loved Gina for her double standards. The woman who convinced her to stay to talk to Charlie was now lying for her. She shook her head and wiped the tears from her eyes as she moved towards Charlie.

'No, I didn't,' she uttered. 'Mum thought I should, I was going to leave because that's what I do. I run away.'

'You can keep on going then,' Charlie announced, stoically.

'Mum's right though, I owe you the truth. I owe you so much more than the truth, but I can't take back everything that's happened.'

Charlie's eyes glazed over with the onset of tears, something that Naomi recognised from the countless times she'd seen her fall apart. The sight shocked her because despite the odd argument, she'd never been the reason for her tears. She'd always been the one to pick her back up.

'What I did to you is the worst thing I could have possibly done.'

'Worst thing?' Charlie scoffed, staring at Naomi, gobsmacked.

'Please, Charlie, just let me speak. I need to explain.'

Everything she'd done had already made her feel bad enough, now she just needed a chance to put it right. She'd never hurt Charlie before and though this was more than a small issue, she hoped she'd at least give her a few minutes to make amends.

'Explain what? You lied to me. You're not the person I thought you were and you fucked someone else behind my back. You don't need to fucking do anything Naomi, except leave.'

'You don't mean that,' she cried. 'I know you don't mean that.'

'Don't I? Fucking hell Naomi, you must have banged your head because I don't ever want to see you again. You,' she paused, choking back tears. 'You broke my heart and there's nothing you will ever say that will change that.'

'You were my everything,' Naomi tried, struggling with every breath.

'Your everything, until Emily arrived.'

The truth hurt. She knew that more than ever now. Not only had the truth of her lies hurt Charlie and their relationship, but Charlie's words stung. She wished she could argue back, defend herself further, but she knew that she deserved every second of the pain.

'Okay, yes,' she nodded. 'You're right, you're so fucking right and I hate that because I didn't want you to get caught up in this mess. I wanted to be with you because you're a beautiful, amazing woman. I'd be lucky to have you in my life. You may not have been the first person I thought about when I woke up in the morning, except when you already had your tongue on my clit.'

'Fuck off Naomi, no; I don't want you to talk about that. I don't even want to think about it.'

Charlie's eyes travelled over her shoulder and it was only then that she remembered Gina was still in the room with them. Her cheeks flushed and she let out a sigh. Somehow she just kept messing up.

'I know, okay?' and she did know, she saw what Charlie saw. A mess, everything they'd known slipping away. 'I know that I was your family and that was important to me. You were everything to me and I was everything to you. It mattered that I could be there for you because I know how hard it is to be alone.'

'No you don't, you chose to be alone Naomi, you fucking chose to live like this. Do you think I wanted my mum to die? Do you think I wanted to be without either of my parents before I even turned twenty-one? You don't know the meaning of the word alone. You just think you do.'

'Please, Charlie,' Naomi sobbed, reaching a hand out to her arm, hoping to comfort her. She'd never seen her so broken and never been able to help before. It broke her heart to see her like that, more than she could have ever imagined.

'No, just,' Charlie stepped back, holding her hands up in protest. 'Don't fucking touch me.'

Naomi covered her face as the tears consumed her entire body. How could she make such a mess? How could she have allowed it to get this far?

'You'll never understand what it's like to be me. You'll never understand how hard, how fucking hard it is to realise that right now I have _nothing_,' the word hung in the air, hitting Naomi repeatedly like darts. She'd always known Charlie had very few people in life, sometimes she forgot just how lonely she really was. 'Losing you, I can handle it Naomi, I can handle not having a girlfriend in my life because I can't even bear to look at you right now. What I can't handle is the fact that I have _nobody_. I had to go to _Emily_ last night because I had no one else to turn to.'

'I'm sorry,' Naomi cried, choking on tears as she crumbled, her knees weakened as she gripped onto the kitchen counter.

'I know.'

'Please,' she wiped at her eyes, unsuccessfully. 'Please just tell me what I can do to make this better.'

'You still don't understand, do you?' Charlie asked, wiping her own face and staring her in the eye. 'Nothing will make this better, nothing will fix this. I came here with nothing and that's how I'm going to leave in a few months. So pack your fucking bags and go back to Bristol because there's nothing here for you anymore.'

The world stopped turning and Naomi allowed her legs to give way. She crumbled to the ground as Charlie left the room, her whole body shaking with tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't think it could possibly get any worse than that moment, than hearing Charlie say the things she had. After a few moments, a faint voice whispered her name and she could feel an arm wrap around her waist.

'I fucked everything up so badly mum,' she wept, struggling to walk across the room, supported mostly by Gina.

'I know, I know,' Gina muttered, her voice soothing as it reached her ears. But even that wasn't enough to make everything okay again.

They climbed into the car, her suitcase pushed into the backseat and they began the drive down the road away from the city centre.

'Are you sure you want to go home?'

'Yes,' Naomi nodded, blowing her nose into a tissue and tying her hair back with a bobble. 'I don't deserve this, _you_, I don't fucking deserve it.'

'Whether you do or not, I'll always be here,' Gina whispered, cupping her cheek and flashing her a smile. 'I think there's somewhere else we need to stop off before we go.'

'Where?'

'You need to see Emily.'

'No,' Naomi shook her head. 'I can't, I don't have the energy.'

'You need to see Emily,' Gina repeated.

She was right. She was always right. Nothing Naomi could say or do would change that fact. She could have been rocking back and forth in the corner of a room and still her mother would have suggested they make one final stop.


	27. You're Free

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thanks to all who have reviewed and are still here reading! I'm having a tough time at the moment so I have been a bit on/off with updating, sorry about that. This is the second to last chapter, next one is the finale.

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

'What are you doing?' Emily asked, walking into her bedroom to retrieve her phone. Only, when she opened the door her suitcase lay open on the bed, her clothes being transferred from her drawers by Jenna.

'You've been sat around this flat long enough. I won't wait any longer. You're coming home and since you won't pack your bags, I will have to do it for you.'

'No,' Emily shouted, piling up her clothes and carrying them back towards the chest of drawers.

She wasn't going to let her mother boss her around, she just wouldn't do it. She didn't want to leave and she wasn't going to let Jenna make her.

'Stop that,' Jenna snarled, her venomous tongue coming out even more dangerous than usual.

'I won't fucking stop it. This is my home.'

'So you're quite happy to live here on your own, without anyone. Without your family or, even that Campbell girl?'

Emily rolled her eyes. The whole thing was a fucking joke; her mother became more absurd the further time passed since she came out as gay. She rested a hand on her hip, aghast at her so called parent's behaviour.

'Her name is Naomi, why is it so fucking hard for you to say it after all these years?'

'She is no good for you Emily. She ruined your life once and she'll do it again if you let her.'

The clothes became a battle which seemed impossible to end. As Jenna transferred some into the case, Emily would take them out again. Until they stood there with a pile between them, their hands on either side.

'Let go, Emily,' Jenna said, warning her. She wasn't afraid though. Once upon a time she would have let go and given in. Now she couldn't see any other way.

'You're never going to understand it, are you mum?' Emily asked, letting go of the clothes. There was no point fighting anymore. Let her think she was winning; it wouldn't do much trying to stop her anymore.

'I understand it perfectly well. That bitch has ruined my little girl over and over again. I will not allow it to happen, not this time.'

The woman, with her snake-like venom stared her down, fighting 'til the death like she always did. If you didn't let her win, she made it happen. It was very rare that any of them didn't give up quickly and that threw her. Emily's lips curled at the sides, she wasn't going to be defeated, not now. Not again.

'You think that by leaving me alone I'm going to fall apart? That I can't survive on my own. Well, you're wrong.'

'You haven't done it for four years,' Jenna defended, concern etched on her face. 'What makes you think you can do it now?'

'I could have done it years ago if you'd just let me. But you wouldn't, you just fight and fight until no one can be bothered to fight anymore. I need to stand on my own two feet sometime.'

'Not now Emily, you're not strong enough.'

Strength seemed to be measured by what Jenna thought to be true, rather than what was. The battle between truth and Jenna's version of it had become lifelong and Emily wasn't sure she had the energy to persevere. On the other hand, she couldn't give up the fight, not when she'd already come so far.

'That's where you're wrong,' she said, assertively. 'I've never felt stronger. The past few months have been hell, but I've survived. Don't you see? What happened to Naomi is what tore me apart, knowing the truth; I don't have to be afraid to live alone anymore.'

'But you need me,' Jenna whispered, running her fingers along Emily's cheek, brushing her hair back behind her ear. 'You need me to look after you.'

'No,' Emily snapped, slapping her hand away and sending her an equally venomous glare. 'I don't need you.'

'Yes, you do,' Jenna said, her eyes downturned and her chin wavering. Her eyelids closed and a couple of tear drops feel down onto her cheeks.

Sometimes a rare moment happened where Emily could see her mother's flaws and knew she'd almost won. Sometimes she put on an act to win, other times she genuinely couldn't handle what was being thrown at her. Emily's throat hurt from the onset of tears.

'Yes,' Emily muttered, letting out a sigh. 'You're my mum, I'll always need you.'

'Good,' Jenna nodded, wiping her tears, patting Emily's shoulder and putting the pile of clothes back into the suitcase.

'Wait,' Emily said, gripping her wrist tightly. She didn't want to hurt her, but she needed her to listen. 'I'm not going with you.'

'But Emily,' She shook her head.

'I need you mum, just as much as Katie and James, just as much as anyone needs their mum in their life. But you have to let me go; you have to let me try to be okay on my own.'

'But you're not strong enough.'

'Maybe,' she said, smiling weakly. 'Maybe I can't do this, but maybe I can. There's only a few weeks until the holidays. I'll come home then and if I can't handle it, I'll come home before.'

'But.'

'You have to let me go.'

'You need to do it mum,' Katie interrupted from the doorway. 'She needs us to stop suffocating her.'

The room grew smaller and more intense as Jenna stared from one daughter to the other. Emily watched her cautiously, never too sure if she would listen or carry on with her usual routine of I'm right.

'Okay,' Jenna nodded, her eyes growing moist with tears. Emily reached out a hand and wiped them away, kissing her lightly on the cheek before wrapping her arms around her shoulders and pushing her face into the crook of her neck.

'I promise you, I'll be okay.'

'I want you to call me, every day,' Jenna smiled, pulling back from the hug.

'I'll call you twice a week and text you every other day,' she bargained.

'Okay,' she agreed, easier than Emily expected. 'If I don't hear from you I'll send your dad to get you.'

'Or you could wait a couple of days and if I've still not rang, send Katie,' she tried again, hopeful that for the first time, she was getting through to her overbearing mother.

'I'm gonna be coming every weekend anyway,' Katie grinned from the doorway, before joining them, sitting down on the bed beside Jenna.

'You are?'

'I didn't go to uni because I didn't want to do the work. Doesn't mean I don't want to go to all the parties. How do you think I meet all my boyfriends now?'

They were abruptly interrupted by a gentle knocking on the door, Emily frowned at her sister. The only people who ever came over were her family, unless you counted the impromptu visit from Charlie and the time Naomi had stayed. She didn't expect it was either of them.

'I'm going to go answer that, please can you put my clothes back in my drawers?'

'I'll help,' Katie smiled as Emily closed the bedroom door behind her.

When she reached the door the knock grew louder, she hesitated when a sarcastic, familiar voice sounded on the other side.

'Best idea ever, she's not even in.'

'Shut up Naomi,' a second voice argued.

Hearing Gina was enough to make Emily open the door all by itself; she couldn't be sure how she felt about Naomi turning up at the flat. Too much was happening at once. She took a deep breath, pushed all her confidence and bravery to the forefront so that she could open the door.

'Gina,' she grinned, reaching out and pulling her into a hug.

'Oh Emily, it's lovely to see you,' Gina grinned, holding her at arm's length. Emily glanced over her shoulder towards Naomi, who stared up from her lowered head with bug eyes, laced with sadness.

'It's nice to see you too, I should have contacted you, after,' she mumbled, still looking to Naomi.

'Nonsense, you had a lot going on. Can we come in? Where's the kitchen? I'll make tea.'

'Who is it?' Jenna shouted from the bedroom before the door was opened swiftly. Jenna stared at Gina and Naomi, her eyes growing in venom once more.

'Would you like some tea? I was just about to brew a pot,' Gina announced, as though it was the most natural thing in the world to speak so kindly to a woman staring at her.

'Oh, I, okay,' Jenna stuttered, stumbling over her words at the other woman's kindness.

'This way?' Gina asked, pointing towards the living area and finding the kitchen within seconds and mumbling to herself as she searched cupboards. 'Lovely.'

'We'll go help, won't we mum?' Katie made their excuses and dragged Jenna into the lounge, not allowing for any arguments. Sometimes Katie was too much like their mother, other times it came in handy.

'What, what are you doing here?' Emily said, her lips growing dry and the words catching in her throat.

'I don't know,' Naomi mumbled, staring at her feet, something she'd never really seen her do before.

'You don't know?' Emily frowned, looking at Naomi with confusion. How could she not know why she was there?

'Mum made me come.'

'Oh.'

Something about the situation shouldn't have surprised Emily in the slightest. Naomi had changed in many ways and yet, hidden underneath the surface was the same frightened girl she met at school.

'I'm going home, to Bristol.'

'Right,' Emily nodded.

She could think of little else to say. Naomi didn't want to be there, further proved by her soon to be departure. She nodded her head, not saying a word as she tried to ignore Naomi's lip resting beneath a tooth. If she hadn't been so frustrated at that moment, she would probably have pulled her into a kiss. After everything, she couldn't not want to feel close to her. Instead she turned around, muttered a faint goodbye and closed the bedroom door behind her.

'Emily,' Naomi called after her, pushing the door open and standing there with tears in her eyes.

'What do you want?' Emily growled, paying close attention to the curtains blowing slightly from the breeze of her slightly open window. She moved to close it but Naomi stopped her, her hand resting on her elbow like it had so many times before. Her breath hitched in her throat.

'I came because I couldn't leave without seeing you.'

'Oh,' Emily muttered, swallowing a lump that had formed in the back of her throat. She couldn't be sure what it meant, didn't want to get her hopes up, or read too much into it.

'I'm sorry.'

Naomi's voice came out small and broken, as though she couldn't find her confidence. Emily had never felt such pain that she knew belonged to Naomi. Her eyes continued to fill with tears and her cheeks stained quickly by the rolling tear drops.

'Everything I've done has hurt you. I didn't mean for it to happen but I can't keep pretending that I didn't do it. It's my fault; everything is my fault and I'm sorry that you ever met me.'

'No,' she replied, painfully aware of the hand now wrapped around her hip. 'It's okay, it can be okay now.'

Emily held Naomi's cheeks, her thumb brushing the sides of her mouth right across to the centre of her lips. She thought about kissing her, reaching out with her open mouth and the desire she couldn't stop yearning for Naomi.

'No, it's not. It can't be.'

'But I love you.'

'I love you just as much.' Naomi closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Emily's, their lips sitting inches apart. 'I can't be who you need me to be. I never could.'

'That's not true. You're all I've ever wanted.'

'I can't.'

'But.'

Emily's heart thumped in her chest, the noise was deafening as she tried to find some calm. She didn't want to think of what Naomi was saying, yet she couldn't stop herself from wanting to listen to her talking for the rest of her life.

'Right now, I need to be alone. I need to go home. I need to meet my little brother and I need to find out who I am.'

'You have a brother?' Naomi nodded. 'What about me?'

'I don't know. But you need to do everything you should have been doing over the last four years. I can't replace that time. I can't give you back the years you lost. All I can do now is make sure you get on with life, without me holding you back.'

'You wouldn't do that.'

'Emily, I'm in no position to take care of myself and be in a relationship. I need time and I want you to have the best university life you can get. You deserve it.'

'But I want you.'

A moment of panic washed over Emily until she could barely breath, her lips almost touching Naomi's as she stared her straight in the eye.

'I want you too. We just don't need each other right now.'

'Right now?' she asked, running her fingers across the sides of Naomi's face.

'After uni you could come see me in Bristol, if you like.'

'Okay.'

There was sadness, so much sadness that spilled over the edges of her heart. She didn't want this, not really. She wanted Naomi, she needed Naomi. Even if deep down she knew she was right, so fucking right that it made her want to scream. She allowed their lips to touch, only briefly before Naomi started talking again.

'Don't wait for me though, yeah?'

'What if I want to?'

What if she wanted to spend the next few years thinking and dreaming of Naomi? Eating everything she loved and sleeping in the pig t-shirt she'd somehow accumulated all those years ago. After being without her for so long, she didn't think she wanted to forget about her now.

'Don't. Live Emily, live your life and I'll live mine and if in a few years we're in the same place, maybe things can change.'

'I don't know if I can live without you again.'

'You've done it before Emily, you can do it again. I need to go fix my life before I can even think about being in yours, or anyone else's.'

'I love you,' she gasped, her throat closing up as she choked back tears. Everything she'd always wanted was standing in front of her, about to slip away once more.

'I'll always love you, but I can't love you right now.'

'I know,' she nodded, allowing tears to fall down her cheeks.

'I'm sorry.'

'I know you are.'

'Make the most of your life, yeah?'

'Yeah.'

They were both crying, tears floating so easily down their cheeks, mixing together as they shared a kiss. It was intense, so fucking intense that Emily wished she could have gone to sleep and never woken up in that moment; just to keep her going for as long as she needed.

'Goodbye,' Emily whispered as Naomi pulled out of the kiss and stepped away.

'It's not goodbye,' she replied with a soft smile as she walked across the hallway and lounge and returned with Gina by her side.

'Don't be a stranger,' Gina smiled and hugged her briefly before they walked out of the flat.

Emily stood there, motionless, speechless as she watched them disappear from her life once again. She turned and there Katie stood with her arms outstretched, close enough for her to fall into them easily. Jenna wrapped herself around Emily's back and kissed her head like she always did when they were children. They held her, comforted her and sat her down on the sofa with a cup of Gina's tea.

'We should go back to Liverpool,' Jenna suggested, never quite giving up.

'I'll be okay,' she whispered. 'It's hard, but it'll be okay.'

'I worry,' Jenna noted, brushing her hair back from her tearstained cheeks.

'I know but I can't keep relying on you or even Naomi. We need to live our lives, that's what Naomi wants, that's why she's leaving. She wants me to live for me for the first time in my entire life and she needs to live for her. I can do this, I don't need you protecting me anymore.'


	28. Bristol Bound

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: Thank you to **reddawg82**, **monkeypen**, **shewritesforher**, **Abnab**, **LoveNAOMILY**, **lynou12001**, **KeffyRules**, **smcl **and **Andreathewriter **for the reviews! It's always lovely to know what people think of my writing/stories. At the end of the day, I can't change things that aren't going well, if people don't tell me about them, so I appreciate your comments. Thanks to everyone for reading.

I lied in the last chapter, this isn't the final one...well, when I wrote the last one, this was going to be the final chapter. But then I realised the story began on Emily and her story didn't really get fully wrapped up. So I'm going to have to write one more chapter to tie up loose ends. Please leave a comment.

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

The long drive lasted well into the night and Naomi barely remembered nodding off. As she sat there, slipping into unconsciousness, she vaguely recalled feeling guilty that Gina had to drive all by herself. Then all thoughts disappeared and she was left in a state of calm, relaxed in body and in mind. For the first few hours she dreamt of Emily, of her red tresses, her chocolate brown eyes and her husky voice. She dreamt about all the things she loved from Emily's lips playfully teasing the skin beneath her ear to her fingers circling her thighs. When she woke up, Gina was staring at her with an elated expression.

'What?' she croaked, rolling her eyes at her mother's cheery response to her usual just woken, grumpy tone. She'd meant it to sound as irritable as it came out, Gina on the other hand, didn't seem to care.

'It's nice having you back,' she mumbled, cautiously. Naomi simply rolled her eyes again and curled her jacket up on the window to support her head. 'It's also nice to know you still love Emily as much as you always did.'

'Who says I love Emily as much as I always did?' she asked, opening her previously closed eyes.

'You did.'

'I didn't say anything, I was asleep.'

'Doesn't mean you didn't say anything,' Gina noted with a smirk. Naomi let out a groan and closed her eyes again, only to be disturbed once more. 'I think you did the right thing.'

'Going seeing her under duress?' Naomi asked, wracking her brain for any reason why it was the right thing.

'No,' Gina said, turning to Naomi briefly before refocusing on her driving. 'Letting her go, letting _you_ go.'

'I'm a fucking mess, what else could I do?'

'You could have been selfish.'

'What the fuck am I doing if I'm not being selfish?' Naomi gasped, shaking her head.

'You're doing the right thing. You both need time; anyone with half a brain can see that.'

The right thing. She'd thought all along that her actions had been the right thing; that faking her death and moving away would make everything better for everyone. The more time passed, the less convinced she was that the right thing had been right at all. Sometimes she knew that what she did was her only option at the time, other times, she just wanted to reverse every decision she'd made since she was twelve years old.

'She didn't look happy about it though,' Naomi whispered, trying hard to block out the image of tears on Emily's cheeks. If she'd known things would end this way, she'd have done everything she could have to stop it sooner, to ensure that she didn't hurt Emily again.

'She'll be okay, in time, you both will,' Gina assured her. 'What you need to do now is forgive yourself.'

The rest of the journey continued in near silence. Naomi closed her eyes and aimed to go back to sleep, unsuccessfully. She sat there with her eyes closed, breathing deeply. She didn't feel much like talking anymore, was more than happy to allow Gina to think she was asleep, if only to maintain her own peace and quiet.

They pulled up outside their house a few hours later, a house that looked no different to Naomi than the last time she'd seen it. Except this time Cook wasn't going to be lay bleeding in the middle of the hallway and Foster wasn't going to chase her out into the street.

'I can't do this,' she muttered, holding onto the wall for support as her knees weakened.

'You can do anything,' Gina told her, whispering it in her ear as she wrapped an arm around her waist. 'I'll be right here.'

'He died here mum,' she informed her, tears breaking in between her voice like a biscuit crumbling. 'Cook died here.'

'Oh.'

She tried her best to keep her emotions steady, to not fall apart like she'd already done enough times in the last forty-eight hours. She didn't think she had any energy left to do so again.

'I watched it happen and I couldn't stop it and then I thought I was going to die too,' she cried, finding Gina's arms more a support than comfort. 'How can I go in there?'

'You'll go in there because you have no other option,' Gina whispered, stroking back a strand of hair which clung to the tears on her face.

'Don't leave me,' Naomi sobbed, clinging to her side like a child desperate to keep their mum with them on the first day of nursery school.

'I'm not going anywhere.'

They walked down the path and into the house, each footstep slow and cautious until they reached the stairs. The scene of the crime was gone; the places of painful memories were removed from view.

'Goodnight mum,' Naomi said, with a tiny whisper as she opened the bedroom door. Gina kissed her cheek and held her tightly, a small sob escaping her lips as she left her be.

A couple of lamps she'd had as a teenager lit up the room, showing off the same bed, the same wardrobe still overflowing with her clothes and a chest of drawers still holding an alarm clock flashing seven in the morning. Naomi fumbled about behind the drawers and unplugged it, something she'd done countless times and though she hadn't done it for years, it felt familiar. The bed sheets had to have been changed. She couldn't remember what bedding had been there before she left, but the sheets were crisp and smelled of washing powder and fabric softener. She stripped off and slid under the covers, the feel of fresh sheets so wonderful against her skin. She lay in the dark, staring up at the ceiling for barely a couple of minutes before she could feel her eyes falling. It didn't matter how much sleep she'd already had, she still managed to go quickly into a dreamless slumber.

The next morning, Naomi woke up to the sound of a child laughing and squealing. She creased her eyebrows and tried to remember what was going on. She rubbed her eyes and felt out across the bed for someone to hold, but her hand only found more bedding. She opened her eyes and leant her head back against the pillow as everything she'd momentarily forgotten came to the forefront of her attention.

'Greg,' she mumbled, testing the name out on her tongue, finding it flowing naturally like Naomi and Gina had for many years before.

'Not in there,' Kieran shouted as her bedroom door banged open and a little boy appeared, identical to the photographs she'd seen the day before.

'Nom,' he squealed, his mouth open wide as Kieran scooped him into his arms.

'Sorry love,' he apologised and tickled the little boy playfully.

'Da, it's Nom,' Greg pointed to Naomi with a toothy grin as he kicked his way out of his dad's arms.

'Let's leave her alone for a little while,' Kieran muttered, lifting Greg up by the back of his trousers and throwing him carefully over his shoulder. 'Naomi's just got home, she needs some rest. We'll see her properly later.'

He sent her a smile and a nod, which she copied by way of thank you. The little boy had taken her quite by surprise and though she knew he would be there, the reality of that hadn't quite hit home. Until he'd appeared in front of her, her little brother.

She ambled her way through the usual morning routine, rediscovering the house like an old friend. She stopped in the bathroom to hold her brother's small toothbrush in her hand and picked up a stray dummy in the hallway. She'd imagined Gina at home, lonely, lost in a house too big for just one person. It wasn't like that at all, the house was filled with everything it needed; a family, love, daily objects. All of which brought tears to Naomi's eyes. When did she become so emotional?

'Afternoon,' Gina announced, placing a mug of tea down on the kitchen table at her old seat, she sat down and sipped on it. 'What do you want to do today? We were going to take Greg to the park, if you want to join us.'

'I suppose,' she muttered, chewing on a slice of toast that Gina forced under her chin. 'It's weird, being back.'

'It will be.'

'He's cute.'

'Greg?'

'No Kieran,' she smirked, rolling her eyes. 'Of course Greg, he called me Nom.'

'He struggles with syllables; he can just about say Gina.'

'Christ, you've got him calling you by your name?' Naomi shook her head, a smile fixed on her face.

'No, he calls me Ma, but we're teaching him to say our names so that if he ever gets lost.'

'You never did that with me,' Naomi sighed, leaning back in the chair.

'That's because no matter how hard I tried to get you to call me mum you always preferred to call me Gina. Always the rebel.'

The conversation was quickly interrupted by Greg running into the room, his little face lighting up on sight of Naomi before he pulled his fists in front of his mouth coyly. Naomi let out a gentle laugh.

'Hello,' she greeted, holding out some toast. 'Want some?'

'You Nom,' he pointed to her, taking the toast from her hand. 'Ta.'

'I am. And you're Greg.'

He walked forwards, taking Naomi quite by surprise as he rested his hands on her legs and shouted for her to lift him up. She looked cautiously to Gina, who nodded her assurance, before she reached out and lifted him onto her lap.

'Ma, go par' now?' he asked Gina.

'Soon, let's let Naomi eat her breakfast.'

'Let Nom eat 'ekfas',' he repeated, watching her as she ripped off another piece of toast. She laughed as he opened his mouth.

'You want some too?' she asked and he nodded, she handed him the toast and finished off the rest as he chewed slowly.

xxx

'Time for bed little man,' Kieran announced, picking up Greg up from his play mat on the floor.

'Could I put him to bed?' Naomi asked, jumping up from the floor where they'd been playing.

All the struggles she'd had would never truly be gone from her memory, but sometimes things happened that changed her perspective. When Emily returned to her life she couldn't lie anymore, everything became harder and it was because of Emily that she had returned to what she had once known to be everything. Now she'd met her little brother, the world had changed again. She didn't just have a mother; she had someone else who already looked up to her with such glee. She didn't imagine it would be easy to fall in love with someone who had effectively taken over her existence in life, but it wasn't as simple as that and she knew that now. She loved him, so quickly, he infiltrated her heart in the same way that Emily had back in college. Only she didn't fight this time, it was different. He would always be there no matter what she chose.

'Go on then Naomi, he's all yours.'

'Can I put you to bed Greg?' she asked, reaching her arms out until he allowed her to pull him from his father's embrace.

'Nigh' nigh' Da,' he waved as she carried him out of the room.

Armed with a bedtime story and a bottle of milk, Naomi put Greg into his bed. She handed him the bottle which he held in his hands. Then she sat down beside the crib and began to tell him the story Gina had told her about, about the God of Slugs. Halfway through the story and Greg had drifted off, his bottle half empty, resting beside him. She placed it onto the chest of drawers beside his bed and kissed his soft, baby skin.

'Goodnight little man,' she smiled, watching him sleeping.

She should have rebelled the existence of another Campbell; she should have wanted nothing to do with him as a baby. As far as the world knew, she wasn't much fond of them. Yet sometimes what the world knew didn't matter. Sometimes all that mattered was making a fresh start, beginning life again and making the most of the things around you. That's what she realised as she watched him dozing in his crib, his chest rising and falling in his little tractor pyjamas. Once she was sure he wouldn't wake up, she went back downstairs to the kitchen, where Gina sat with a pot of tea and two cups.

'Are you waiting for Kieran?' she asked, glancing at the empty mug.

'It's for you,' Gina informed her.

'Oh, right,' she whispered, sitting down and pouring herself some tea.

'It's going to be good for you, being back,' Gina smiled, pushing a plate of biscuits towards her. She nodded her head and sipped on the brew.

'I'm not sure,' she muttered, shrugging her shoulders. 'I hope so, it feels good being home.'

'Well you're very welcome here, for as long as you need to stay.'

'You might regret that,' Naomi raised an eyebrow and picked up a couple of Garibaldis.

'You might be right; you'll eat me out of biscuits for a start.'

They laughed with ease, as though the years hadn't been unkind to them, as though the last time they'd sat down alone together in that kitchen had been the day before, not years. They talked about nothing and everything, drinking tea and eating biscuits well into the night.


	29. Time to Live

Title: Protection

Disclaimer: Do I look like Jamie Brittain or Bryan Elsley? The answer is no.

Pairing: Naomi/Emily

Summary: Sometimes protection is for your own good and sometimes it can destroy your very existence.

Note: The end is nigh. Thanks for the reviews everyone, you're all so wonderful. I will see you in the author note, which I'm going to write, partly because I hate the thought of ending on chapter 29. I'm weird like that. Enjoy!

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

The alarm went off seconds after Emily's eyes opened, awake and ready for the day, even if she didn't want to get out of bed and into a freezing cold flat. She hated winter for that very reason, nor did she fancy her usual morning shower because getting out was so much worse. So she stayed, wrapped up in the thick duvet for as long as possible. Then she rushed into the bathroom, pulled the shower head down and washed her hair over the shower basin. She'd have a proper shower later, once the heating had kicked in. Then she freshened up, brushed her teeth and strolled across the campus towards her lecture.

'Emily,' someone called after her as she opened the door. First lecture of the day, her favourite thing about it was sitting in the middle of the empty room alone, feeling like a tiny ant in a giant room until the rest of the students invaded her moment's sanctuary.

'Morning,' she greeted him, letting go of the door and creasing her eyebrows as she attempted to remember his name. Ben, or at least that's what she thought he was called. As much as she wanted to spend that moment alone, it was also time she started mixing with people in her lectures. They would be there for the next three years after all and there was at least one group assignment in the second semester.

'I spotted you from the cafe, I was just getting breakfast with Josh, Mikey and Jill before we start. Do you want to join us? Or I could ditch them and we could eat together.'

He bounced from one foot to the other, staring up at her coyly. The offer was flattering and he seemed like a lovely guy, she just couldn't help laughing.

'Is that a no?'

'It's a, sorry but I'm gay,' she smiled, regaining her normality. 'I'll join everyone though, if that's still okay.'

'Sure,' he grinned and she fell into step beside him as they wandered across the foyer towards the cafe.

After being reintroduced to the rest of the group, Emily bought herself an apple and a cup of tea, it wasn't up to the standard of the pot Gina had brewed a few days before, but it was enough to be a comfort to her. When she returned to the group, she could feel the blood draining from her face.

'She lied about who she was.'

'It doesn't say that, it says she changed her name in witness protection.'

'Actually,' Josh said, holding out the paper in front of him and reading verbatim. 'It says 'Brown changed her name in order to start a new life after a horrific incident which left her too afraid to live in her home town' bit odd if you ask me, I think they're covering up something more sinister.'

'They're not,' Emily piped up, taking the newspaper from him and smiling back at the headshot of Naomi. 'She watched someone kill her best friend, then the man threatened to kill her mum and girlfriend too. She did it for me.'

'You know her?'

'Yeah,' she muttered, wishing she could go back a few minutes and not say a thing. But she couldn't hide from her past any more than Naomi could have. 'I love her, we were together.'

'Oh,' the group silenced themselves, something that appeared awkward to everyone but Emily.

'It's fine,' she smiled. 'It was a long time ago really. Just don't believe everything you read. She's an amazing person, really passionate about, well, everything. She would have been a brilliant president.'

'I guess we'll never know now,' Jill smiled, biting into a bacon sandwich.

'No,' Emily said, cutting her apple into pieces as the group fell into silence. It was now or never, sink or swim. She could sit there and listen to them talking like she did that first week, or she could make small talk and join in. 'What did I miss on Monday anyway?'

'Not much, just Steve sounding like a complete lunatic,' Mikey snorted, wiping crumbs from his chin.

'What happened?'

'It all started when he turned up ten minutes late wearing a pair of rollerblades.'

'Was he doing a Friends sketch?'

'That's what I said,' piped up Ben as Mikey continued his story.

xxx

The lecture finished and the students dispersed out of the room through the two main doors. Emily packed her things away, was never one to rush out of the room and now she had a distraction giving her more reason to pack away slowly. Jill and Ben were chatting behind her whilst Josh and Mikey discussed the lecture.

'That was not fun,' Mikey muttered.

'When is it ever?' Josh laughed.

'Hey guys,' Jill shouted, wrapping her arms around both boys' heads and looking between them towards Emily. 'We're going to the Anchor tonight, who's coming?'

Emily stayed silent as Josh and Mikey confirmed their attendance and they all agreed on a time to meet. She listened as they continued talking about the night out, games of pool, hot girls, plenty of alcohol. She wished she had the courage to ask if the invitation included herself, she just didn't seem able to speak.

'Emily,' Jill said, falling into step beside her whilst the boys messed around. 'You coming or will I be on my own with these cunts?'

'I don't know,' she replied, suddenly remembering the one factor affecting her decision. 'My sister's staying over until tomorrow, I probably shouldn't go out without her.'

'She can come too, the more the merrier, as long as she doesn't mind a grotty pub with mostly beer on tap.'

'She loves grotty pubs and beer,' Emily grinned, accepting the offer. 'I'd best go, I'll see you tonight.'

'See you Emily,' the boys shouted after her in unison.

xxx

'Are we going out or are you going to sit doing work all fucking night?' Katie moaned.

Emily ignored her as she scribbled away, her words becoming less legible with every word she put down on the page. If she wanted it to be perfect, word for word, she needed to start with a rough draft. Unfortunately, she was on her sixth.

'Give me ten more minutes and I'll be done.'

'You said that an hour ago.'

'So?' she asked, carrying the pad of paper into her bedroom and closing the door behind her. She lay down on her front on the bed, the end of her pen in her mouth as she read back what she'd written, mumbling it to herself quietly.

'Dear Naomi,

I know you want space but I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry if I seemed unaccepting of what you wanted to happen. I know now that you're right, we both need to get on with our lives and learn to be who we are when we're not together. I didn't get a chance to do that and I think you didn't either because of everything that happened. Neither of us have really had that chance.

I miss you more each day, but that's normal, isn't it? It's not the same as when I thought you were dead because now I know that it's not going to be forever. I hope that you're doing well in Bristol, I miss that place. Say hi to Gina for me.

I bumped into Charlie yesterday. I think she knows that it was never as simple as it seemed. She's seeing the uni counsellor; I think she'll be okay. She's still angry, but I don't think that'll last forever. She's lonely without you, she didn't really say so, but I could tell. I don't think she has many friends. I'll keep an eye out for her though. Maybe you should get in touch with her, not right now, but in a few months. I think she might appreciate it.

I'm doing okay too. Katie's ready to bang my door down because we're supposed to be going out, but I wanted to finish writing this. I'm staying at uni, even though mum wanted to drag me back to Liverpool. I'm really trying to make things better for me here, I've got some friends, that's who we're going out with.

I hope you're having as much luck down there. I don't think I'll ever stop missing you, but maybe it'll get easier. I hope the next three years go quickly because I can't wait to come visit you in Bristol, as long as you're still there. I know you want us to live our lives separately, but if you ever want to add me on Facebook or reply to this, I'll put the addresses on the bottom of the letter.

I know everything that happened recently was a mess but I wanted to thank you. I think everything you said and everything I had to deal with has made me realise that I can't keep hiding behind the life my parents are trying to get me to live. I need to be me and I need to live how I want to live for a change. Thank you Naomi, for giving me back my life.

My love, always,

Emily.'

She put the cap back on her pen, placed it on her bedside table and put the pad of paper into her drawers. She would write it out neatly later, if she didn't edit it again. It didn't matter really, she wasn't even sure she wanted to send it. She just felt the need to write Naomi a letter, to tell her everything she wanted her to know.

'Can we fucking go yet?' Katie shouted, opening the door as Emily slipped a fresh top over her head.

'Keep your fucking vagina on Katie, I'm ready.'

'We can leave then?'

'Yes,' Emily rolled her eyes, closing the bedroom door behind her and pushed Katie out into the hallway.

They took the stairs slowly, walking side by side, talking about the plan for the night like they used to do in Bristol. She'd missed this, the time they spent together, sharing their lives. Life was finally falling into place. Friends, uni, Katie, even the family, it was all going the way she'd always wished it would. As she zoned out of another of Katie's stories about her current boyfriend, she wondered what would have happened if Cook hadn't died, if Naomi hadn't faked her own death, if none of this had ever happened. Would she still be happy? Would her and Naomi still be together? Time was a great healer, but it also did a lot of damage. It didn't really matter anymore because this was her life now and even though she wished Naomi could be in it, she wasn't scared to live it anymore, she was just ready to begin living.

**THE END**


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